LIES my parents told me! - Page 2

maggot · 03-23-2006, 10:08 PM

"Trolls live under the stairs, and they go around downstairs at night."

I think it was to keep me from going around, but I don't know.

I also got the thing about the watermelon seeds.

edible_eye · 03-23-2006, 10:10 PM

mother - "if you go outside with wet hair, you'll catch your death of a cold."

father - "i know everything you do. that's my job as a father. you'll never sneak anything by me. no matter what, i'll know."

Ben Lahnger · 03-23-2006, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xnguela

Well, there were starving children elsewhere in the world, right?

Actually, it was the implied lie (which I saw through right away) that I was referring to. Yes, of course there were starving children in China. The implication was that if my parents hadn't put the food which I didn't want to eat on my plate, it could somehow have gone to help those starving children. So shame on me for taking it away from them if I wasn't going to eat it.

And all I wanted to say was, I don't care ... I don't like liver!

Liars!

Ben Lahnger · 03-23-2006, 10:16 PM

Mom - "If you make funny faces like that, one day it could stick like that and you'll look like that for the rest of your life!"

Oh, THE LIES!!!

Ben Lahnger · 03-23-2006, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tenet_2012

When my mom was using she used to beat the crap out of me and she always told me that it would hurt her more than me.

Bullshit!

Tenet, my Dad used the "This is gonna hurt me more than it is you" lie on me when he pulled out the belt.

That was the cruelest lie ... the lie I hated.

edible_eye · 03-23-2006, 10:25 PM

my father was always straight with me. when he punished me, he used to tell me he was about to put a world of hurt on me i wouldn't soon forget - and he was always right.

Ben Lahnger · 03-23-2006, 10:31 PM

No lie. There's something to be said for a man being straight up with you about that.

TwistedKitsune · 03-23-2006, 10:36 PM

My dad told me he'd make sure I couldn't sit comfortably for a week, he was always right, also one arm or the other wasn't exceptionally usable because he'd hold it, and I'd try to get away, reguardless of the fact that I was wrenching my shoulder. I guess on the upside he didn't lie about it!

My mom was the one who used the whole, "doing this hurts me more than you" thing...

NyQuil of Doom · 03-23-2006, 10:58 PM

For the longest time I believed that fairies and gnomes lived in our yard... I'd even get letters and gifts from these "fairies"... little scraps of paper with notes written in tiny handwriting accompanied by a pretty pebble, flower bud, etc.

I was also told that swallowing my gum would cause my stomach to shrink and I wouldn't be able to eat. This was intended to stop me from swallowing gum, but I think that one kind of backfired on them since I'd purposely swallow gum if Mom was cooking something I didn't like for dinner.

TwistedKitsune · 03-24-2006, 01:10 AM

my mom always told me that if I swallowed gum it would stay in my stomach for years and maybe even clog up my intestines causing me to explode...suffice it to say that I was not fond of the concept of blowing up, and thus wasn't much of a gum chewer as a kid, seeing as how I almost always managed to swallow it, and freak out about it...I even made myself throw up once so that it wouldn't stay in my stomach...

Sanctus Dei · 03-24-2006, 01:35 AM

Hmm... Lies my parents told...
My dad told me my mom never wanted my sister or me, that we were mistakes.
Um... he told us we had to play outside round 10:30pm on an ass cold school night so he could work, when in reality he was watching porn on the couch (with the blinds open?? dumbass...)

My mom told me she loved me, but I question the entire truth in that after the last few days... her only kind words included "Stop Crying, it's over now.... Suck it up" "Call a lawyer and see what kind of cash you can get out of this"...etc. But not one... "Are you okay?" *shrug*

03-24-2006, 03:33 AM

Sanctus, what happened? ARE you okay?

WolfMoon · 03-24-2006, 08:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sanctus Dei

Hmm... Lies my parents told...
My dad told me my mom never wanted my sister or me, that we were mistakes.
Um... he told us we had to play outside round 10:30pm on an ass cold school night so he could work, when in reality he was watching porn on the couch (with the blinds open?? dumbass...)

My mom told me she loved me, but I question the entire truth in that after the last few days... her only kind words included "Stop Crying, it's over now.... Suck it up" "Call a lawyer and see what kind of cash you can get out of this"...etc. But not one... "Are you okay?" *shrug*

I don't care if it's my place to say it or not, but fuck her for not being a mother to you when you needed it!

Sanctus Dei · 03-24-2006, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WolfMoon

I don't care if it's my place to say it or not, but fuck her for not being a mother to you when you needed it!

Yeah, that's basicly what my luv said. *shrug* I'm not angry though, I'll just be strong on my own. *hands on hips old school little rascal snort*

Oubliette · 03-24-2006, 09:47 AM

(let me try to put this in the right place)

"You've got the world by the balls, kid." ~my dad(R.I.P.)

Ben Lahnger · 03-24-2006, 10:20 AM

Sanctus, I'm glad you handled the lack of support from your mom that well.

This isn't a lie, but I'm putting it here because I don't see the sense in starting a separate thread for it and it won't fit anywhere else (except maybe WTF? and I cannot bring myself to use that expression in conjunction with my Mom).

This is the subcatagory of "When Mom should have lied ... or at least shut up." In other words, the too-much-information department.

Once about 15 years ago (when I was in my early thirties) my Mom started telling me a story about walking along the shops in downtown Milwaukee. And she saw an adult toy store. And she'd never been in one and decided to go in. And she was looking around at all the stuff she'd never seen before. And she picked up a magazine. And opened it up. And there was a centerfold. And she spread it out and looked at it.

And it was nothing but a row of erect penises.

Big ones. Little ones. White ones. Black ones. Red ones.

And she tells me, "You know, I had no idea there was so much variety in penises!"

"MOM!", I yelled, "You have to stop talking to me about this right NOW!"

Oh, lord, how I wish she WOULD have lied! Or just never told me that!

03-24-2006, 10:25 AM

http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=155646

Godslayer Jillian · 03-24-2006, 07:57 PM

Who in Hades is this Nasher that keeps posting this link?

03-24-2006, 08:23 PM

Juan...
Rabbit...

The fucker that stalks and impersonates our beloved EE...

Godslayer Jillian · 03-24-2006, 08:36 PM

That explains why both user titles say Eyeball Sporked

Godslayer Jillian · 03-24-2006, 08:38 PM

I've been thinking how would I tell my kids where do babies come from.
So far, I have this:
"Well, you see; when a mother and a father love each other, and there's nothing good on TV..."

Sanctus Dei · 03-25-2006, 02:20 AM

Nothing is worse than parents, sex... and parents having sex...

In plain view. Gah.

Metatron · 03-25-2006, 08:32 AM

With my parents it was the "takerbacker" who would come and steal your toys if you were bad. Bitches...that went on until I was 8! There was also the "invisible milk" which would just be my parents filling up glasses with water after we were done with our milk. I guess they were just too lazy to rinse them out...or they totally wanted to conserve water.

emeraldlonewoulf · 03-26-2006, 11:11 PM

As far as anything past the Santa Claus, tooth fairy stuff, my mom always IMPLIED, strenuously, that she was a virgin until my dad ( they were married when she was thirty six). I didn't find out until last year that anything else was the case. I asked her why she said that, and she said she didn't want me to make the same mistake, and screw some guy before I got married. I didn't say it, but I was thinking, " Why the hell didn't you tell me that!!! I might not have married my first husband! True, we didn't screw for the first two years we dated, but I might not have married the guy at 18! I might have not felt bound to him for so long! ( 6 years) WTF!!" I guess I just felt hurt that she would lie to me about something that seemed so important to her.

Oh yeah, and although my stepdad was a sexually abusive asshole, at least he was honest about an ass whooping. If he said it, I would get it, even if it was three or four days later. Funny thing, I remember getting lots of whippings, but the only things I remember getting them for was forgetting to lock the truck doors and forgetting to dust the TV ( a much more grievious offense that it sounds, I can assure you)

And there is also the whole " if you swallow your gum a bubble gum tree will grow in your stomach" , and that broccoli would taste good. I like it now though.

Iriacynthe · 03-28-2006, 12:41 PM

I don't really remember any serious lies my parents told me, but they were very creative with stories. I don't consider it a lie, and we had lots of fun, but we believed for years that we were hunting the treasure of an old African. We found letters written in a secret code (which was, very conveniently, written at the back of the letter) that gave us hints about where we could find more hints, and we even found beautiful small African statues that were buried in a box in the woods nearby. That was SO cool, and I'm so glad my parents took the time to organise things like that, it makes me very sad when I see parents that just put their children in front of the TV and hope it will keep them quiet.

We don't have Santa here, but we do have a similar person called Sinterklaas, it's an old bisshop that has a horse and black servants who bring us presents and candy on 6 december. Anyway, I've believed in him very long, and when I found out he didn't exist I was so dissapointed, I really felt betrayed. I got over it, and now I love to tell small children stories about him (and eating the delicious chocolat and oranges he traditionally gives to the children!).