Decoding Behavior

[mrs.wes straker]

Would you say that if someone smiles when they see you, that they think you're cute, or is could it be that they just find you to be idiotic? Or fun? What behavior do you find you involuntarily display when you are attracted to someone? Reversed, do you behave certain ways around people you don't care for too much without even realizing it?

[honeythorn]

If I am attracted to someone I immediately try not to be anywhere near them . I do this because I know they will not feel the same. If I am forced by circumstance to be in proximity to them I don't speak at all unless they speak to me first ( I do this with everyone though so that's not that unusual ) I won't go more than 3 feet close unless I have to , avoiding all physical contact where possible, and I won't look them in the eye. Basically I almost pretend they do not exist. It just isn't worth the rejection, that would just make me worse than I am already .

As for people I dislike, they get similar treatment, but I do not avoid their gaze, I hold it. People have told me I have an intimidating stare but I don't really know. It's hard to replicate in a mirror since I dislike myself in a different way . I do have a slight twitch, and if I really hate that person then I visibly bristle. If I had hackles they would be raised like a scrubbing brush.


As you can tell I analyse my own behaviour constantly !

[HumanePain]

::whispers to honeythorn::
You shouldn't dislike yourself, you are awesome!
I have seen your photos, so I know!

[mrs.wes straker]

Originally Posted by honeythorn

If I am attracted to someone I immediately try not to be anywhere near them . I do this because I know they will not feel the same. If I am forced by circumstance to be in proximity to them I don't speak at all unless they speak to me first ( I do this with everyone though so that's not that unusual )

I'm not single anymore, but I do find people attractive every now and then, and I do the same thing. I don't want them to think I was looking at them. It's out of insecurity.

[honeythorn]

::whispers to honeythorn::You shouldn't dislike yourself, you are awesome!
I have seen your photos, so I know!

That's really sweet Humane, but sadly I do dislike myself. A lot. And so do men. By which I mean that they do not appear to find me attractive. I can understand that. The pictures you have seen have been taken at just the right angle and overexposed in an attempt to make me look vaguely normal. I have male friends, who I can have a great laugh with and so on, but I can genuinely tell you that not one single sober guy has ever attempted to chat me up, not even when I was a teenager. I might occasionally get a lewd comment by some drunken middle aged man in the pub, but that's it.


And yet, I am intruiged to see women even bigger than me ( and some far uglier ), with men at their sides, and I really wonder how they have managed that. They always seem very outgoing and bubbly, which is more than likely what attracted the aforementioned men I presume. But I am not like that. I never have been. I just couldn't force myself to be that way. I wonder if they had to? I'm rambling now.


Besides, I have quite particular taste in men. The ones I like are either so gorgeous they blind you, gay, married or just utterly unobtainable and to top it all off I don't know any goths in real life, so I can't exactly go to goth nights and look there.

To be fair, if I was a christian I might as well be a nun ! haha

I'm used to it all now. You learn to live with it.* shrugs *

[mrs.wes straker]

You answered the question to your own problem---it's your taste/personality. I actually don't care for really good loking guys at all, but ironically, my husband is really cute. (He tricked me into thinking he had a good personality ha, ha) I can relate to you unfortnate magnetism to attached men. That sucks.
If you work on your self image your bad picks might change for the better!!!

[honeythorn]

Oh I know. I self analyse every minitue (sp?), which I know I shouldn't do, but I can't help it. I'd be ectsatic to recieve genuine attention from any guy, average looking or pant wettingly gorgeous , because I would know that at least someone found me attractive. It isn't a case of me picking someone, It's actually being in a situation where I would be found attractive by someone I found attractive in return. And yet, I know that if someone did express a genuine interest, I honestly don't think I would recognise it ( having never recieved any positivity about my appearance by people in daily life ) and worse yet, I know I would probably dismiss it or make a joke of it, which would be the wrong thing to do, and undoubtedly put that person off even more. I am a victim of myself as it were.

[Clockwork]

Originally Posted by honeythorn

I honestly don't think I would recognise it

Then how do you know guys aren't admiring you, and you just can't tell?

I don't think you're that bad at all.

[KontanKarite]

I do my best... to stay to myself. I have no problems with making friends. Friends I can deal with. Lovers... I honestly think it's probably better for me to be alone. Hell, I can't play the love game at all. If I even so much as give someone attention that they don't normally get from me, I feel like I'm being a stalker. For me, I don't know why, but I don't FEEL like it's okay to let people know I'm attracted to them. I've actually managed to keep myself from being attracted to people in general for a good long while now. A perverse state of zen if you will.

[mrs.wes straker]

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

I do my best... to stay to myself. I have no problems with making friends. Friends I can deal with. Lovers... I honestly think it's probably better for me to be alone. Hell, I can't play the love game at all. If I even so much as give someone attention that they don't normally get from me, I feel like I'm being a stalker. For me, I don't know why, but I don't FEEL like it's okay to let people know I'm attracted to them. I've actually managed to keep myself from being attracted to people in general for a good long while now. A perverse state of zen if you will.

Man, I don't get it. Your look gorgeous in your pictures, as you already know. I don't know how you're not swatting girls off you like flies. :-P

[KontanKarite]

Originally Posted by mrs.wes straker

Man, I don't get it. Your look gorgeous in your pictures, as you already know. I don't know how you're not swatting girls off you like flies. :-P

I don't know, Straker. What I don't understand is how people on this site and the internet find me attractive. But in real life, it's different. Oddly enough, I do nothing to say that my character is a bad one. From what I've gathered, the people that know me agree that I'm a decent person.

People just do not talk to me in real life. Beats me. Actually, I think some of it has to do with the environments I subject myself to. I'm starting to find people can be quite superficial in real life.

Also, I AM a goth. What have we learned about goths? They have a tendency to scare people away for silly reasons that aren't of their own doing.

Oh, and apparently a friend of mine once told me, "Pretty faces are not trust-worthy."

Overall, I really don't know though. I'm really much better in a private setting.

[mrs.wes straker]

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

I don't know, Straker. What I don't understand is how people on this site and the internet find me attractive. But in real life, it's different. Oddly enough, I do nothing to say that my character is a bad one. From what I've gathered, the people that know me agree that I'm a decent person.

People just do not talk to me in real life. Beats me. Actually, I think some of it has to do with the environments I subject myself to. I'm starting to find people can be quite superficial in real life.

Also, I AM a goth. What have we learned about goths? They have a tendency to scare people away for silly reasons that aren't of their own doing.

Yes, I should mention, that my taste is not of the norm. I like the just came from the 80s/dead/goth guy look. Most girls I know like Abercrombie and Fitch/Hip Hop/trendy types. Maybe that's why you have trouble finding people in real life, but the people here are always complimenting you. We share the same tastes, but they are not popular ones, generally speaking. I still think you'd be cute if you weren't goth, but if you were like, a surfer dude, for example, I wouldn't be making such a big deal over your looks. I have seen your pics, I think we all agree here--you are soo cute. I guess it just comes back to who you're hanging out with, and again, I can't understand how you don't find that people are always attracted to you. Maybe you don't notice???

[KontanKarite]

Well, I did have this one girl crushing on me. She told me that I do things or that I am in ways, things that are "alluring". But I'm not aware of them.

Of course it DOES have to do with tastes. I'm at odds with The Exile, my local goth club. Yes, it advertises as such, but it's more of a place where artists rub elbows and do business and it just happens to play industrial and goth music.

Apparently, there's a striking difference between goths and artists. I manage to get along with both. But when the place I call my stomping grounds is more of a place of business, then there's no pleasure to be had.

YYYyep. People would think it'd be easy if I changed my image. But being black clad and eccentric looking makes me feel comfortable and normal.

[Saddiction]

I have the same problem Kontan.. or did have, which is why I never persue anyone anymore. It always blows up in my face. When I'm single, I'm generally single for quite a few months at a time. *sigh*

I'm in a happy relationship now though

[mrs.wes straker]

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Well, I did have this one girl crushing on me. She told me that I do things or that I am in ways, things that are "alluring". But I'm not aware of them.

Yeah, but you don't like girls so that doesn't help, does it?

[KontanKarite]

Well, it's kinda the same with guys. Not that I don't like people, but I find it hard to be attracted to anyone in general. Sometimes I'm more attracted to the ideas of doing things and having something than the actual person in question.

I'm not full blown homosexual. I just... hell, I don't really know right now. Part of me feels like I'm not quite ready to be with a girl again for quite a long time. That means I really have only one other alternative cause I generally LIKE companionship.

[mrs.wes straker]

Oi, confusing.

[killer_asian_Dax]

I generally tend to try to stay away from ALL people. I can't be bothered to deal with the stupid and I have a pretty good track record of picking the wrong ones. So I've just opted to stay away from the world. I've been told that guys check me out, but I don't see it. Hell- they could come up to me and TELL me that they think I'm attractive and I won't hear a thing.

I like the idea of companionship, but it seldom, if ever has worked out for me. They always end up rolling out of bed with feelings. UGH! (Apparently cuddling denotes heart-felt affection) I've been doing a pretty damn good job at avoiding the ones that annoy me and staying far away from the ones I do find attractive (on the very off chance they may actually be interested in me).

With the grand exception of this one new friend I've made. Sadly I'm attracted to him very much, but luckily I've done a very good job of not letting a stupid thing like feelings take over my composed, logical self.

[KontanKarite]

Straker, let's just say that Dax and I share the same sentiment essentially.

The only problem is... I'm still trying to figure some shit out.

[mrs.wes straker]

Must be a personality thing. No offense; I've been with my husband for years and I'm still trying to figure things out. I think it would be that way with me and anyone, forever.