Too Dangerous

[Catch]

Okay, I have a problem. I've been trying to bring down certain fears that I have by recalling when the fear started. For example, I used to go swimming in the ocean and it frequently made sense to swim out past the shelf to get a good tan and one day I swam too far out to see the shelf in full. Out past the shelf I looked under the water and could see large octopi crawling out of these little holes in the cliffs. It kind of looks like one of the final scenes in "Dusk til Dawn." Octopi are killers so luckily there was something more dangerous in the water, Mata Ray. They are like ray fish, but twenty time bigger. It was extremely dangerous but it gives me a rush. I swam back into shore and everything was okay.

It wasn't until visiting Crater Lake again that all of my fears of water began. Unfortunately the fear of heights didn't set in until later. Combined knowledge of swimming in the flawlessly pure water and deadly snakes with climbing over the ridge to see the mile drop into the water set off something deadly. I cannot make the jump but really want to. In addition, I imagine swimming happily with the poisonous snake across the lake.

I've swam rivers before and jumped off building. I really do not understand how anyone could die jumping off of a school. So, thinking about this I really, really want to climb up to this place in the woods. It is a fall with about a two to three story drop into a river and it has been raining a lot. I think I can make it and it would be so fun. There is nothing that I am logically afraid of except the potential of dying and it is probably a bad idea.

It would be such a rush. When I was younger I drove over fifty miles an hour up winding canyon roads. I loved jumping off high places and danger is fun.

I've been thinking about jumping off of this particular cliff for several months and finally put it to rest; however, remembering Crater Lake the fascination is overwhelming. I'm ready to walk up there tomorrow. Possibly looking at it would help. Maybe just a little jump.

I thought writing about it might help. I really don't think getting in touch with my fears has helped at all. It might have been good, because something inside me knows it's a bad idea, but everything else is thinking go for it.

Any ideas?

[Miss Absynthe]

What are you actually asking?

[Catch]

Well I've gotten in touch with the source of my fears, yet what I'm thinking is not illogical. I could do it at any time. Perhaps I should think of some kind of middle ground.

[Kasdeja]

I'm glad you were able to write it out... sometimes that's the first step in the right direction. I'm not sure what the middle ground would be. I think you'd have to actually be in the situation to determine middle ground.

Funny, I've lived in Oregon all my life, but never been to Crater Lake. This must be eventually remedied.

Sorry I couldn't be of more help, Catch.

[Catch]

I was thinking of taking up hang-gliding.

[Grausamkeit]

Quit smoking crack.

[CuckooTuli]

Unless it's the nice crack that makes you feel invincible.