Blood and Fire

[Gothic Piano]

Okay, I want as many criticisms as possible. Tell me what to do to make this better, please.

Fire and blood, they glisten
How beautiful they both are
They fascinate the wondering eye
Fire’s never ending flame
Blood's never ending shining redness

As blood drips down her throat as she dies
Candles showing her cold, pale face
Touching her lips so cold
Compared to the fire's torching flame
Her blood trickling down
It is putting out the lit candles little by little
Leaving nothing but puddles of blood
When all her blood is drained out
All that is left is blood and fire
The fire burning
And the blood dripping

The cries of this blood and fire
They are so great
They put a smile upon my face

My blood, my fire, shall they never end

[Kitten of the Catacomb]

Originally Posted by Gothic Piano

Okay, I want as many criticisms as possible. Tell me what to do to make this better, please.

Fire and blood, they glisten
How beautiful they both are
They fascinate the wondering eye
Fire’s never ending flame
Blood's never ending shining redness

'Redness' seems out of place. Perhaps 'crimson' would be a better fit?

Also, for the line that begins with "It is", I feel "It's" would flow more fluently.

Other than that, I like this poem very much.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Has potential, too many cliches.
A goth writing about blood dripping--well fancy THAT.

[Aaroneet]

Watch the redundancy. You have two consecutive lines revolving around the same adjective, "cold". One other comment; making a line that states how beautiful something is I consider to be, in this case, superfluous. Hide the line with metaphor; otherwise, it is not needed. The subject matter is one you can easily work with. Continue writing.

[Breathless Horror]

I would offer advice, but as my poetic skill is far from even just acceptable, I will merely offer support. I like it a lot, keep up the good work.