Mad at my Best Friend

Blindness is Black · 10-24-2007, 07:35 PM

It's a guy, and he's tall and skinny and a little awkward. He's not gorgeous, but his face is usually cheerful and he's very friendly. His voice used to be really squeaky, but isn't anymore. I still call him Squeaky anyway. We dated for five months last year, and broke up on good terms, trading boyfriend/girlfriend for best friends. It's pretty safe to say that I love him.

I was pretty busy over the summer, and so I didn't have much time to call or hang out with him.

So, he got a new girlfriend.

Don't get me wrong; It's not jealousy, and I'm not angry that he didn't tell me.
I moved to Princeton from Montgomery almost three years ago. My friend (we'll call him Bob) 's girlfriend (Ann) also moved from Montgomery. As a result, I've known her longer than anyone at my current school. And can I just say she wasn't a very nice girl?

I'm not saying people can't change--and Ann definitely seems to have changed. Her style is entirely different; she used to be very preppy, and now she dresses very punk, but feminine. But I can't help feeling as if her personality has changed, not really. Matured a bit, maybe, but not actually different.

The thing is, Bob's recently become very distant towards me; we hardly exchange more than "hello's" at the off chance we meet in the hallways. He's started doing drugs--something he's admitted to me--and I think, smoking. He was arrested yesterday for drug charges, held in custody for 3 hours, and is now suspended for 5 days. It may sound silly of me to worry so much, but the fact is that I'm so straight-edged that hearing one of my closest friends is, in my eyes, throwing his life away, is making me pathetically paranoid.
And I have a strong suspicion his girlfriend is the one who caused, inadvertently or not, all of this.
Ann is very short and very, very pretty, wears a lot of makeup, but wears it well, and likes to wear heels and long T-shirts as dresses. She smokes and probably drinks, acts very self-confident, and goes through boys faster than I go through Sharpies. She's been known to consider cheating on guys who are really dedicated to her, so I can see how Bob would feel insecure, especially since I know how open and honest he is with his own feelings. I have a feeling Ann is the reason Bob's been avoiding me; my friends theorize she feels threatened, even though Bob and I separated over a year ago and we've made it very clear we're only friends. And I think Bob is trying to impress Ann with the drugs and whatever else he's doing.

And to top it all off: Last night, he messaged me, asking me how to make up with his girlfriend, because apparently she's furious she can't see him for a week because of his suspension. I can't help but think that he has bigger issues, and it saddens me that this is all that he cares about.

Christina_Death1334 · 10-24-2007, 08:24 PM

You have a right to be mad at him. I have a friend who almost went to jail for drugs. When I saw him, I slapped him and lectured him. I was worried about him and he didn't seem to care.

And Ann may or may not be the cause of this. Be careful not to assume anything. Ask him why he started doing it. If you two are close, like you say, he'll be honest. If it is her fault stress to him that she's no good for him. And if it's his own fault (which it kinda is either way) then you'll just have to deal with Ann if she makes him happy.

Either way, I hope everything clears up soon.

Blindness is Black · 10-24-2007, 08:43 PM

That's just it--on the outside, she seems perfect for him. But I know it's at least partially because of her--it's just a gut feeling, you know? He /never/ had any interest in this kind of thing before...he's book-dumb, but brilliant in his own way. He loved paint balling and airsoft and manga and he built computers and has six in his room and BB-gun pellets all over the carpet. He's sensitive and caring, and he kept that ceramic relief carving I did in freshman art class on his bookshelf next to his bed even though I thought it was perfectly awful, and I loved him so much. He was the absolute last person I thought would get caught up in something like this, which is why it hit me so hard when he told me. I used to be able to really /talk/ to him, which is rare because it's so hard for me to open up to anyone--I could be completely honest with him. But now when I try to talk to him, I see his girlfriend glaring at me out of the corner of my eye, and once she actually came over and pulled him away, after we hadn't spoken a word to each other all week. I was incredibly pissed, although I didn't show it. He didn't even say anything! And now he's all but running at the sight of me, and I hate not knowing what's going on in his life and why he's avoiding me like the plague.

I want to hit him as hard as I can (which is pretty hard) and scream at him that he's an idiot and that she's not good enough for him. But I can't because he's suspended, and not answering his damn phone. And by the time he gets back, my fury probably will have cooled.

Christina_Death1334 · 10-24-2007, 08:47 PM

If it's a gut feeling, you're probably right. After all, you know him best. I hope you can talk to him soon, because I can see that you really care about him. He might need your words to get his life back on track. And if she is a bitch, like you say, then she can't be good for him.

Draconysius · 10-24-2007, 08:49 PM

Which drugs are he taking, if you don't mind me asking?

Blindness is Black · 10-24-2007, 08:55 PM

I wish I knew...all I know is that he was arrested for doing drugs, he didn't specify.

Christina_Death1334 · 10-24-2007, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Draconysius

Which drugs are he taking, if you don't mind me asking?

Hopefully nothing too bad...

Blindness is Black · 10-24-2007, 09:05 PM

Off topic, but that ImmortalVampyre brat is not improving my sullen mood. Did he log on and decide to be an asshole today, or is he always like that? I've never noticed him before.

Christina_Death1334 · 10-24-2007, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blindness is Black

Off topic, but that ImmortalVampyre brat is not improving my sullen mood. Did he log on and decide to be an asshole today, or is he always like that? I've never noticed him before.

Every since I noticed him, ne's been disrespectful. And he had an entire thread dedicated to insulting other's religion. When they got pissed, he called them stupid. I've chosen to ignore him, because he obviously has nothing good to say.

Blindness is Black · 10-24-2007, 09:17 PM

Check this out:

"First off I looked at your picture and you look like a dirty fucking asian.
I fucking hate asians.

Hitler should have included asians in the holocaust.

P.S.

You look like a fucking boy and are hideous."

I didn't know whether to roar with laughter or tell him he's an idiot with no life, so in the end I did both.

Christina_Death1334 · 10-24-2007, 09:25 PM

That guy has some serious problems. Earlier he said something along the lines of "This is a Goth site. Why do you guys believe in God?" And he insulted me for being an atheist and sticking up for the Christian-Goths on this site. Hey, people are people!

BloodMusic · 10-24-2007, 09:31 PM

So, lets just take him out back, beat the shit out of him, and be done with it. That's really all he's earned anyway.

Blindness is Black · 10-24-2007, 09:33 PM

He's one of those idiots who tries to make everyone else out to be the bad guy and fails utterly. I bet he thought all goths were Satan worshippers.

Blindness is Black · 10-24-2007, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BloodMusic

So, lets just take him out back, beat the shit out of him, and be done with it. That's really all he's earned anyway.

Unfortunately I don't know where he lives.

BloodMusic · 10-24-2007, 09:36 PM

He'd fit right in at my school. Ah well, if people like him didn't exist it would make our existence so much more vain.

Christina_Death1334 · 10-24-2007, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blindness is Black

He's one of those idiots who tries to make everyone else out to be the bad guy and fails utterly. I bet he thought all goths were Satan worshippers.

I wouldn't doubt it!!

Underwater Ophelia · 10-25-2007, 08:42 AM

Why not ignore Immortal Vampyre and worry about things that matter, like your friend.

First of all, saying it's his girlfriend's fault isn't fair. Granted, she may have put him in a position to do drugs, but it's his choice. HE is doing bad things to himself. Second, I've been in this exact situation, and am currently trying to deal with it. All you can really do is be there for him. It fucking sucks, but there's probably absolutely nothing you can do for him. I know you want to take him and hit him and hit him and scream at him until he "gets it." He won't. One day, hopefully, he'll realize he's hurting himself, and he'll try to fix himself up. All you can do is wait for that day, and be there for him when he decides to help himself.

Christina_Death1334 · 10-25-2007, 03:39 PM

Underwater Ophelia has a good point. Only he can help himself...

LadyLucretia · 10-25-2007, 03:45 PM

You will find that throughout life your friendships will evolve and change as people change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. Most people go through a few bad phases in their life, and this may be one for "Bob." Ophelia is right that all you can do is support him from a distance and wait for him to come around. Trying to "fix" it in any way will likely just make things more messy.

Blindness is Black · 10-25-2007, 04:19 PM

I never said it was so much her fault as she was the reason Bob made this decision for himself. I /don't/ want to take him and hit him and scream at him until he "gets it", because I /know/ he won't "get it" and all my little outburst will earn me is a resignation letter of his friendship.
I don't intend to try to "fix" things, and I'm not looking for advice on how to "fix" things. This was simply a rant to get the feelings out there.

Underwater Ophelia · 10-25-2007, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blindness is Black

I never said it was so much her fault as she was the reason Bob made this decision for himself. I /don't/ want to take him and hit him and scream at him until he "gets it", because I /know/ he won't "get it" and all my little outburst will earn me is a resignation letter of his friendship.
I don't intend to try to "fix" things, and I'm not looking for advice on how to "fix" things. This was simply a rant to get the feelings out there.

I don't really know why you're being defensive, hell, maybe you're not and I'm just reading that into this, but there's no reason for it.
I wasn't chastising you or anything.

Blindness is Black · 10-25-2007, 04:43 PM

Nah, I just want to make sure no one's taking my words the wrong way. People seem to do that =P the "defensiveness" you sense is probably because I'm pretty blunt with words when I'm not all poetical-ish.

Underwater Ophelia · 10-25-2007, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blindness is Black

Nah, I just want to make sure no one's taking my words the wrong way. People seem to do that =P the "defensiveness" you sense is probably because I'm pretty blunt with words when I'm not all poetical-ish.

Uh, ok.

blahblahblahtencharacters!

Valerius · 10-25-2007, 06:47 PM

Eh, sooner or later your friend should get it. He just needs to learn it for himself, because it seems right now he basically can't see his hand in front of his own face.

Christina_Death1334 · 10-25-2007, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Valerius

Eh, sooner or later your friend should get it. He just needs to learn it for himself, because it seems right now he basically can't see his hand in front of his own face.

Agreed. I have a friend who will never improve because, honestly, he doesn't want to.