Merry Christmas, Motherfucker by Thomas S. Roche

Eeegor · 12-14-2005, 05:31 PM

Quote:

The fog was coming off the river and shrouding the town in winter magic. Vi slipped the 68 Caddy into low gear and came down the hill toward the housing development. Bruno reached out and touched her on the arm, a gesture of reassurance. She looked at him without smiling, but the warmth between them was obvious. They were two soldiers in combat.

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goth bitch · 04-01-2006, 01:04 AM

Damn this shit is fuckin funny as hell!!!

Breathless Horror · 05-12-2007, 04:09 PM

That is both amazing and amazingly funny. I don't think I've ever seen Santa Claus portrayed as evil before. How wondrously refreshing, I can actually picture him being a prick like that.

Goth Bitch, please post an introduction in the appropriate place. Make sure to read the stickies.

Renatus · 05-12-2007, 07:27 PM

How the heck do you have 0 posts?

Breathless Horror · 05-13-2007, 09:32 AM

Wow...that's pretty impressive. How do you do that?

prophecyofdoom · 05-14-2007, 10:31 PM

I enjoyed this thoroughly.

Aaroneet · 05-18-2007, 08:39 AM

I don't think that the posts register for administrators. I could very easily be wrong.

Ninjakiwi · 07-31-2009, 01:52 AM

Frankly to say, I like where this thread is very interesting to discuss.

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ZyklonB · 08-07-2009, 05:29 PM

Oh man... hilarious. I liked when he recounted his first encounter with Santa.

""Ho ho ho, fuck you -- ho ho ho --"

I couldn't stop laughing!

10-30-2009, 09:42 PM

Sweden's prime minister called on EU leaders to set a fixed sum, paving the way for other rich donors like the US and Japan to make similar pledges. [img]http:/http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/image...08193034-1.jpg[/img]But a coalition of nine poorer European nations has threatened to block a deal unless richer EU countries pay more. Earlier leaders agreed a deal to secure the ratification of the Lisbon treaty. The Czechs were granted an opt-out fromaion powerlevelthe EU's Charter of Fundamental Rights, similar to that of the UK and Poland. The Czechs are the only one of the 27 EU nations not to have ratified the treaty, which aims to streamline decision-making and bolster the bloc's role on the world stage. EU leaders also moved no closer to agreement on a prospective president of the European Council, with former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair's chances of securing the role receding. Climate wrangleBritish Prime Minister Gordon Brown: "I think this is a breakthrough"British Prime Minister Gordon Brown said on Friday that EU leaders had reached consensus on what to offer other countries at December's UN climate conference in Copenhagen. "Europe is making three conditional offers, money on the table, saying we will do everything we can to make a climate change deal happen," he said on Friday. The EU is committed to cutting greenhouse gas emissions by 20% by 2020 and by up to 30% if other countries join in. But the BBC's Oana Lungescu, in Brussels,aion power levelingsays that with just weeks to go before the Copenhagen summit, Europeans are struggling over how much money to offer developing nations to fight the effects of global warming. The European Commission has recommended EU nations pay up to 15bn euros ($22bn; ?13bn) a year from 2013 to developing nations. A draft text of the summit conclusions, seen by the BBC, says EU leaders agree with the European Commission's estimate that the total cost of climate adaptation in developing countries could reach about 100bn euros ($148bn; ?90bn) annually by 2020. Do the majority of leaders want someone who can get a hearing at the White House, or do they want someone who will build consensus within the European Union? Gavin Hewitt, BBC Europe editorRead Gavin's thoughts in full Blair 'excellent' for EU job - PM EU president: Names in the frame Of that 100bn euros, international public financing is estimated at 22-50bn euros annually by 2020, "subject to a fair burden-sharing at the global level". Polish Finance Minister Jacek Rostowski told the BBC that eastern European nations should be allowed to contribute according to their means, not to how much they pollute - otherwise they were ready to block a deal. "It's a coalition of nine countries and there are countries there like Bulgaria and Latvia which are considerably poorer than Brazil and which would be expected to help Brazil in its adjustments to climate change," he said. The draft conclusions appear aion powerlevelingto recognise the eastern Europeans' concerns, saying that the EU contributions for developing countries "should be based on a comprehensive global distribution key" and "should take into account the ability to pay of less prosperous [EU] member states, through an internal adjustment mechanism". But the EU does not spell out how the member states' contributions will be calculated - whether their CO2 emissions or their ability to pay will weigh more heavily in the calculation.

LovelyxBlackLace · 11-09-2009, 05:33 AM

Haha. That made me laugh like hell!
Great imagination and style (Y)
Look forward to read more of your work.

Pineapple_Juice · 11-15-2009, 02:34 AM

Am I nuts?

I thought it was kind of boring.

Still Jack · 11-15-2009, 03:13 AM

Man that sucked. That was like Futurama Santa Claus, crossed with lame fan-fic. sod this shit...

Malice In Wonderland · 11-15-2009, 12:25 PM

Blow it up.

vindicatedxjin · 11-17-2009, 09:00 AM

....................Boring........................ ..

11-18-2009, 12:57 AM

I hope you get AIDS and die of dysentery, you fucking leech.

vindicatedxjin · 04-30-2010, 01:48 PM

I'm only posting here cuz I was tired of seeing the wierdsville thing.

Lord Morozco · 11-14-2010, 06:34 PM

I don't know who the original author was. But I always send this around this time of year. (They're already blaring Christmas music at the damn grocery store) They just can't wait four more weeks.

Twas the Night before Christmas
Old Santa was pissed!
He cussed out the elves and threw down the list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks,
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my butt for almost a year,
instead of "Thanks Santa!" - What do I hear?

The old lady bitches, cause I work late at night,
The elves want more money - the reindeer all fight!

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids,
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.

And just when I thought that things would get better
Those jerks from IRS sent me a letter.

It says I owe taxes.. if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days- they are all the pits
They want the impossible, those mean little shits!

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls, their arms, legs, and heads.

I made a ton of yo-yo's - no request for them.
They all want computers.. they think I'm IBM!

If you think that is bad.. just picture this..
Try holding those little brats, with their pants full of piss.

They pull at your nose, they grab at my beard
And if I smile, the parent's think that I'm weird.

Flying though the air, dodging the trees.
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees.

I'm quittin this job, there's just no enjoyment.
I'll sit on my fat butt and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason..
I've found me a blonde... I'm going south for the season!

deadly-failure · 12-07-2010, 02:57 PM

where did you get that?

slimypacman · 12-10-2010, 01:56 PM

wtf u sad fucks its xmas so cheer the fuck up