Luther in the dark

[requiescant_in_pace]

1.

This was the fifth time that Luther Alvarez had gotten drunk, and cheated on his wife. The first two times had been with stripers who were willing to break the no touching rule for a hit of blow and a couple bills. He’d had one of them right in the piss stinking men’s room of the club. Six months later he fucked Cherry Dawn in a parked Volkswagen that hadn’t belonged to either of them. Luther didn’t remember who the third women was, and if you asked him (always assuming he would be truthful for once in his life) he’d tell you that this was only the fourth time he’d had another women since he’d told that great big lie; I do.

Natalie Alvarez lay awake in the darkness of the bedroom she shared with her husband. He was so loud coming in that he surely would have waked her if she had been sleeping. She smelled the booze when he got to the top of the stairs, and almost laughed when the look of his shadow, stretched and tossed down the hallway floor, reminded her of a giant bottle of liquor. As she watched Luther stumble through the door and into the bathroom to take a piss somewhere in the toilets general area, Natalie’s feverish urge to laugh cooled to a tepid bitter sweetness. The man she had married almost made her rejoice for her barren womb.

Luther had very little in his life that he was proud of, but as he swayed on his feet in front of the toilet, so drunk he could only tell if he was pissing in the bowl by the sound, Luther thought of his childhood.

When Luther was two years old he would take his bottle into a dark room and sit for hours, just drinking and being quiet. His parents sometimes regaled Luther with this story, and the pride he saw in their eyes when they told it, was less then what he would feel heart when he heard it, or thought of it. It was romantic to him, and he saw bravery and a mysterious substance in himself within that story. There Luther was; content and alone in the dark, having only the pleasures he brought with him. He had accomplishments (no more than average) but they all paled when compared to the little boy in the dark.

It was that little boy Luther dreamt about after he climbed into bed with his wife, and fell asleep wearing his shoes.

If Natalie had been the least bit interested in what Luther’s Secretary’s pussy tasted like, she might have tried to give her husband a good night kiss. She had no interest, but she knew this wasn’t the first time he’d been with his secretary. Or the first time Luther had cheated on. Volkswagens really must be the safest car in the world, Natalie thought, because after Luther came home from Cherry Lane he was still wearing the condom. There had been a thousand tears, oaths, and apologies from Luther that night. And in one of those tear chocked declarations of repentance; Natalie had lost her resolve to leave him. She had broken. Perhaps the aberration of her own weeping eyes showed her not the cheating drunkard, but the man she had fallen in love with a thousand years ago.

Natalie closed her eyes and decided what she would pack while she drifted into a surprisingly peaceful sleep.


2.

Luther slept right through the next day, which was fine by him. It was now Sunday and his day off. He looked around and didn’t think it strange that Natalie was nowhere in sight, the sun was on it’s way down and it was almost eight p.m.; she could be anywhere, even downstairs watching the television. But as Luther got out of bed his eyes fell to a note taped to the bathroom mirror. It was unlike Natalie to leave notes like that, she had always left her notices on the refrigerator, and so Luther felt some trepidation as he got out of the bed on wobbly morning legs and walked to the bathroom mirror. As he crossed the bedroom his eyes happened upon the walk-in closet on the other side of the room, and he understood at once what would be written on the note.

The closet suddenly looked meager and bare. Luther might have thought of Sunday laundry, but Natalie wasn’t in the habit of washing her shoes, which had been removed from the closet as well. His wife had left him. He stood still for a moment, and after allowing what he knew in his heart to make it to his mind Luther let out a deep sigh and tasted the vile sting of the booze on his breath.

He walked into the bathroom and began brushing his teeth, not yet looking to the note, but not in anyway ignoring its implications. He didn’t feel sad. Luther was merely concerned about practical matters like splitting up assets and the divorce. Natalie was not here to bargain with and the simple resolute manner in which she left told Luther that no drama or water works would change a thing. After taking a shower and deciding to give his secretary Brittany a call, Luther toweled off, threw on some clothes and grabbed the note.

3.

The note was not what Luther had expected. He very much believed there were good reasons for his affairs with other women, and if he couldn’t bring a single one to mind at this very moment, he could always fall back on Natalie’s disagreeable nature as the culprit. But in the note there was no fight. No name calling, not demands or chastening, and no accusations except for a single one that didn’t make Luther feel the petulant rage he thought the note would inspire. Instead it made him feel small and unsure.

Luther put the phone with which he intended to call Brittany back into it cradle and looked back at the note.

‘Luther,

You’ll never change.

-Natalie’

Luther got up from the kitchen table where he had been sitting and went to the cupboard above the stove. He reached up and took down a bottle of Whiskey and headed towards the dining room. As he passed the kitchen table Luther put his hand out and carelessly seized a chair and dragged it behind him, chair legs screeching along the tiles as he slowly walked to a room just passed the dining room.

The sun had gone down while he was in the shower, and even thought the room was pitch black Luther still closed the blinds in the little empty room he had been meaning to make into his office. He set the chair down in the center of the room, sat, and unscrewed the cap from the bottle of whiskey and drank.

‘You’ll never change.’

‘That’s ok’ he thought, ‘This is the Luther that’s always made me proud.’

[Apathy's_Child]

What ideas are you trying to communicate with this? 'Cause it doesn't really evoke anything other than a shug and the thought, "Drunken asshole cheats on wife. And......?"

[requiescant_in_pace]

I guess I wanted to show the ugly side of the mundane. It wasn't so much of a story as...I wanted the reader to spend a few minutes with this character. You could think about it if you wanted. You could even read between the lines (if that is something that you're used to doing when you read)
I knew that it would be anti- climactic, and I was ok with that.

I guess the question you could ask yourself is: what does Luther REALLY take into the dark with him?

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by requiescant_in_pace

I guess I wanted to show the ugly side of the mundane. It wasn't so much of a story as...I wanted the reader to spend a few minutes with this character. You could think about it if you wanted. You could even read between the lines (if that is something that you're used to doing when you read)

It is, but I didn't really get anything from this. If you've set up some food for thought that I've missed, I'd be interested to hear it. (No, I'm not being an asshole. I really would. I enjoy critiquing writing that isn't a blathering mess of vampires and an all-around bastard child of Romanticism and superficial anti-mainstream bullcrap.)

Originally Posted by requiescant_in_pace

I knew that it would be anti- climactic, and I was ok with that.

Anti-climactic doesn't bother me, but I'm of the mind that it should be a stylistic choice rather than a mere tailing off of the narrative. In other words, it takes a building of interest throughout to justify a deliberately unsatisfacotry ending.

Originally Posted by requiescant_in_pace

I guess the question you could ask yourself is: what does Luther REALLY take into the dark with him?

I have no idea - all I got from this is that he's an asshole who likes pussy and being drunk.

Basically I'd have liked to have seen more depth to the character. if there are more complex motivations at play in his actions (which is what I think you're suggesting here), show me. it can be subtle as hell if you want, but show me something.

How did you picture the character when you sat down to write this? that's always a good place to start. It helps yo0u go over the end product and decide whether you achieved what you set out to.

[requiescant_in_pace]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

It is, but I didn't really get anything from this. If you've set up some food for thought that I've missed, I'd be interested to hear it. (No, I'm not being an asshole. I really would. I enjoy critiquing writing that isn't a blathering mess of vampires and an all-around bastard child of Romanticism and superficial anti-mainstream bullcrap.)

I see where you're coming from. Completely.
Yes. Food for thought is a good way to put it. Luther is a drunken asshole, of course. But I inteded for the story to make you wonder how he lives with himself. When I asked 'what does he really bring into the dark with him, I was getting at that.


Anti-climactic doesn't bother me, but I'm of the mind that it should be a stylistic choice rather than a mere tailing off of the narrative. In other words, it takes a building of interest throughout to justify a deliberately unsatisfacotry ending.


I did not intend for the story to be anti-climactic. I accepted that it would be. The ending felt right to me. Like I said, I wanted people to spend time with the character.



I have no idea - all I got from this is that he's an asshole who likes pussy and being drunk.

I don't really know either. Luther and I aren't old college roomates, he doesn't send be birthday cards I can speculate what it is. If you want, I'll post a reply about all the things that I think allows him to be that way. But I don't think it belongs in the story, because then I'd just be spoon-feeding it to the reader. Some of what you take away from this story will be based on how you see the world.

Basically I'd have liked to have seen more depth to the character. if there are more complex motivations at play in his actions (which is what I think you're suggesting here), show me. it can be subtle as hell if you want, but show me something.

How did you picture the character when you sat down to write this? that's always a good place to start. It helps yo0u go over the end product and decide whether you achieved what you set out to.

I do want to make this story better. When I rewrite it I'll keep everything that you're saying in mind. Some of my allusions are probably a little vague, but I have to defend the substance of the story against the accusation, it's simply about a drunkard that likes pussy. Sheding a little more light in the right places might help steer away from that misconception.

Thanks for taking this time with me.

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by requiescant_in_pace

I see where you're coming from. Completely.
Yes. Food for thought is a good way to put it. Luther is a drunken asshole, of course. But I inteded for the story to make you wonder how he lives with himself. When I asked 'what does he really bring into the dark with him, I was getting at that.

I think that in order to beg that question on any compelling level, you need to give the reader some idea of what kind of guy he is outisde of his assholeish tendencies. Like I said, subtle is cool, but at least give some clues - some places tostart. Showing nothing but his cuntery begets little besides judgment, to me, which your commentary suggests is not what you're going for.

Originally Posted by requiescant_in_pace

I did not intend for the story to be anti-climactic. I accepted that it would be. The ending felt right to me. Like I said, I wanted people to spend time with the character.

See above - personally I need something to go on, if there's to be any response besides "what a dick".

Originally Posted by requiescant_in_pace

I don't really know either. Luther and I aren't old college roomates, he doesn't send be birthday cards I can speculate what it is. If you want, I'll post a reply about all the things that I think allows him to be that way. But I don't think it belongs in the story, because then I'd just be spoon-feeding it to the reader. Some of what you take away from this story will be based on how you see the world.

To a point, but a total blank slate is pointless IMO. It doesn't pull you in. You don't have to overwhelm with your conception of the character - just give something to build around. Some memories of his would be one example - the interretation could be ambiguous and left up to the reader. But to me, this was just, "yeah, I'm a total bastard. Fuck everyone. Pussy and whiskey, dat's where it's at". That's not interesting - it's what it SURROUNDS that could be. The character just didn't feel rounded - he could have been any selfish dick. If there's more to him than that, show it, even if it's not overt.

Originally Posted by requiescant_in_pace

I do want to make this story better. When I rewrite it I'll keep everything that you're saying in mind. Some of my allusions are probably a little vague, but I have to defend the substance of the story against the accusation, it's simply about a drunkard that likes pussy. Sheding a little more light in the right places might help steer away from that misconception.

Thanks for taking this time with me.

It's cool, man. Thank YOU for not getting butthurt over what is genuinely intended as constructive criticism.

Like I've said, the issue isn't the character in and of himself, but the fact that nothing was shown of him but his tendency to be a dick. I could probably make better suggestions if you cared to elaborate on how YOU see the character, where he's coming from, why he is the way he is. I get that you want to leave some room for personal interpretation, but I think that's still doable and the 2 aren't mutually exclusive - in fact I think it would benefit the story hugely. It's cool if you don't care to do that, but I still think it's lacking something fundamental to the telling of a story that grips.