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| Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books. |
06-10-2008, 06:06 PM
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#1
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Harlem
Posts: 6,909
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A Love Poem
Girl, look what we've become
The nightmares of our exes
And maybe even then some
With star light cream on my lip
And the taste of salt of your hip
Oh what a brutal image we must be
So let's be mean
You be the whore and I'll be the cur
Wrap your legs round my waist
And we'll destroy what we once were
Though we writhe with good intentions
We've become the image of betrayal
Or other terrible machinations
Girl, look what we've become
If they could see us now
Blind in our extacy
Losing ourselves in the meeting of lips
A hot path to our bosoms and loins
Flutter, flutter, they're not invited
Don't you wish to be remembered
Don't you wish to be where we are now
This is our special secret
And no one is invited
The extent of how great you are
And how awesome I am
The old ones must wish
They could have what we have now
Our whispered laughter in the dark
The stuff of their nightmares
Is the sounds of our triumph and union
__________________
No Gods. No Kings.
Not all beliefs and ideas are equal.
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06-10-2008, 07:42 PM
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#2
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: the concrete and steel beehive of Southern California
Posts: 7,449
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Dude, that was soooo hot!
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06-10-2008, 07:46 PM
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#3
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Harlem
Posts: 6,909
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Interesting. I was wondering what kind of reaction I might stir in people with it. Especially interesting that someone actually found it hot. I suppose it depends on who reads it. One that can relate to the good parts or someone who is looking at it from the eyes of an ex. Heh.
__________________
No Gods. No Kings.
Not all beliefs and ideas are equal.
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06-10-2008, 07:56 PM
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#4
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: the concrete and steel beehive of Southern California
Posts: 7,449
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I am a hopeless romantic, and this invoked in me images of a whirlwind romance.
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06-11-2008, 08:10 AM
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#5
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: I though it was supposed to be warm here
Posts: 162
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it made me think these people are those kind of callous, plastic people you meet out here. like, they know they don't like each other, and YOU know they don't like each other, but they'll use each other and say,
"see what ive got? see how much fun we're having? isnt it great being us and not you?"
it's not pretty, but it's real.
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06-11-2008, 08:23 AM
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#6
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Harlem
Posts: 6,909
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Hmm... That's a good one too. I figured it might invoke only two reactions. I was wrong.
__________________
No Gods. No Kings.
Not all beliefs and ideas are equal.
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06-12-2008, 05:07 AM
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#7
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 330
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It was interesting. I'll be honest, the first line put me off a bit and I thought it was going to be like something that could've been written for MCR, but the rest was great. A bit savage, but the sentiment is completely understandable, which is what makes it good.
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06-12-2008, 08:41 AM
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#8
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Earth.
Posts: 8,001
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To be honest, I'm not crazy about it. I don't know why, it just doesn't strike me like some poetry does.
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06-12-2008, 08:55 AM
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#9
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,678
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I'm with Ophie. I don't like rhyme (even with meter), and I think that this fell a little too into cliché. Sorry man, you're still awesome.
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