Ok so I got up this morning feeling ...well...like sh!t and I whrote something.I didn't have the time to fix it so this is the original thing & I would love to hear your opinions about it.Here it goes...
Yes I walk and laugh out loud
but this is all mechanical
My heart and soul are drained
Pain and hate fill them all
I try to scream,but have no voice
All my tears can't ease my burden
but can't anyone see
that my heart is broken?
If death had a lullaby
I wish he'd wisper it to me
I would fade back to oblivion
Sleep the eternal sleep
But he won't come before my time
and so I linger on
Yet anothe broken soul
trying to pic up the pieces
A nd all the Kings soldiers, and all the Kings men
can't put my hert together again
I know it doesn't rhime, but I couldn't use different words...
too much self pity
you have to shout , not to whisper ...
keep writing
I really like the way you put this. With poems regarding these sorts of feelings, subtlety is key, lest you come off sounding like...an ironically comical emo kid.
