A rant

[Smile]

My father does not know that the reason I mope about the house and am seriously depressed (I'm not exaggerating, I'm on the verge of tears at least twice a day, I've been crying myself to sleep for the last 3.5 months and I can't seem to set my mind on positive) is because the person who completes me is across the freakin Pacific Ocean. Of course, I couldn't tell him this otherwise I'd be beaten or kicked out of the house. He thinks he's omnipotent and keeps believing that the reason I'm this way is because I miss my school buddies and my home back in LA. That's true, I miss my hometown, but that's not what's causing this. So he's trying, he tries to give me pep talks on how to be more positive but when he doesn't start seeing results in a few hours, his talks turn to complaints and insults. That's just hypocritical, seeing as how he's the one that says becoming more positive is not an overnight change. What's even more hypocritical is that he complains about me not doing anything or planning to do anything in the future when he sits around the house all day reading and hasn't had a real job in as long as I can remember. I do chores, I study for my public exams, I learn to play the guitar, I read, I do stuff and he fails to see that. I told him a few days ago that I planned to get a job as soon as my exams are over and immediately tells me that he expects me to start paying rent if I'm gonna work. I don't mind paying bills, but what about a little encouragement too? Especially if you're the one who keeps telling me I need to take "initiative".
There's no real person I can turn to to discuss all of this with. I have no friends here in this country (I have school friends, but they would not understand--trust me, I've tried explaining even petty things and they still are not of help). My mother replies stoically to my tearful speeches about how I think my father is a hypocrite and how I don't need what he holds over my head. My fiancee, though always there for me through cyberspace or text, has his own life in America. I cannot keep bringing him my pain or frustration when he has enough of it already. He's currently trying to find a job and passport so he can visit me, but it's been unsuccessful so far.
What do I do? How can TRULY become a more positive person when I see nothing but hypocrisy and dead ends? I know my future holds a lot, and it's the one place I look to for consolation. But it's far away, and I wonder, what do I do with what fate has given me now? F*ed up stuff has happened to me which I don't want to explain in detail, but how do I let my past go to embrace the future that I look towards?
If you've read this far, thank you.

[PhenomenalTranquility]

There are so many questions I want to ask you.

Are you trying to become a more positive person for your health or your modd swings? ... What do you want to do, do you want to do anything? And go to your lover. Fuck everything. Go to your lover..

[Smile]

Thanks, Tranquility, that's probably the best advice I've heard on this subject.Thing is, there is no possible way I could go to him unless I do something insane like prostitute myself to get money and catch the next plane back to LA. You know, if you still want to ask me those questions, you could always e-mail me at zombiedogreaper@**********

[PhenomenalTranquility]

(tell me what domain your using! ^^)

Okay, so how old are you, and him? He could use his own money to pay for you(If he's old enough to work) AND if he's old enough to get himself a job why the hell is it unsucessful?

Another question, do you just want to go see him, or are you ready to leave everything behind and start your life with him? perhaps going to see him for a week will do you good.

My advice may be too carelss and carefree.. telling you that you should put love in your priority in your current condition... but from my personal experience that's what helped me, and still will.

[Smile]

Oh sorry, I'm using g.m.a.i.l. (dot com).

I'm 17 going on 18 and he's a year older. We've already planned to get married as soon as I hit the big one eight and he's able to get out here (I'm in China btw).

Is it too much too ask what your personal experiences were? A lot of people say that you can't put love as your top priority, so how did doing the exact opposite of what they say help you?

[PhenomenalTranquility]

Ah well, I'll tell you, though it's no example for anyone. I've packed my bags and ran away to another continent where my lover lives. It was the most helpful and healthy thing I ever did to myself.

China, our countries mantain a good realtionship. Last time I heared our rapist prime minister, he said that we should be more like the chinese people since Israeli's are filthy scums. ^o^v

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by PhenomenalTranquility

............. Israeli's are filthy scums. ^o^v

He has my vote.

[PhenomenalTranquility]

I'm a chick, and an Israelli one. What's your introduction with us?

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by PhenomenalTranquility

I'm a chick

I got that, I was talking about the dude who said it.

Originally Posted by PhenomenalTranquility

and an Israelli one. What's your introduction with us?

Despite the apparent hatred for an entire people that my above statement seems to radiate in retrospect, it's mainly an issue of state and human rights - I'm in Palestine's corner on that one.

[PhenomenalTranquility]

Oh, alright. and btw, there is no "above dude" who said that, only me, lol.

[Manwhore001]

Smile... babe... Why do you keep implying that i have too much on my plate to help you out. I know that i've been busy with the shit that doesn't really matter, i know i've fucked up beyond repair... but im always there for you. My phone is always on, and i NEVER turn you down. I wish you'd have told me about this... i know you cry yourself to sleep because i do the same fuckin thing. It sucks i know, but at least we share that pain. PhenomenalTranquility, i plan on doing what you recommended, leaving behind everything here in the states and going out to her. I dont care what my family or, those who would call themselves my friends think, she's the only one i care about. Trouble is, i've fucked up a few times, and now i fear i've lost her. I still look for a job, but its hard in CA, cause all the illegal immigrants have taken everything. I believe i've found a job at Johnny Rockets though.... nothing glamorous, but im not picky about work, so long as it pays.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by Manwhore001

Smile... babe... Why do you keep implying that i have too much on my plate to help you out. I know that i've been busy with the shit that doesn't really matter, i know i've fucked up beyond repair... but im always there for you. My phone is always on, and i NEVER turn you down. I wish you'd have told me about this... i know you cry yourself to sleep because i do the same fuckin thing. It sucks i know, but at least we share that pain. PhenomenalTranquility, i plan on doing what you recommended, leaving behind everything here in the states and going out to her. I dont care what my family or, those who would call themselves my friends think, she's the only one i care about. Trouble is, i've fucked up a few times, and now i fear i've lost her. I still look for a job, but its hard in CA, cause all the illegal immigrants have taken everything. I believe i've found a job at Johnny Rockets though.... nothing glamorous, but im not picky about work, so long as it pays.

Don't blame innocent people looking for a job, blame employers who hire them illegally.

[Lolly PopMuzik]

Originally Posted by Manwhore001

Embarrassingly racist, xenophobic and barely literate nonsense that Ophelia quoted and tore into

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v3...palmuber-1.jpg

[Underwater Ophelia]

Double whammy.

[KontanKarite]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=qzjbV-yTomY

multi-kill