I have always believed my revolution was fueled by Love.

[BLEED REBELION!!!]

This is a monologue or essay or w/e the fuck you wanna call it. I just wrote it. Im exhausted.... Flame Away.


I have always believed that my revolution was fueled by love. Love for my people, love for all people. Love of freedom, of beauty, of mother earth for my love of LOVE. Love of the many Pigs, Cows, Chickens and others being slaughtered. Slaughtered after living a tortured life in a factory farm. How many humans are used up and exploited in the name of the “developed world”? Evil done for stupid fucking things: cars, Money, fancy purses, creature comforts. Now “we” the American populace tout many big words and concepts about egalitarian society. We say we believe in so many things.
BUT we have no integrity!!! “We” (I use quotations because there are many factional battles between us) talk big but in the end we submit. We give in to the THEM. To the fuckers who run the world. We pretend we don’t see. That we don’t know where all our consumer goods come from. We content ourselves with a proclaimed ignorance. We wake up everyday and go to work or school. Places most of us HATE, for they are nothing but tedious and soul killing. We know we feel deep down in our souls the horrible wrong-ness of it all yet we cant bring ourselves to act. We don’t fight for what we believe in we bottle up our rage and take it to the grave with us.
My mother was just like me, she believed most of what I currently do. She was radical and revolutionary. My mother had me, and my father ended up in prison soon after. Faced with poverty and soon another child she was forced to work non stop. She still believes what she always has, but now it is no more than a belief a theory. It is not a map or action plan. She has no time to fight for what she believes in, because there are mouths to feed and bills to pay. Trapped servicing a system she never wanted to be a part of. I seem to be head to the same place.
I’m not sure if my mothers sight was good or bad. Many of my people never know what she did/does. They never have a chance to learn many of the things she did. They, trapped in ignorance and slavery. It has been said that “the only thing worse than being a slave is being a slave and not knowing it”. I wonder is that true? Do we want to know the truth if we will never change the world? My mothers beliefs are tamer than they once were, she’s become domesticated with age. Yet her love of all people, and urge to do good in the world is still there. She has large hopes for me. She is convinced that I am “special” that I am going to change the world for the better.
Under this great hope of hers, I hate myself. I have always had the same hope. I was born a “rebel without a cause” its just part of my nature. I’ve learned that those with power almost always hurt those who lack it. I hate power I hate injustice I am angry at the world so very much. I am 16. I have studied and thought about my rebellion and my beliefs for a couple of years now. I should be starting something effective and meaningful. I should finally put to use all those “direct action NOW” zines and handbooks that I have read. Instead I find myself almost giving up.
I am thinking about college and careers, I am spending all my time studying so as to perfectly learn shit that doesn’t matter so I can have a perfect GPA and thus get scholarships to college. I am “planning my future” half heartedly. In this future I am planning, I see no where my rebellion or revolution. I see no real substantial change. I am scared. Often I become lugubrious. I see myself relenting. I feel like I don’t have a choice.



Now back to the begging.
I have always believed that my revolution was fueled by love.
For the first time in my life I AM IN LOVE. This love is amazing and it is beautiful. But it is domesticating me. I find that I would be satisfied to do nothing more than be his wife. I would be satisfied to have nothing but his love and do nothing but love him. I am angry with myself for this. How can I give up what I believe in so strongly for a man!? Sure I know my mom loves me. Although I only recently started believing that. I always felt hated and neglected most of my life. I have always been so very angry. And then this man comes into my life and HE LOVES ME. He tells me as much everyday. He thinks I am beautiful, he thinks I have worth. And this sends me to the moon. I am filled with joy, because I have something I always wanted LOVE.
How can I? how dare I be so selfish as to turn my back on the world, even if it is for love?
The above sentence is me romanticizing my weakness. It is fear, I think that holds me back. I know not what my fear is of. Even If I had never met him I probably would of given up. Only difference is now I actually have something to lose. Isn’t it sickly ironic? “Love fuels my revolution” yet love is now giving me an excuse to punk out. How can I maintain a relationship If I were to peruse my “revolution”. He doesn’t believe like or what I believe. He doesn’t want to fight this. I was always so committed
To the fight (at least I thought I was) because I didn’t have anyone, I didn’t think I would ever have anything/anyone. I would of loved to be a fucking martyr. Go ahead reader, mock me.
I am approaching a cross road, I am nearly 18. I will be solely responsible for how I live my life. I have often sneered ay my peers. Angry that they were ignorant and didn’t care to change. Now I realize I am worse than them. I “know” and still I will do nothing. I have no integrity or more like it is dissipating. I wont be directly responsible for the horrible things that happen in the world, yet I will still be guilty. Inaction is nearly as bad as negative action. I may not pull the trigger, but I fail to prevent the shooter, hell I don’t even fucking try.
It is hate and bitter sorrow I feel. I have no one else to blame really. I am giving in, and I hate myself for it.

[BLEED REBELION!!!]

Now that I think about it, this should probably be in the Lit section.

But ohh well.

[Elysiume]

Falling in love is the ultimate act of revolution, of resistance to today's tedious, socially restrictive, culturally constrictive, humanly meaningless world.
Love transforms the world. Where the lover formerly felt boredom, he now feels passion. Where she once was complacent, she now is excited and compelled to self-asserting action. The world which once seemed empty and tiresome becomes filled with meaning, filled with risks and rewards, with majesty and danger. Life for the lover is a gift, an adventure with the highest possible stakes; every moment is memorable, heartbreaking in its fleeting beauty. When he falls in love, a man who once felt disoriented, alienated, and confused will know exactly what he wants. Suddenly his existence will make sense to him; suddenly it becomes valuable, even glorious and noble, to him. Burning passion is an antidote that will cure the worst cases of despair and resigned obedience.

Love makes it possible for individuals to connect to others in a meaningful way—it impels them to leave their shells and risk being honest and spontaneous together, to come to know each other in profound ways. Thus love makes it possible for them to care about each other genuinely, rather than at the end of the gun of Christian doctrine. But at the same time, it plucks the lover out of the routines of everyday life and separates her from other human beings. She will feel a million miles away from the herd of humanity, living as she is in a world entirely different from theirs.

In this sense love is subversive, because it poses a threat to the established order of our modern lives. The boring rituals of workday productivity and socialized etiquette will no longer mean anything to a man who has fallen in love, for there are more important forces guiding him than mere inertia and deference to tradition. Marketing strategies that depend upon apathy or insecurity to sell the products that keep the economy running as it does will have no effect upon him. Entertainment designed for passive consumption, which depends upon exhaustion or cynicism in the viewer, will not interest him.

There is no place for the passionate, romantic lover in today's world, business or private. For he can see that it might be more worthwhile to hitchhike to Alaska (or to sit in the park and watch the clouds sail by) with his sweetheart than to study for his calculus exam or sell real estate, and if he decides that it is, he will have the courage to do it rather than be tormented by unsatisfied longing. He knows that breaking into a cemetery and making love under the stars will make for a much more memorable night than watching television ever could. So love poses a threat to our consumer-driven economy, which depends upon consumption of (largely useless) products and the labor that this consumption necessitates to perpetuate itself.

Similarly, love poses a threat to our political system, for it is difficult to convince a man who has a lot to live for in his personal relationships to be willing to fight and die for an abstraction such as the state; for that matter, it may be difficult to convince him to even pay taxes. It poses a threat to cultures of all kinds, for when human beings are given wisdom and valor by true love they will not be held back by traditions or customs which are irrelevant to the feelings that guide them.

Love even poses a threat to our society itself. Passionate love is ignored and feared by the bourgeoisie, for it poses a great danger to the stability and pretense they covet. Love permits no lies, no falsehoods, not even any polite half-truths, but lays all emotions bare and reveals secrets which domesticated men and women cannot bear. You cannot lie with your emotional and sexual response; situations or ideas will excite or repel you whether you like it or not, whether it is polite or not, whether it is advisable or not. One cannot be a lover and a (dreadfully) responsible, (dreadfully) respectable member of today's society at the same time; for love will impel you to do things which are not "responsible" or "respectable." True love is irresponsible, irrepressible, rebellious, scornful of cowardice, dangerous to the lover and everyone around her, for it serves one master alone: the passion that makes the human heart beat faster. It disdains anything else, be it self-preservation, obedience, or shame. Love urges men and women to heroism, and to antiheroism—to indefensible acts that need no defense for the one who loves.

For the lover speaks a different moral and emotional language than the typical bourgeois man does. The average bourgeois man has no overwhelming, smoldering desires. Sadly, all he knows is the silent despair that comes of spending his life pursuing goals set for him by his family, his educators, his employers, his nation, and his culture, without ever being able to even consider what needs and wants he might have of his own. Without the burning fire of desire to guide him, he has no criteria upon which to choose what is right and wrong for himself. Consequently he is forced to adopt some dogma or doctrine to direct him through his life. There are a wide variety of moralities to choose from in the marketplace of ideas, but which morality a man buys into is immaterial so long as he chooses one because he is at a loss otherwise as to what he should do with himself and his life. How many men and women, having never realized that they had the option to choose their own destinies, wander through life in a dull haze thinking and acting in accordance with the laws that have been taught to them, merely because they no longer have any other idea of what to do? But the lover needs no prefabricated principles to direct her; her desires identify what is right and wrong for her, for her heart guides her through life. She sees beauty and meaning in the world, because her desires paint the world in these colors. She has no need for dogmas, for moral systems, for commandments and imperatives, for she knows what to do without instructions.

Thus she does indeed pose quite a threat to our society. What if everyone decided right and wrong for themselves, without any regard for conventional morality? What if everyone did whatever they wanted to, with the courage to face any consequences? What if everyone feared loveless, lifeless monotony more than they fear taking risks, more than they fear being hungry or cold or in danger? What if everyone set down their "responsibilities" and "common sense," and dared to pursue their wildest dreams, to set the stakes high and live each day as if it were the last? Think what a place the world would be! Certainly it would be different than it is now—and it is quite a truism that people from the "mainstream," the simultaneous keepers and victims of the status quo, fear change.

And so, despite the stereotyped images used in the media to sell toothpaste and honeymoon suites, genuine passionate love is discouraged in our culture. Being "carried away by your emotions" is frowned upon; instead we are raised to always be on our guard lest our hearts lead us astray. Rather than being encouraged to have the courage to face the consequences of risks taken in pursuit of our hearts' desires, we are counseled not to take risks at all, to be "responsible." And love itself is regulated. Men must not fall in love with other men, nor women with other women, nor individuals from different ethnic backgrounds with each other, or else the usual bigots who form the front-line offensive in the assault of modern Western culture upon the individual will step in. Men and women who have already entered into a legal/religious contract with each other are not to fall in love with anyone else, even if they no longer feel any passion for their marital partner. Love as most of us know it today is a carefully prescribed and preordained ritual, something that happens on Friday nights in expensive movie theaters and restaurants, something that fills the pockets of the shareholders in the entertainment industries without preventing workers from showing up to the office on time and ready to reroute phone calls all day long. This regulated, commercial "love" is nothing like the passionate, burning love that consumes the genuine lover. These restrictions, expectations, and regulations smother true love; for love is a wild flower that can never grow within the confines prepared for it but only appears where it is least expected.

[Elysiume]

We must fight against these cultural restraints that would cripple and smother our desires. For it is love that gives meaning to life, desire that makes it possible for us to make sense of our existence and find purpose in our lives. Without these, there is no way for us to determine how to live our lives, except to submit to some authority, to some god, master or doctrine that will tell us what to do and how to do it without ever giving us the satisfaction that self-determination does. So fall in love today, with men, with women, with music, with ambition, with yourself. . . with life!

One might say that it is ridiculous to implore others to fall in love—one either falls in love or one does not, it is not a choice that can be made consciously. Emotions do not follow the instructions of the rational mind. But the environment in which we must live out our lives has a great influence on our emotions, and we can make rational decisions that will affect this environment. It should be possible to work to change an environment that is hostile to love into an environment that will encourage it. Our task must be to engineer our world so that it is a world in which people can and do fall in love, and thus to reconstitute human beings so that we will be ready for the "revolution" spoken of in these pages—so that we will be able to find meaning and happiness in our lives.

What if everyone decided right and wrong for themselves, without any regard for conventional morality? What if everyone did whatever they wanted to, with the courage to face any consequences? What if everyone feared loveless, lifeless monotony more than they fear taking risks, more than they fear being hungry or cold or in danger? What if everyone set down their "responsibilities" and "common sense," and dared to pursue their wildest dreams, to set the stakes high and live each day as if it were the last? Think what a place the world would be!

[BLEED REBELION!!!]

Thats from crimethinc right. Days of war nights of love?
Me being in love while it is "revolutionary" in ways does not effect the things I was hoping for.
I actually agreed with the the quote you posted. Thats why I find it Ironic. In my situation it doesnt really aplly. Love improves my personal world, it fails to change that of everyone else. With my love I participate even more than previously in the perppetuation of the status quo. I think I will end up just buying a house and selfishly attempting a happy family. That while it is a self revolution I suppose is not it.

[Godslayer Jillian]

Holy shit! My heart pumped when I recognized the CrimethInc. script.

[BLEED REBELION!!!]

Yeah. It really is memorable. I new spotted it after the first line.

[Mezon]

A certain amount of rebellion is alright, but people in general have the tendency to conform to everyone else. Without a government to stabilize the mass-panic that may result from the anarchy, civilization will crumble. Panic and desperation will wipe out the population.

I am not familiar with CrimethInc, but I do agree with the love thing...although I would still like to get married. =D

[BLEED REBELION!!!]

........ I am soooo not looking for a debate about Anarchy right now.

[Mezon]

And you don't have to enter one....

<rewind>

EDIT: Nevermind, the edit button dissapeared in my other post. I appologize for bringing the topic up.

[Elysiume]

Yeah CrimethInc. are great.
The Join the Revolution: Fall in Love thing is my favourite though.
Sometimes their whole "walking the line between contradictions" thing irritates me. They just end up sounding like politicians, always bullshitting and never giving a straight answer.

[Steppenwolf]

Im guilty too for the things that are happening in this world , everyone is , but ... The worst kind of guilt is completly giving up in what do you believe only because someone else is buying your soul with love .
If your beliefs are so strong , you will never let him or anyone else rule your life . And I guess you know already he´ll never change , no one does , it only gets worst .
Take a look around all the couples and see that its simply not worth it , giving up all for "love" ...
What matters at the end is YOU , for you are born alone and you´ll die alone , and only that person on the mirror will be able to give you all that you need at the end.
(well ... ignore me ... I have no idea , Im just a natural born egoist)