The Beast of Lansing: Facts on the monster compiled through research.

Eclipsing the Son · 12-01-2008, 01:30 PM

-It is known to scratch one's face and attack the genitals when spoken to by it's true name.

-It enjoys wallowing in it's own urine and the urine of others to give it's skin it's repulsive yellow hue.

-It's hunger is unfathomable.

-It bears an unquestionable resemblance to Meg Griffin

-It has an insatiable need to collect ill-fitted mail order dresses.

-It has internet access and when not bathing in urine and feasting on the genitals of it's neighbors can be spotted at the gothic.net message board.

What other strange attributes have you compiled?

Sir. Helpmann · 12-01-2008, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unimatrix 00

Its not that easy HumanePain, words DO hurt. They hurt bad. Thats why bullying exists. I try to ignore it, but its so hard. I'm actually crying here. Please help me.

HA HA HA - SOMEONE MADE HER CRY!

Alarica · 12-01-2008, 01:38 PM

It's also seriously deluded and thinks it is actually incredibly good looking. Conclusion it has a fear of reflective surfaces.

Sir. Helpmann · 12-01-2008, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alarica

It's also seriously deluded and thinks it is actually incredibly good looking. Conclusion it has a fear of reflective surfaces.

I know, take a look at the very words of the Beast:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unimatrix 00

Fuck off Godslayer Jillian. I am hot, and don't try and make me think otherwise because I am ver secure in how i look and I know i'm good looking. Anyway theres no time for jokes. I NEED your support.

Note how she was so insecure in this post about telling a blatent lie that the Beast couldn't even type the word very, but instead typed ver.

"I am ver secure in how i look and I know i'm good looking"

When it comes down to it, it's much harder for people to type out lies than people think... especially when photographic evidence exists that contradicts the tall tale.

Eclipsing the Son · 12-01-2008, 01:52 PM

-Some say that The Beast of Lansing was once a human female. Though this is usually shrugged off as legend, most likely created to frighten small children. It is simply too ridiculous to consider such a hideous change to be factual.

gothicusmaximus · 12-01-2008, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir. Helpmann

I know, take a look at the very words of the Beast:

Note how she was so insecure in this post about telling a blatent lie that the Beast couldn't even type the word very, but instead typed ver.

"I am ver secure in how i look and I know i'm good looking"

When it comes down to it, it's much harder for people to type out lies than people think... especially when photographic evidence exists that contradicts the tall tale.

Interesting hypothesis Helpmann. Consider also that ver secure, when slurred, is only so far off from 'vesicated'. Perhaps the truth of Unimatrix's horrendous psoriasis, brought on by consistent exposure to infected urine, is bubbling-- excuse the pun-- to the surface here.

SKULHEDFACE · 12-01-2008, 02:00 PM

While on a hunting expedition I was unlucky enough to cross paths with the beast. Do not be fooled by it's soft words, or want for attention. I have found that this is all a ploy to draw you in..bring you closer to it. I lost some of my best men to this hideous fiend, most of which vanished in the night whilst taking a piss on some shrubbery. Little did we know this was the beast's lair, oh how it frolicked in the urine soaked underbrush.. I thought I may try to approach it whilst it's guard was down. I was wrong. In the blink of an eye this..this thing went from being a kindhearted creature to a vile monster. I barely escaped with my life.

Alarica · 12-01-2008, 02:00 PM

The beast of lansing makes the images of big foot and the abominable snowman look like supermodels. one can only hope that there isnt a male of this ghastly species. The thought of this breeding is disturbing. In fact, nobody would want to even so much as r.ape it

Sir. Helpmann · 12-01-2008, 02:11 PM

"...and that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or urinated on the beast, or the scent of her name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding smell the odour of the beast: for it is the odour from a man; and her odour is stale urine."

Bat Attack · 12-01-2008, 02:17 PM

It's an arse-licker.

Alarica · 12-01-2008, 02:20 PM

so its a hideous pissing rimmer?

Unimatrix 00 · 12-01-2008, 02:24 PM

Okay just seriouslyy fuck off. This is not on.

My laydees, please tell them this isn't on.

Bat Attack · 12-01-2008, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unimatrix 00

Okay just seriouslyy fuck off. This is not on.

My laydees, please tell them this isn't on.

You bring it upon yourself...

Alarica · 12-01-2008, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unimatrix 00

Okay just seriouslyy fuck off. This is not on.

My laydees, please tell them this isn't on.

Retard. Learn to spell. You might learn that in school if you werent so repulsive that you were such an easy target for abuse.

Do you ring or text your boyfriend, or do you just open the door and howl?

Albert Mond · 12-01-2008, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alarica

Retard. Learn to spell. You might learn that in school if you werent so repulsive that you were such an easy target for abuse.

*Weren't
africanamericantext

Alarica · 12-01-2008, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Albert Mond

*Weren't
africanamericantext

Thank you for pointing that out. Got side tracked with a vomiting 3yr old.......very lax of me

Eclipsing the Son · 12-01-2008, 03:11 PM

-The Beast of Lansing has been sighted many times speaking into thin air, as if to imaginary accomplices, to what it refers to as "my laydees". It is predicted that it's lonely existence has led it to go a bit mad. Though who can truly fathom the insane and twisted logic of such a creature is up to anyone's imagination.

Unimatrix 00 · 12-01-2008, 03:18 PM

Awww you poor baby Alarica, so insecure.

Have a huggle, you so sorely need it

*Squeezy hugglz to wash away all your insecurities*

jack_the_knife · 12-01-2008, 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unimatrix 00

Awww you poor baby Alarica, so insecure.

Have a huggle, you so sorely need it

*Squeezy hugglz to wash away all your insecurities*

Are you just trying to annoy people with this kind of crud? Or is there a higher purpose to these scribblings?

Unimatrix 00 · 12-01-2008, 03:24 PM

Ugh tuk cuh kah uuuug

*huggles you jack_the_knife*

Alarica · 12-01-2008, 03:26 PM

-BEWARE of the Beast and do not approach it. This repulsive creature is ugly both inside and out. It has less understanding of language than your run of the mill zombie. She lacks the verbal capacity to make legible responses, but can communicate, albeit ineffectively, through a series of grunts. She is very highly strung and prone to violent outbursts, often directing these at the genitals. It is therefore safe to assume sexual depravity has made a firm grip on her being.

Eclipsing the Son · 12-01-2008, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unimatrix 00

Ugh tuk cuh kah uuuug

*huggles you jack_the_knife*

Is the Beast of Lansing aware that it's affections are the last thing any sane man would seek? Who can tell? What is seen as a disgusting attack could be everything it appears to be. Maybe it is well aware of it's vileness and intends to disgust. Maybe not. The Beast is truly a mystery.

Unimatrix 00 · 12-01-2008, 03:29 PM

Uch tok tak gluk fuck hak

*steals your binoculars, pisses on you and huggles*

Alarica · 12-01-2008, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unimatrix 00

Awww you poor baby Alarica, so insecure.

Have a huggle, you so sorely need it

*Squeezy hugglz to wash away all your insecurities*

?? are you on drugs? You are on the wrong thread.

Eclipsing the Son · 12-01-2008, 03:53 PM

You give the creature too much credit considering that it's behavior may be the side effect of drugs. These are simply the ways to The Beast. There is no human way of reasoning with it.