Twisted Logic

Darcnyss · 01-04-2008, 02:22 AM

Ok. I promised myself I would never start a new thread in the Whining section, but this has gone on long enough and I really need to vent.

My current girlfriend and I went to our local goth club for their famous New Year party on New Year's Eve.

From the moment the dance floor opened she started dancing extremely suggestively with some of the other guys on the floor. Normally this wouldn't bother me too much, but this time she even went as far as rubbing herself up against some of them. Now this goes beyond just casual flirting.

Look, I don't see myself as a jealous guy. On the contrary.

This, however, is not the first time this has happened in our 7 months together.
She constantly flirts with other guys when we go out, not giving a single thought to how that makes me feel. Then she tries to reassure me that she's just having fun and I shouldn't worry about them, since I'm the one going home with her at the end of the night and not them.

Previously she has even gone as far as grabbing one of my female friends, french kissing her and feeling her up. Then she says it's not really cheating, since it's not with another guy.

The New Year's Party thing was just the last straw. When she came off the dance floor holding another guy's hand I flipped. I confronted her then and there, and the entire thing turned into a shouting match, with her eventually bursting into tears and the other guy wanting to beat me up.

She then kept begging me not to leave her and that she knew that her little "tests" on our relationship had gone too far. Fool that I am, I gave in and we're still together.

Now I'm just waiting for the next time this happens again...

Beneath the Shadows · 01-04-2008, 02:48 AM

Screw that, it's just going to happen again, and again she'll beg you not to leave her and again she know that he "tests" have gone to far. And again. And again. And again.

If this is how she's going to treat you, then dump her and let her treat someone else like that.

Quote:

Previously she has even gone as far as grabbing one of my female friends, french kissing her and feeling her up. Then she says it's not really cheating, since it's not with another guy.

That's a load of shit. That's like if I went and fucked some guy and justified it to my wife by saying "well, it wasn't another woman."

Nevan · 01-04-2008, 02:59 AM

*right I'm nearly always first to reply to your posts*

Fuck I'm not stalking you or anything

But anyway -

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darcnyss

....I shouldn't worry about them, since I'm the one going home with her at the end of the night and not them.

This line is so cliché it's sad. So is the whole 'testing the relationship' bullshit. If you love someone you just don't do stuff like that. You'd be considerate toward your partner's feelings - and even if your partner is not the jealous type and doesn't mind you 'semi-flirting' with other people it doesn't make it ok...

Nah, I don't know. Giving her a second chance is ok, but it's likely to continue - and worse - behind your back when eventually you'll discover that she's been sleeping with your best friend or something like that. I wouldn't want a person like that around me.

Delkaetre · 01-04-2008, 03:11 AM

Don't let her keep it up.
Explain clearly just how bad her actions make you feel, and give her an ultimatum. She can either stop it, and start dancing with you instead of them, or she can go home with them and stop pretending to be your girlfriend.
And like fuck is it not cheating if it's with a member of your own sex instead of your partner's. Even my ex didn't try to use that excuse when we caught him with another guy.

I do hate girls like that. They've messed up so many of my friends in the past. If she's not willing to be exclusive, she shouldn't be in an exclusive relationship.

Darcnyss · 01-04-2008, 05:06 AM

You're all right. I know that this will happen again. I know people like her don't just change at a whim. I know this because I've got quite a bit of experience with unfaithful or psycho girlfriends. I just seem to know how to pick 'em.

My biggest problem is that I'm far too soft, leaving the door wide open for women to walk right over me.

This entire week after the club incident she's been calling me and leaving me several text messages going on about how sorry she is and saying that she never meant to hurt me. She even wants to take me out tonight for dinner, her treat.

I know this will just be temporary, since it won't take long for her to get back into her old flirting phase.

At the time I met her I had already given up on ever having a meaningful relationship. When she came into my life it really felt that I had a chance, but now it's clear that this is just going the same way as many of my previous relationships.

I'm fed up.

But I'm still too much of a coward to call it quits.

Oh, and Nevan is stalking me, everyone! hehe

Nevan · 01-04-2008, 05:35 AM

^ you'd like me to though hmm? I mean, who wouldn't want a stalker like me?

Kidding.

Seriously though, I've been in that situation and it's the hardest fucking thing to do to break it off with someone you care about so much. But in the end you're definitely better off.

Delkaetre · 01-04-2008, 05:57 AM

Really, seriously.
Don't take the dinner, don't give her another chance.
And wait, please, for at least six months before getting into another relationship. It could be that you need a decent break to sort out your head before you make any progress with girls.

Nevan · 01-04-2008, 06:04 AM

Six months seriously? Jesus - I've been single for nearly five years and only now starting to feel ok about getting into a relationship again!

Darcnyss · 01-04-2008, 06:05 AM

I'm not taking the dinner tonight.

Though, before her I had actually taken more than a year and a half's worth of a break from relationships.

Darcnyss · 01-04-2008, 07:45 AM

The funny thing is, all of my worst relationships actually came from within our own gothic subculture.
When I dated non-goths I never had these problems.

That's just not right, I say!

Delkaetre · 01-04-2008, 09:27 AM

Goths seem to be an all-or-nothing culture when it comes to dating. The couples I know are all either deeply devoted to each other in a Hallmark-greeting-card kind of way, or constantly at loggerheads and on the edge of breaking up. Sometimes both, depending on the weekend.

Bela Blood · 01-04-2008, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nevan

This line is so cliché it's sad. So is the whole 'testing the relationship' bullshit. If you love someone you just don't do stuff like that.

Yer if she loved you she'd trust you and not need to "test" you. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't trust you?

Underwater Ophelia · 01-04-2008, 10:11 AM

The second she said she was just "testing" the relationship, I'd have cracked her and walked out.

That's a FUCKING LIE. She just wants to have her cake and eat it, too.
Leave her ass.

PS--kissing another woman is indeed cheating.

Rotting Corpse · 01-04-2008, 10:15 AM

She doesn't deserve a second chanse(did I spell that right?). I've been through that.I was an idiot,gave my ex a second chanse and got my heart broken.....again.Don't let it get to you though.People likethem are just not worth it.

Stormtrooper of Death · 01-04-2008, 10:29 AM

(chance) Well I say leave her. I don't give people second chances unless I know they really really really mean well. Why do relationships have to be so confusing???!!!!!?????!!!!????

Underwater Ophelia · 01-04-2008, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stormtrooper of Death

(chance) Well I say leave her. I don't give people second chances unless I know they really really really mean well. Why do relationships have to be so confusing???!!!!!?????!!!!????

Because people are complicated.

Stormtrooper of Death · 01-04-2008, 10:40 AM

Yes, this is true I suppose.

lostintranslation · 01-04-2008, 11:01 AM

I'm all for second chances and what-not, but if you actually want to be with her, serious chatting needs to happen. She's being beyond inconsiderate. If you truly want to be with her, you two need to sit and down, and you need to tell her this is it, this is her last shot, she has to stop the flirting, the suggestive dancing, the hand holding, the kissing, and the groping of others. You're her boyfriend, not the rest of the male, and apparently female, population. I'm not going to tell you to break up with her, or stay with her, because that is your decision to make, but keep in mind, she's done this quit a bit without regard to your feelings and things need to change if you two are to ever go anywhere in your relationship. It seems that at this point, she's lost most, if not all, of your trust, and she needs to know that.

While bad relationships may have kept you from believeing you can have a solid, loving, meaningful relationship, that isn't true. You can have a meaningful and lasting relationship if you want one, you just have to find the right person, be open and honest about your feelings, and be firm in your beliefs and values. If you go soft and allow your significant other to fool around, it becomes a habit. If you sit back and wait for them to be considerate, it will not happen. You have to stand up and tell them how you feel, and your beliefs on what a good relationship is, as well as the steps that need to be taken to get there. In addition, you also need to listen to the other persons needs and beliefs, and compromise. Granted, when the other person says that they need to fool around with others, no matter how it makes you feel, that person most likely isn't right for you. Keep in mind, my advice could be completely off, this is all based on my experiences. My apologies if my advice is wrong.

Ultimately, it's your decision what happens with this relationship. Good luck in choosing.

gothicusmaximus · 01-04-2008, 11:52 AM

Next time some guy wants to beat you up because you're pissed that your girlfriend is all over him, kick his ass. If he's a goth, odds are he can't fight anyway, just make sure he doesn't have time to pull a sword on you or cast any spells.

Underwater Ophelia · 01-04-2008, 12:02 PM

Maximus, do you use AIM?

gothicusmaximus · 01-04-2008, 12:52 PM

Yeah. MEGASEALION.

Valerius · 01-04-2008, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lostintranslation

I'm all for second chances and what-not, but if you actually want to be with her, serious chatting needs to happen. She's being beyond inconsiderate. If you truly want to be with her, you two need to sit and down, and you need to tell her this is it, this is her last shot, she has to stop the flirting, the suggestive dancing, the hand holding, the kissing, and the groping of others. You're her boyfriend, not the rest of the male, and apparently female, population. I'm not going to tell you to break up with her, or stay with her, because that is your decision to make, but keep in mind, she's done this quit a bit without regard to your feelings and things need to change if you two are to ever go anywhere in your relationship. It seems that at this point, she's lost most, if not all, of your trust, and she needs to know that.

While bad relationships may have kept you from believeing you can have a solid, loving, meaningful relationship, that isn't true. You can have a meaningful and lasting relationship if you want one, you just have to find the right person, be open and honest about your feelings, and be firm in your beliefs and values. If you go soft and allow your significant other to fool around, it becomes a habit. If you sit back and wait for them to be considerate, it will not happen. You have to stand up and tell them how you feel, and your beliefs on what a good relationship is, as well as the steps that need to be taken to get there. In addition, you also need to listen to the other persons needs and beliefs, and compromise. Granted, when the other person says that they need to fool around with others, no matter how it makes you feel, that person most likely isn't right for you. Keep in mind, my advice could be completely off, this is all based on my experiences. My apologies if my advice is wrong.

Ultimately, it's your decision what happens with this relationship. Good luck in choosing.

QFT

Though, personally, I quite enjoy seeing my girlfriend make-out with other girls.