I hope I am posting this in the right thread...It is an article I just found

DeathChii · 05-19-2007, 11:42 PM

I JUST FOUND THIS
It was in the Newsletter for St. Mary's Catholic Church
I just thought it was the funniest thing ever lmao

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very
dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your
child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

Elf · 05-20-2007, 01:27 AM

Quote:

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

Et tu, Count Dracula cereal? So lovingly chocolaty and delicious! Nooooo.

Quote:

-Complains of boredom.

...

Actually, reading through this, I can probably pick "five or more" symptoms that are vindicative of being an teenager and nothing else.

It reminds me of similar lists I've seen before to equally silly veins of thought. One of my favorites had "owns a fern" as one of the items. We sent a postal letter to the people who published the list, to this day we still have not been told exactly how ferns and witchcraft are related.

These lists are, I guess, the paranoids' equivalent of marshmallows--they seem to have substance but are totally empty calories. A guilty pleasure at best.

And finally, how does one best tell if thy child is a goth? Well...

Quote:

-Claims to be a goth.

That's it! You're grounded.

Kraven de Sade · 05-20-2007, 01:55 AM

There's already two (at least) topics about that here at Gnet. One in the General boards, and one in the Whining boards.

Minyaliel · 05-20-2007, 03:32 AM

I can remember seeing three or four during my time, so, yep, article noted, read a gazillion times and showed to the back of my memory. This originally comes from a site that makes it clear it's a parody.