Very depressed lately...

rooney · 10-29-2007, 01:00 AM

about: lack of girlfriend

Well, the title says a lot... Basically, I keep seeing happy couples everywhere I go and I am missing out because I am, I dunno, shy and stuff like that. I just got back from a club (non-goth due to friends b-day) and all around me were people talking/flirting with each other and having a great time. I mean, I did talk to some people but they didn't do anything for me. Yes, these are random unorganized thoughts... Anyways, I dunno what to do. Basically, here's a little about me and I'd like some feedback that can help me out in any way.

I am 22. I have been single since the age of 14 (had a "girlfriend" for a couple months... never really did anything with that, so not really a gf)... I am extremely shy and am always thought of as the "nice guy that finishes last" because I like to treat girls nicely and in a gentleman-like manner... What I mean by that is, for example, I don't stare at the hottest chick in the room and yell out how fine the "piece of meat" looks... Also, I really like girls that have morals, like today, some girls were walking around practically naked and my buddies were doing the typical guy stuff. The girls complained to the bouncer and tried to get them kicked out!!! WHY DID YOU DRESS LIKE A SKANK AND EXPECT TO BE TREATED LIKE A CIVILIZED PERSON??? /rant So, yeah... I have no idea what to do and/or where to go to meet somebody. I have always wanted to join a "gothic" community partially because I know gothic girls have morals and will accept me for me. The problem is I know no one in chicago, or even illinois, to show me around.

I dunno what to say anymore... I am just so depressed that I don't want to type anything anymore... Somebody please write something helpful, anything, so that when I wake up tomorrow, I can feel a bit better... Thanks for anything...

Methadrine · 10-29-2007, 04:25 AM

Girls/women should always be treated like any civilized person even if they dress, in your eyes, "skanky". They're still people you know.

If you're shy, try to date over the Internet then. That way you can show who and how you are through text and when you finally meet the person both you and her will feel like it's a longtime friend you meet, and a lot of the shyness will be gone.

I wouldn't go for gothgirls though if you want someone "fast".

Necropolis · 10-29-2007, 06:04 AM

You sound like you've got your act together but that the right person hasn't come along yet. I'm not sure that the whole meeting people at a club tactic is the best idea. I'm the worst at giving advice on where to meet people because I always seem to fall into relationships like they were predestined, but if I were trying to meet someone, I would park my ass at the library or something and try to meet someone with a brain rather than just a hollow superficial shell adorned with various affectations (like most people at clubs).

Methadrine has a good point about the internet dating; it's worked wonders for us (lol). It seems perfect for people that are shy. I think you really should give it some consideration.

Necropolis · 10-29-2007, 06:07 AM

And if someone is going to be an upstart about the club comment, just go ahead and cool your jets. I realize there are some decent people that do the clubbing thing and I'm well aware that it was a sterotypical blanket statement. I'm just saying for the most part, ok.

I'm also just giving my personal opinion about how that is the last place I would try to seek out a mate.

d.Nox · 10-29-2007, 10:29 AM

Quote:

I am 22. I have been single since the age of 14 (had a "girlfriend" for a couple months... never really did anything with that, so not really a gf)... I am extremely shy and am always thought of as the "nice guy that finishes last" because I like to treat girls nicely and in a gentleman-like manner...

This describes me perfectly as I was at 22, except you're one girlfriend up on my former self.

Then my (now) wife appeared, as if from nowhere--she was my roommate's sister from out of state, coming to visit for a couple days. It was, quite literally, love at first sight. We've been together for 6 years now, and are one of those happy couples you talk about being jealous of.

My point is, don't give up. Things happen, and you don't know when or how; just be open to them.

Also, "nice guys who finish last" often finish best. Girls worth your time are also worth waiting for. Don't sell yourself short.

Wormboy · 10-29-2007, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by d.Nox

Girls worth your time are also worth waiting for. .

TRUTH!

Yeah, don't stress about this man. You have your whole life. In the meantime, enjoy being single, enjoy the right to say and do what you wan't without worry about making your girlfriend mad. ^_^

Edward Strange · 10-29-2007, 12:39 PM

I second the truth-age!
I understand this is all very well said, and it is easier said than done. However, should you find yourself in a relationship you 'rushed' you will almost certainly find yourself just a little bit disappointed.

I met my current lady friend over the internet, which is a good idea -in theory-. Unfortunately this often leads to long distance relationships which can be a real b*stard!
But yes, I'm so glad I met her, because it feels for the first time in my life I'm in love. Not infatuated with some Goddess like nymphet, but properly in love. If you see what I mean.

Anyway! Advice. Employing the services of mister N. Ter-Net are always good because you get to show yourself for if not who you really are deep down, who you have the potential to be.
Even if that person might happen to some sort of illiterate gibbering console-tard as most of the denizens of Facebook seem to be.
But yes, they get to know who you are 'neath your skin and as you appear to be more than a little literate I'm sure it can hardly do any harm.
Having said that though, when using the Interweb option, you have to crawl through alot of rubbish to find someone who you find actually clicks with you.

On that note, most Goth gurls who have profiles on such sites have about 45 million friends. I don't understand it myself I can only assume it's because 99.9% of those people had the same idea as I did back when I was a lusty teenager filled with raging male hormones.
So perhaps a subtle touch is needed.

I met my lovely 'other half' through a forum we both used (the Society of Strange) and we weren't the first couple to have done so. Something else to keep in mind perhaps?

Hard as it may be to believe, there are lady's out there who do appreciate a gentleman with manners who is a little bit different from the run of the mill Johnny Chavs, so you have that in your favour.
Anyway, once again I am rambling so I shall quietly depart. >_>

Christina_Death1334 · 10-29-2007, 03:30 PM

I was about to give up all hope on love and actually (stupidly) end my life on account of this. (If I had, it would have been the stupidest choice I could ever have made!) But then I met the most wonderful person. One who loves ME rather than who they think I am.

My point? Wait it out. Or try that internet option. You'll find her. I promise.

Graveyard.Crow · 10-29-2007, 06:47 PM

I for one am glad there are men out there who want to be gentle to ladies, and prefer morals over BOOBIIIIEESSS.

This made ME feel good about humanity in general.

Wormboy · 10-29-2007, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graveyard.Crow

I for one am glad there are men out there who want to be gentle to ladies, and prefer morals over BOOBIIIIEESSS.

This made ME feel good about humanity in general.

Personality and intelligence, you'd be surprised how many men actually value those two things above all else.

The boobs are just a bonus ^_^

Graveyard.Crow · 10-29-2007, 08:40 PM

I don't like boobs, I like flat women. Or just small breasted. NANANANANANA
XD

Steppenwolf · 10-29-2007, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Methadrine

Girls/women should always be treated like any civilized person even if they dress, in your eyes, "skanky". They're still people you know.

Truth .

I have my moral and I'm honest , I read books (some may be "trash" and some may be "deep" or "good") , I don't want every man on earth falling in love with me/shouting "YOU'RE SOOO HOT BABE" , but ... I dress "skanky" sometimes ... So what? I'm still the same , you know , I'm too a old fashioned shy girl with moral , faith and dignity ...

Why shouldn't a woman enjoy her vanity from time to time , if you guys are doing it too?

What is different in me : I don't care about what others may think or say about this image they made for themselves ... I know who am I , I know veeeeery well ...

If you want to find someone out there , you have to find yourself first . Take your time : Is the only thing related to relationships that doesn't hurt .

In the meanwhile keep yourself busy and try finding a girl who shares your interests . And be yourself .

And try to smile at her if you feel on the mood , or give her a flower , don't be afraid ... She doesn't know until you show her .

rooney · 10-29-2007, 11:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Methadrine

Girls/women should always be treated like any civilized person even if they dress, in your eyes, "skanky". They're still people you know.

If you're shy, try to date over the Internet then. That way you can show who and how you are through text and when you finally meet the person both you and her will feel like it's a longtime friend you meet, and a lot of the shyness will be gone.

I wouldn't go for gothgirls though if you want someone "fast".

I do treat girls as civilized people no matter what, even if naked... I went to Bar Chicago a couple months ago and found out it was Girls Gone Wild night after it was too late... There was a wasted girl there in the corner completely naked pleasuring herself and I took the shirt off my back and covered her up to protect her from the crazy people that where there... It is sad to se someone like that influenced byh alcohol so I tried to make the situation better... No idea what happened to her since I had to leave soon after...

I will ask this, a lot of people suggest internet and I cna be found on chicago.craigslist.com looking at all the w4m posts seeing if anybody fits me and a couple people do, but I get no replies from them... What do you/you guys use to meet real women?

I don't want a goth girl because she is "fast", whatever that means... I want a goth girl because I know they are not afraid to hide what is on their minds...

rooney · 10-29-2007, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Necropolis

You sound like you've got your act together but that the right person hasn't come along yet. I'm not sure that the whole meeting people at a club tactic is the best idea. I'm the worst at giving advice on where to meet people because I always seem to fall into relationships like they were predestined, but if I were trying to meet someone, I would park my ass at the library or something and try to meet someone with a brain rather than just a hollow superficial shell adorned with various affectations (like most people at clubs).

Methadrine has a good point about the internet dating; it's worked wonders for us (lol). It seems perfect for people that are shy. I think you really should give it some consideration.

I actually am against meeting potential partners at clubs because I know that what they say they are is most likely not true... I have tried the library scene but with internet being the latest craze (which I am not a huge fan of) to find info, it has really been hard to meet diverse people at the library... It just seems that with the advancement of technology, it is getting harder to do anything and everything in a traditional manner...

rooney · 10-29-2007, 11:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Necropolis

And if someone is going to be an upstart about the club comment, just go ahead and cool your jets. I realize there are some decent people that do the clubbing thing and I'm well aware that it was a sterotypical blanket statement. I'm just saying for the most part, ok.

I'm also just giving my personal opinion about how that is the last place I would try to seek out a mate.

I agree, but then I must ask, why do girls go out and show themselves like that? What is the point of acting like a "slut" at a club? Getting free drinks? Having a 1 night stand with the hottest guy at the club? What is it? What is the point of clubbing if it is not to meet people you connect with? Unless you are already out with guys/girls and having a good time...

rooney · 10-29-2007, 11:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by d.Nox

This describes me perfectly as I was at 22, except you're one girlfriend up on my former self.

Then my (now) wife appeared, as if from nowhere--she was my roommate's sister from out of state, coming to visit for a couple days. It was, quite literally, love at first sight. We've been together for 6 years now, and are one of those happy couples you talk about being jealous of.

My point is, don't give up. Things happen, and you don't know when or how; just be open to them.

Also, "nice guys who finish last" often finish best. Girls worth your time are also worth waiting for. Don't sell yourself short.

That is a great statement! It makes me feel better about myself not selling short of just anybody... I really do appreciate this and it is good to know that I am not the only one that has gone through this...

rooney · 10-29-2007, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wormboy

TRUTH!

Yeah, don't stress about this man. You have your whole life. In the meantime, enjoy being single, enjoy the right to say and do what you wan't without worry about making your girlfriend mad. ^_^

See, here is the thing... I just get so focused in thought about having a wife, kids, house, etc. that I forget the fun part of being single, but at the same time, I am starting to realize that going through the younger years stag are not as fun as I thought... I went through high school without a girlfriend and now college without even a date so I am losing myself in thought...

Lemme say this, I know that Seinfeld is just a show and all but how can he just have a new girl every other episode? I know there are people out there doing it daily and I have tried just by winking at somebody at a bookstore or chatting with a beautiful girl at hobby lobby but how do you get her to be interested in you? The girl at hobby lobby was really nice to me and as I was leaving, she kept an eye on me and I stepped out of the checkout line to see if she needed any help... I think she got creeped out or something cuz she just walked away saying that she was fine... I don't get it...

rooney · 10-30-2007, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Edward Strange

I second the truth-age!
I understand this is all very well said, and it is easier said than done. However, should you find yourself in a relationship you 'rushed' you will almost certainly find yourself just a little bit disappointed.

I met my current lady friend over the internet, which is a good idea -in theory-. Unfortunately this often leads to long distance relationships which can be a real b*stard!
But yes, I'm so glad I met her, because it feels for the first time in my life I'm in love. Not infatuated with some Goddess like nymphet, but properly in love. If you see what I mean.

Anyway! Advice. Employing the services of mister N. Ter-Net are always good because you get to show yourself for if not who you really are deep down, who you have the potential to be.
Even if that person might happen to some sort of illiterate gibbering console-tard as most of the denizens of Facebook seem to be.
But yes, they get to know who you are 'neath your skin and as you appear to be more than a little literate I'm sure it can hardly do any harm.
Having said that though, when using the Interweb option, you have to crawl through alot of rubbish to find someone who you find actually clicks with you.

On that note, most Goth gurls who have profiles on such sites have about 45 million friends. I don't understand it myself I can only assume it's because 99.9% of those people had the same idea as I did back when I was a lusty teenager filled with raging male hormones.
So perhaps a subtle touch is needed.

I met my lovely 'other half' through a forum we both used (the Society of Strange) and we weren't the first couple to have done so. Something else to keep in mind perhaps?

Hard as it may be to believe, there are lady's out there who do appreciate a gentleman with manners who is a little bit different from the run of the mill Johnny Chavs, so you have that in your favour.
Anyway, once again I am rambling so I shall quietly depart. >_>

Me waiting 8 years for a nice relationship doesn't mean I am rushing anything now, does it? I am just tired of being single at the age of 22...

As for meeting over the internet, feel free to tell me how... I don't mind meeting someone that even lives in australia as long as we really click... I am about to finish college and I have no intention of staying in chicago unless "the one" is with me...

I know what you mean with the online profiles... A lot of guys look at goth girls as a fetish and one of my buddies even admitted to it... Doesn't make sense to me since I like to look at one''s personality first...

I just joined the Society of Strange! Never knew about it...

I do know about the girls that appreciate a true gentleman, but I am still having a hard time finding them...

Thnaks! I like your post a lot... got me thinking!!!

rooney · 10-30-2007, 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christina_Death1334

I was about to give up all hope on love and actually (stupidly) end my life on account of this. (If I had, it would have been the stupidest choice I could ever have made!) But then I met the most wonderful person. One who loves ME rather than who they think I am.

My point? Wait it out. Or try that internet option. You'll find her. I promise.

I have gotten to that point but I realized how selfish that thought is so I quickly got away from that thought... All I can say is that I will not take such a drastic step in life/death to get to where I want to be... If it happens, so be it... If not, I'll spend the rest of my life alone and sad touring Europe and looking at great gothic revival architecture...

Nevan · 10-30-2007, 12:16 AM

^ I don't think she was creeped out. When a girl follows you with her eyes it usually means she's interested - especially if you look back at her and then she averts her eyes quickly. Look for that.

http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-a-Girl-Likes-You

It doesn't seem like you're all that shy as you say you are. Next time you manage to strike up a chat with a girl just cut it short at some stage, tell her 'I've got to run but hey, I'd love to continue with this conversation sometime, is there a number I can reach you at?'

Easy peasy.

Or just google 'pick up artist' / 'PUA' / 'player' ... you'll get a lot of tips on those forums on how to approach girls with confidence and get dates.

rooney · 10-30-2007, 12:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graveyard.Crow

I for one am glad there are men out there who want to be gentle to ladies, and prefer morals over BOOBIIIIEESSS.

This made ME feel good about humanity in general.

Are you single? lol, just kidding... good to know that... now to find someone who thinks like you...

rooney · 10-30-2007, 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steppenwolf

Truth .

I have my moral and I'm honest , I read books (some may be "trash" and some may be "deep" or "good") , I don't want every man on earth falling in love with me/shouting "YOU'RE SOOO HOT BABE" , but ... I dress "skanky" sometimes ... So what? I'm still the same , you know , I'm too a old fashioned shy girl with moral , faith and dignity ...

Why shouldn't a woman enjoy her vanity from time to time , if you guys are doing it too?

What is different in me : I don't care about what others may think or say about this image they made for themselves ... I know who am I , I know veeeeery well ...

If you want to find someone out there , you have to find yourself first . Take your time : Is the only thing related to relationships that doesn't hurt .

In the meanwhile keep yourself busy and try finding a girl who shares your interests . And be yourself .

And try to smile at her if you feel on the mood , or give her a flower , don't be afraid ... She doesn't know until you show her .

Lets say you are sitting at a table at a club and the hottest guy there comes up to you and asks you to dance with him, would you do it? Now, what if the strangest looking guy does the same, would you do it?

What I am trying to say is that you can never judge a book by it's cover... which is a plain obvious saying... I dunno, that's all I cna say in response to your post...

rooney · 10-30-2007, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nevan

^ I don't think she was creeped out. When a girl follows you with her eyes it usually means she's interested - especially if you look back at her and then she averts her eyes quickly. Look for that.

http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-a-Girl-Likes-You

It doesn't seem like you're all that shy as you say you are. Next time you manage to strike up a chat with a girl just cut it short at some stage, tell her 'I've got to run but hey, I'd love to continue with this conversation sometime, is there a number I can reach you at?'

Easy peasy.

Or just google 'pick up artist' / 'PUA' / 'player' ... you'll get a lot of tips on those forums on how to approach girls with confidence and get dates.

See, the only reason I ended up talking to that girl at the store was because I kept bumping into her at several points of the store and she did keep doing the quick looks at me where she turned away as soon as i looked her way...

Nevan · 10-30-2007, 12:51 AM

So what's your problem? At least you talked to her!

Girls are not some some strange alien species - christ, were people just like you. The only difference is that we (aside from anatomy) are deeply in touch with our emotions and tend to focus on how we 'feel'.

(Although more mature girls probably like the 'feel good' situation but are better at listening to their heads than their hearts - different thread.)

Most girls are shy and just want a guy to take charge. A clever girl wont throw herself at a guy because she doesn't want to come across as desperate or needy. She'll give very subtle hints that she likes him, but it's still up to him to make the first move.

It's because of men like you that girls like me don't get dates.

rooney · 10-30-2007, 11:42 AM

Now that you mention it... I guess my problem is more along the lines of where I could find girls that I like and I probably am expecting "girls to throw themselves at me" more than what I notice, like, the hints are not obvious enough...

This thread is helping a lot to clear my mind... Thanks to everybody that has contributed!