I try so hard...

[Onetwothree]

Your friends suck, and you suck because of them. You should feel worse.

[delicti]

Just keep in mind that severe depression is a psychological disorder that has its origins in physiological problems with the brain. Helping them is honorable, but if they are truly depressed, then they need help that you cannot provide.

Urge them to seek professional help as courteously as possible, and explain to them how their depression makes you feel. Tell them that if they do not seek help you will have to reconsider your friendship, because you cannot let their problems prevent you from leading a happy, healthy life.

If they do not understand, do not hold it against them. However, consider making good on your promise to cutting things off, since they will only prevent you from achieving what you want, and ultimately hurt you with their problems.

I know it's an awful thing to go through, but you need to be good to you, first.


*Also, keep in mind, if they were to do something to themselves, it is not your fault.

[Vyvian Blackthorne]

Originally Posted by DeathChii

If I was a good friend I would be able to help them =(

G_G Ann, I wish I had better advice. But the foremost thing I can tell you is that you're not useless. You are, in fact, one of the most significant people I have ever had the pleasure of even communicating with . It doesn't make you a bad friend at all not being able to help your other friends. That's their own troubles, and issues. And you do the best that I am sure most people can't even come close to accomplishing.

As Nacht stated, it's not your responsibility to make other people happy. Only theirs'.
Goth Forever
Goth Forever
Goth Forever

[Breathless Horror]

Originally Posted by Onetwothree

Your friends suck, and you suck because of them. You should feel worse.

Fuck you asshole.

Chii, I'm really sorry about your friends. I would agree that you are FAR from worthless or a bad friend. Just the fact that you agonize over them not letting you help suggests that you're not just a good friend...but most likely a great friend.

You've done your best, they need professional help, or to pull thier heads out of thier asses. Neither of which you can do for them.

I really hope everything works out for you. *hugs*

[Vyvian Blackthorne]

Gosh. Breathless, your post is the smartest thing I've heard on this site in months. Really.
Goth Forever
Goth Forever
Goth Forever

[Breathless Horror]

Originally Posted by Vyvian Blackthorne

Gosh. Breathless, your post is the smartest thing I've heard on this site in months. Really.
Goth Forever
Goth Forever
Goth Forever

*blushes* Why thank you vyv, I do my best to help those who need it.

[Graveyard.Crow]

You know what? If they are going to be brats and not understand when someone gives them cold hard help, let them suffer. They will get it, I promise you, and will run crying back to you.
That doesn't always happen, but it's their karma not yours.

[DeathChii]

Thanks everyone =P I don't feel like I can just cut them off though... I mean... isn't that a bit cruel??? T___T anyway... I don't need to complain anymore I was just so hurt because my one friend who I'm always there for, always trying to help, always trying to do everything for basically told me I was worthless... so It really hurt =(

[NachtSorcier]

Like I said, part of being a good friend is being a real cunt when they need it. It might seem cruel, but that's obviously the only way they're going to get it.

[DeathChii]

Do you think my friend hates me... I find it awkward to talk to him now ever since he said I was useless... but he's in my band so it's kind of difficult...

[Kodachi]

Oi. I'm actually in the same exact boat as you, DeathChii. I feel exactly how you do so I'm kinda gaining advice on this too. Since it's sometimes easier to see things from a different perspective, I can clearly say you're a really good friend for the simple fact that you are concerned about the things your friends do. You shouldn't let that wear you down or stress you out so threaten that if they don't straighten up or something, you go bye-bye and make good on it. You honestly tried all that you could for them so it isn't like anyone could say you did nothing or that you were selfish. It's a very selfless act to show such concern for others, especially when it repeatedly not heed upon. It's selfish when your friends need serious help from the get-go and you're all "Meh, not my problem. Who cares?" You're clearly not that.

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

I had the same exact experience. And I tried so hard to be there for my friend and she turned on me.

In the end it's more worth it to leave them to their misery, because you need to be happy too. And if they don't want to thank you and knock their shit off, they're not worth it.

[delicti]

Originally Posted by DeathChii

Thanks everyone =P I don't feel like I can just cut them off though... I mean... isn't that a bit cruel??? T___T anyway... I don't need to complain anymore I was just so hurt because my one friend who I'm always there for, always trying to help, always trying to do everything for basically told me I was worthless... so It really hurt =(

Chii, depression is usually marked by sharp mood swings like that. Don't take it personally, but keep in mind that if he does not want to help himself despite how much it hurts you, he's not being a good friend at all himself. Friendship is a two way street after all, and if you keep giving and giving with nothing in return (expect maybe misery) then it's time to cut them off.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by DeathChii

Thanks everyone =P I don't feel like I can just cut them off though... I mean... isn't that a bit cruel??? T___T anyway... I don't need to complain anymore I was just so hurt because my one friend who I'm always there for, always trying to help, always trying to do everything for basically told me I was worthless... so It really hurt =(

DeathChii...you aren't cutting them off, they're cutting you off. You are not responsible.

It's like this, if you're in a relationship, and you do everything right, and he cheats on you, and you break up with him...you didn't end it, HE did. It's not your fault.


I know what it's like to feel like you're indebted to a friend...my best friend of fucking YEARS just went crazy this year...she got into drugs hardcore, starting sleeping with a dirty guy who lied to her and told her he was sterile so she'd fuck him unprotected, and isn't going to college...she screwed over and turned her back on everyone who ever helped her except me...finally, not even I was immune.
For a while, I still tried to call her, I tried to txt, IM, anything to get in touch with her...it didn't work. So I just gave up and if she calls me or tries to talk to me, I ignore her.
I didn't end the friendship, though, she did, because she was the one acting like a baby. It's the same for you.


Do not let anyone make you feel bad for not being able to pick them up.

[biohazard]

Death Chii, after reading those stories I cannot understand how you still try to help them. I kbnow you are trying to be a good friend, but maybe they just want to pretend they are depressed in order to get attention. I know that might sound silly, but it is very posible. The best thing you could do is talk to their other friends and family, to see if they are serious or not. Friendship has to be two-sided, where both help each other out. Probably, the person who called you worthless was not being serious, there are times when people say things they did not mean to say. But if he was serious, then maybe it is time to cut him off. I hope your friends stop doing this to you.

I went into a depression myself some years ago, and I had no friends at the time to help. I had to help myself, and then my family helped me to get out of it. Sometimes friends are not the only ones you can seek for help, other times family members can really make a diffrence.

[DeathChii]

thanks guys... he still thinks I am useless =(
Actually he makes me feel even worse than that...
T___T gawd I don't like myself at all ... ><

[NachtSorcier]

Originally Posted by DeathChii

thanks guys... he still thinks I am useless =(
Actually he makes me feel even worse than that...
T___T gawd I don't like myself at all ... ><

Um, no offense, but I think some counselling would do you some good too. Self-hatred is never healthy.

[Cyntrox]

Originally Posted by DeathChii

thanks guys... he still thinks I am useless =(

You're not useless! I think myself to know you good enough to state that as a fact.

Originally Posted by DeathChii

T___T gawd I don't like myself at all ... ><

Well, I do!

[Lapin]

I think I can relate to you the best right now. I very recently cut someone out of my life that I'd been friends with for years. The last time I talked to them it was to get my things and the money they owed me.

This friend has put me through hell, constantly doing stupid, stupid things (and men), even though she knows she shouldn't. She never tried to get out of the hole she'd dug herself into, instead she dug deeper, on purpose, and then constantly complained about all her problems.

Her self-inflicted problems.

I have been left with no choice and have now had to completely abandon her to her own mistakes, because she was dragging me back down into depression with her constant mood swings.

This friend of yours sounds very similar.

Recently, a psychology study has shown that someone who is the designated "person to rant to" often becomes depressed themselves. So not only is he sick, he's making you sick.

You need to cut the strings. You can be cordial, but you do not need to be friends with this person anymore. Not if all he wants to do is use you as a punching bag.

You'll be a lot happier in the end.

[Anguelon]

Originally Posted by Lapin

I think I can relate to you the best right now. I very recently cut someone out of my life that I'd been friends with for years. The last time I talked to them it was to get my things and the money they owed me.

This friend has put me through hell, constantly doing stupid, stupid things (and men), even though she knows she shouldn't. She never tried to get out of the hole she'd dug herself into, instead she dug deeper, on purpose, and then constantly complained about all her problems.

Her self-inflicted problems.

I have been left with no choice and have now had to completely abandon her to her own mistakes, because she was dragging me back down into depression with her constant mood swings.

This friend of yours sounds very similar.

Recently, a psychology study has shown that someone who is the designated "person to rant to" often becomes depressed themselves. So not only is he sick, he's making you sick.

You need to cut the strings. You can be cordial, but you do not need to be friends with this person anymore. Not if all he wants to do is use you as a punching bag.

You'll be a lot happier in the end.

I pretty much agree with you. I broke it off with a friend of mine one week before my wedding because she always puts her worries and problems before mine. So, imagine her doing that a week before I get married. To top that, she was very critical of every single aspect of my life. She depressed the shit out of me to a point where I once hated men.

[Lapin]

Originally Posted by Anguelon

I pretty much agree with you. I broke it off with a friend of mine one week before my wedding because she always puts her worries and problems before mine. So, imagine her doing that a week before I get married. To top that, she was very critical of every single aspect of my life. She depressed the shit out of me to a point where I once hated men.

She was ranting before your wedding?! That's a pretty bitchy thing to do.

[Anguelon]

Originally Posted by Lapin

She was ranting before your wedding?! That's a pretty bitchy thing to do.

Yeah, and she didn't like my dress for some reason. She was always very critical of me. I seriously broke it off with her by just simply not inviting her. I was sick of being her shoulder to cry on, her ATM, her laundromat and so on. I felt bad at first and guilty for I knew she was in a bad emotional and financial situation. But, I could only tolerate so much that eventually I had to cut her off.

[DeathChii]

Yeah... he's always upset which makes me upset but on top of that he is very critical towards me and points out all my negatives...


and I do see councling lol it just sucks because I was improving majorly until I met him. Since then I've been falling back in to a downward spiral back in to self hatred =( so its like "ugh xD"

[Apathy's_Child]

I always read your name as DeathChilli, and only just noticed that it's not.

Go figure........

[DeathChii]

lmao XD that was so random!