Requiem for Forgotten Souls

[(heartofflames)]

Well, my English teacher liked the form and stuff.... but I trust sharp-tongued G-netters more. It's a sonnet by the way, sort of following iambic pentameter...




Walking once more through the burning rain,
The sun hidden in curtains of white and gray
Fallen fruits in leafy coffins lay
Their silent screams an emblem of their pain.

Sodden shadows seek a bright sanctuary
Arms to shield and protect from hurt and death
While lost souls wander aimless and wary
Sprinting from sorrow’s icy breath.

Wrathful cries rumble from the heavens deep
Tears from many a forgotten war sting
As the skies in grief and fury weep
Losing hope in what the future will bring

Forgotten beings have endless time to spare
Gaping salted wounds of past lives they bear.

[KontanKarite]

I would replace burning rain with stinging rain. Rain doesn't burn.

Other than that. It's another dark poem. That's not a reflection of it being bad as it's more a reflection of me getting tired of this kind of writing.

[Saya]

I would guess its about a trip to the cemetery, and the souls of the dead are trapped there.....am I right?

I'm impartial to the content, honestly besides Poe morbid poetry has no appeal for me, but I'm extremely picky when it comes to poetry, so don't mind me. But I have to say I like the iambic parameter ^_^ I find it fun to read out, and I understand its hard to do without sounding completely awkward, which I think you did a good job of doing. So a "meh" for the subject, but two thumbs up for the structure.

[(heartofflames)]

I see what you guys are saying.
I just want people to know that I don't think this is "OMG PROFOUND EMO-ISH DARK POEM I EXPECT EVERYONE TO BOW DOWN TO!"
But rather, I'm following the rules my teacher gave me and asking if it's well written.
@KontanKarite: Well, I kind of wanted to use burning as an oxymoron for freezing, and used the adjective "sting" later on.
@ Saya: I kind of wanted to write about a rainy day but it became this whole symbolism thing. So I would say that people are encouraged to think of it as they want to.