My Undying Love (another 14 lines sonnet)

[obscurite_beautee]

Wandering through darkness for my inner light
Light of Orion shines upon me at this hour
Finding my soulmate would be a heavenly sight
My slowly beating heart will no longer feel sour


My love is greater than universe
Nothing could ever overcome eternal love
This eternal love would lift all curse
Your soul is whiter than wings of a dove


Your love brings me peace
No longer we will be in vain
nothing will put us to cease
All enemies will be of slain


This cherished love will I always behold
Together may we grow old

[HumanePain]

Very nice, I liked it, but the phrase:
"no longer feel sour"
disrupted the flow, "sour" just didn't seem to go with the rest of the dark love poem.

If I may suggest, perhaps this rendition would flow a little better:

Wandering through darkness for my inner light
Light of Orion shines upon me at this hour
Finding my soulmate would be a heavenly sight
And would give my beating heart power.

But I liked the rest of it. You can describe your visions, very talented.

[obscurite_beautee]

Thank you very very much for the insight and advice.....I really appreciate it! Unfortunately I have been far too busy nowadays with work to even write! I am quite saddened by it greatly ....


Now I shall go edit it and give you the credit as well

Hmm now that I try to edit it, there is no edit button for it?