Let the Flaming Begin!

[knightmare]

Hey guys, I'm wondering if any of you would be so kind to give me any suggestions or positive criticism for the intro to my story. I know you guys are talented writers and I barely write, so please criticize it.

It was another freezing day in the Camden Federal Penitentiary. Secluded from the rest of society, the penitentiary from the outside looked just like the prisons portrayed in the movies. It was grey and indifferent as government institutions usually are, completely devoid of personality and life. The innocent and almost clinical appearance served as a façade of impartiality and justice; of the measure of one’s humanity by their contributions to it. Nothing could be further from the truth. In here it was like another world. All the people here are the same. Degrees and accomplishments mean shit here. Lawyers, doctors, and politicians (even though they are rare here), either become like us or end up as some thug’s new wife. That’s probably my favorite part of living in prison. I am the ruler here. It just took me a while to become it. Kingship doesn’t last forever though. I rather be a thug outside of these walls, then a ruler of nothing. I have ambition. Come to think of it, that is the reason I am here.

A few years ago, a strange incident occurred. Within a period of a week, there were mass arrests of people across the country. However, many of the criminals had no previous criminal record. It seemed that they had it all. The government hired anybody they could to see if it was a disease, plan or something else.

A leader of one of the gangs was called Joel. Everybody listened to him. He spoke with almost a hypnotic quality. He was uncommonly eloquent and intelligent. So when he was arrested, those who knew him were in shock. His professors in college were surprised on how someone as ambitious as him would get arrested. They didn’t know several things about him.

[knightmare]

True. It was an obvious oversight. SS, could you criticize my story now?
In exception to those inside the prison, everybody felt safe and secure. A few years ago, the city was rampant with murder and violence. There were even rumors of victims being bled to death. It was total chaos. However, this ended soon after the mass arrests occurred. In the city center, a lunatic who always spoke of vampires and other mythologies was arrested again. He was suspicious of the sudden end of violence, but the government credited its elite enforcement team as responsible for it. But the public wouldn’t be annoyed anymore. The “prophet” was brutally murdered one night.

Because of the cessation of all violence, the enforcement team usually just arrested the occasional thief and chatted at their station. After the violent death of the lunatic, one officer named Pete became paranoid. He even started having violent weird dreams. He soon planned to meet to a prominent and weird psychologist in the country named Edward. He even looked the part as a hawk-nosed elderly gentleman with thick-rimmed glasses. Officer Pete felt relieved to finally meet Edward.
“A pleasure to meet you Dr. Edward, how are you?”
“Let’s skip the formalities and just get into your problem. I am a busy man.”
“All right, sorry…for the past few weeks I’ve been having this recurrent dream.”
“So?” the psychologist replied, obviously agitated. “I hope you are not one of those naïve religious people.”
Officer Pete replied sheepishly, “Not really. But what are dreams? Do they have any meaning?”
“They are just reflections of memories from your subconscious caused by the qualia of your brain.”
“I don’t understand? Anyways, do you think that these dreams can be significant? Can the subconscious tell you things you might not know?”
“No. Dreams are just different interpretations of your memories. Don’t be so naive.”
“But how about the prophets who foresaw the future, like those in the Bible,” replied Pete.