A Thread of Poetry ( Only Post Poetry HERE!! )

[Mr E Nigma]

Everlasting moments. With everlasting plea
I want you to stay, please don't go away..

Everlasting silence. With everlasting sound
How are we so soundless, and yet our echoes boundless..

Everlasting love. With everlasting joy
I feel your heart beating with mine, only in time..

Everlasting peace. With everlasting harmony
comes eternal serenity, yours and mine..

[Godslayer Jillian]

Ok, I'll post some of my things. One in each post.
This first one has already been published in a book called Twilight Musings
I don't really like it, but I don't really like anything I write, so....

It's called My Heart Is Broken

My heart is broken
It's swelling up
It's drowning in its tears
I can't believe what it's hearing now
Screaming so loudly is my greatest fear

Everything tastes so bitter
Everything looks so gray
It cuts through me like a knife through butter
Of Darkness I've become a prey

My God how could you do this to me?
I loved her O so much
I'll make a pact with the devil
If I once more can feel her touch

My lord why did you give me hope
Where hope there was none?
Was this a practical joke?
Well there, you have won

Are you happy now?
Because I'm not
How could you do this to me?
Another love I won't allow
In my broken heart
As broken as it can be

[Godslayer Jillian]

Here's another one. I don't know why, but this one feels hollow, but everyone liked it, so let's see if you do too:

Windswept to the Moon

Ah, my Moon, my beautiful lover
And I here, chained to this rotten dismal place
The only thing that keeps me going
Is to wait every night and see your face

But do not long for me my Moon
Because soon we'll be together
I'll go to you soon
And feel your body made of ether

I just need to lose some body
And be three times lighter
So Boreas the North wind
Won't struggle to lift me higher


I grew thin
And I grew slim
And everyone told me
I looked grim

But who are they to say
What's grim and what's not
Those bastard children of this cursed land
They who just live to rot

I achieved my goal
And I sat on a desert dune
And waited for Boreas and the seven winds
To lift me to you, my love, my Moon

But when I set foot on your porcelain skin
I saw but hostility and disdain
No gentle lover, no beautiful Yin
No wind to carry me back home again

So now I just sit on your treacherous land
Not drunk with love, but simply sober
And watch that not blue but velvet black sky
And gaze at my former, true celestial lover

[Magpie_Tendencies]

Nemesion - Sorry but I found your poem really hard to read because of the font you post in. Could you please change it to something a little more legible?

[Nemesion]

Originally Posted by Magpie_Tendencies

Nemesion - Sorry but I found your poem really hard to read because of the font you post in. Could you please change it to something a little more legible?

Sure, here's the post in plain text.



I was experimenting with rhyming couplets for 10 minutes or so and this was the end product.



Children's laughter, heard foreverafter
Here I'll sit, a beacon for disaster

Each breath you take, I'll take one more
My tethered heart won me this war

Degenerate disease
Blackfaces with scabbed knees

Help them, hurt them
Scar them, charm them

The Poe.
M ends.


Some much needed constructive criticism and suggestions for a title would be welcome.

[Queenofdarkness57]

Jillian I love your poems! You're so talented. Btw, isn't it hard to write about being heartbroken when you're not?

[succubus,queenofvampires]

Queenofdarkness is right, you really are talented, Jillian!!!

[succubus,queenofvampires]

Your poem is great too, Nemesion.
I wish I could write the way all of you do!

[Godslayer Jillian]

I was once heartbroken; by Ana herself, but that was a misunderstanding on my side I think. Anyway, what the hell, I'll post other poems.

Though, I feel this one is empty/uncompleted (I don't know why, but it feels as if it's missing something)

A Tear of the Sea

A world colored in teal
This Eden called Atlantis
It hardly seems real

And upon Poseidon's throne
On top of the coral seat
A white glimmer shone

I walked to the throne
And saw that the glimmer was
A most beautiful stone

It's a pearl now I see
But it's not just a pearl
It's a tear of the see

It holded all the sorrows of the world
So devastating were this stories
So terrible as to be told

I could see a lover's sadness
That distance from his love
Has driven him to madness

Thousands of deities dying:
Seeing their creations become rot
They faded away crying

Of angels and demons losing their soul
On an undending war
While brazen bells toll

Of creatures never meant to be created
Whose normal appearance seemed
As of they were eviscerated

Of men who have not know but pain
Searchong for sweet relief
Knowing not their search is in vain

Of children who have never seen the sun
And have know but misery and anguish
And to them has never hapiness shun upon

Of a woman who sees forgiveness as we see remorse
Beauty and love she sees as poison
And evil she sees it a hundred times worse


This should never had been
And I only spoke of some
Not daring to speak of the obscene

A pearl should not hold so much sorrow
I know the pearl is as good as dead
And I know my heart will be the just as dead on the morrow


A heart is not supposed to see
So much sorrow in a lifetime
I should have never entered the sea

And my soul will be like my heart too
If I do nothing I won't have a soul
And now there's only one thing I can do . . .

More important than life
Is the soul
And I already had a knife
At hand

[Godslayer Jillian]

Oh, and this is the only poem I wrote that I legitimally enjoy, but not because I think it's good, but because of what was my inspiration. Although I don't think it's good enough.

Ana

For you are there stars in the firmament
Other worldly deities your beauty did they see
They wanted to give you something worthy of thee
So to you ether presents they sent

Because of you a smile is a smile
Before, a smile was just a grin
But for yours that so much joy does it bring
Would I venture for many a mile

For you is the reason it rains
The sky knowing she’ll never be
As beautiful and marvelous as you’ll always be
Cries out loud all her grievances and pains

For you are there rainbows in the sky;
After a day of sadness and sorrows
The sky that loves you still tells you in the morrow:
With colors and lights she says to you “Hi”

For your does this poem exists
And despite all your modesty your lover insists
And so insistently he writes it on verse
For you does the word beauty exist
And for you is there virtue in the ‘verse

Epic stories of our love will be told
A love which every second was worth more than gold
Of a man who fell in love with a goddess
Children will ask for their names, and the elders shall say: Ah, yes
They were called Ana and Alan

[wild spider]

When you need a bridge over troubled water
i will lay me down
on the splintered shards
of shattered dreams.
when you need a merger whore
i will be there
to kneel in the filth and dirt
of a thousand mucky words.
choking on your blood and sweat and tears
i swallow them all with your sluts love.
flowing in my veins
intoxicate me with your scent
of blood and passions and desperation
of altars.
let the night roar, for i hear it not
my ears witness only to your bitter heart
pounding i am sucked under
on its sound sea
Ophelia on her river of flowers
gently i float away.


that one's a biton the bitter side. and please, contrutive critisim. no-one's done any yet and it's why I joined the sight....

[655322]

Hello all,

I found this site the other day, joined and wrote a poem. Not very Goth, but anyway...
Any comments greatly appreciated. Cheers.

Regret.

In a sterile white room,
Feeling death looming,
Thoughts of his life
Come in colours
Accompanied by tunes.

The dark encroaching wake
Of decisions not made,
Break...
Onto his mind,
Break... break... break

Here come some words now,
Ｄissolving out his mouth
With a dry fizz,
"Well that chance I missed",
What good are they now?

Born screaming onto this earth,
Look at it with mirth,
It's troubles and strife,
Embrace this life,
Put your hands around it's girth.

"Too late!" he suddenly cried,
Forgetting his pride
And falling back into bed
Cradling his head,
Only death replied.

[655322]

Oh yea It's a typo.
Thanks for the feedback!

[655322]

Whatever blows your trumpet babe. My typing leaves a lot to be desired, so you may be getting a lot of satisfaction from me. Here to plaese you!

[655322]

That interesting is! << sorry, i'll stop now... but i can't guarantee that my typing will be perfect everytime. I don't want to be blamed for your insanity!

[655322]

Begun, this friendship has.

Originally Posted by 655322

Hello all,

I found this site the other day, joined and wrote a poem. Not very Goth, but anyway...
Any comments greatly appreciated. Cheers.

Regret.

In a sterile white room,
Feeling death looming,
Thoughts of his life
Come in colours
Accompanied by tunes.

The dark encroaching wake
Of decisions not made,
Break...
Onto his mind,
Break... break... break

Here come some words now,
Ｄissolving out his mouth
With a dry fizz,
"Well that chance I missed",
What good are they now?

Born screaming onto this earth,
Look at it with mirth,
It's troubles and strife,
Embrace this life,
Put your hands around it's girth.

"Too late!" he suddenly cried,
Forgetting his pride
And falling back into bed
Cradling his head,
Only death replied.

You have a plural/singular contradiction in the third stanza, and I didn’t like the third and first person combination, or actually the brief first person interjections. They felt like stiff afterthoughts. I did like the swagger in the lines, Break…Break…Break, and Here comes some words now, but then the thing shuffles back into a more conventional tone.

Overall impression? Too busy with style contrasting style, but with a little work it could be a nice piece.

[Godslayer Jillian]

I really liked it, although I think the theme is a little hard to get

[655322]

Thanks heaps for those comments TStone. This is my first draft. Some restructuring is in order. The contrasting styles could make the theme a little hard to get as Jillian said. I'll work on it some more. But the theme is supposed to be more about initiative than regret.

[Wise Child]

I like the poem. It reads nice and loosely, if that makes sense.

[corporalaccident]

May
captures every last breath
they lay there in the streets and lack souls;
do you see the light that I see?
Today
the common crowd dies still.
And if you unravel, I can't blame you
I can't erase the mark left by your wings;
if you corrupt me, I die happy
and brush away the prick, although it stings.
A thorn in your hand,
a thorn in your hand
soon enveloped in beating heart of mine,
let me sheath your guilt and power,
or shall I be the one to hold
On-
going stream of envy,
I leave here in the midst of its birth.
Unmasked violence, the light in your eyes
to stay
forever ill in this.
And if you unravel, I can't blame you
I can't escape the madness that you sing;
if you corrupt me, I die happy,
belligerence of shadow dance in spring.
A thorn in your hand,
a thorn in your hand
soon enveloped in beating heart of mine,
let me sheath your blunt deception,
or shall i be the one to hold
on?

[maggot]

Ohhhh... It's a sticky. I was looking for 10 minutes, and then gave up.


I'll just repost the entire thing, then?




She's a single star in the night.
Brilliant, shining, yet always out of reach.
As I see, she does not know.
Yes, we're two from different worlds,
But I could see us as one.
If only I had the courage,
The reason to at least ask her..
"Will you?"



It's about a girl at my school. Yep.
So, anyone want to critique it? I really wanna get better at writing.
If you knew me in real life, you would probably think it was about the wrong person.

[maggot]

I didn't really go for rhyming or syllables, so I know what you mean.

That was what I was going for in the last line, I like it too.

[maggot]

There was a rythm.. but it was hidden.

But it was more to get out all the stuff in my head at the time, I gues..
I could try making all the syllables work, but I fear that will take away it's original feeling. Know what I mean?

[maggot]

Okay..
In the words of Jhonen Vasquez:

If you're reading this book in a store, buy it now or all the spooky magic will be lost. What? You bought it? You fool!

I'll revise it tomorrow. I will be well rested (hopefully), and I have a short day tomorrow. I'm getting out at 11:30.