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Well. Where to begin...
It's full of cliches, like, "heart broken" and "chain of disbelief."
That said, I also believe this could benefit immensely from some original, creative imagery. What you're talking about, the theme that you are exploring, is inherently unoriginal (as they say, nothing is original), and it is only through your unique spin that it becomes interesting to a reader.
Otherwise, it has already been done before. Many poets, at some point, have written angst-y, suicidal poems. The unique ones are those that stay with us.
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