|
Thanks for posting your poems, LenorePoe. Each of these poems is unified in its message, and I appreciate that. Often, poems deal with too many ideas/feelings at once, and their messages consequently become too vague or convoluted to understand.
That said, "Broken" and "What Color is Your Misery?" seem a little simplistic to me as they are. For instance, in "What color is Your Misery?", "misery" is just too broad. You could make the poem more interesting by being more specific. What exactly is it that is causing the misery? Is it Loneliness? Addiction? Failure? Guilt? Rejection? Any of these can make someone miserable. Take that specific feeling and describe it as a physical thing like the creeping, black wave. Use as much symbolism as you like so long as the language describes both the feeling and the thing that symbolizes it. Use nothing that does not describe both at once.
At first, I thought that in "Nicotine", the writer relied upon nicotine as an emotional crutch ~ a sort of substitute for something that she was denied as a child. However, reading it again, I think that you simply meant that the pain itself has become the lullaby that lulls (I don't think that you mean "dulls") her to sleep. Therefore, the smoke and walls simply remind her of her painful memories. If you could combine the two stanzas together through their content more directly, this poem would be better.
|
