Re-Introduction

[Despanan]

It's that special time in every Despanan's life, where he goes through changes. Due to some of the more recent utter twattery on these boards, I have been forced to re-examine my life and resort to slightly unorthodox methods to deal with it. Thus, a re-introduction may be in order. I figured I already answered Gnets little quiz so I'm going to wing-it.

Ahem.

Gothic.net! You see before you a man on fire!

A Man who craves any excuse to burn brighter!

Any Excuse!

I feel no pain, though I relish your feeble attempts to inflict it!

How long do you think your feeble egos can stand up to my Psycho-Kenetic Internet Flames?

Don't you understand yet? I Burn with thought! Accelerated thought! Generated by my fantastically heightened mental senses!

The more you fight me, the higher I get and the stronger I become!

But to my regret--

IhaveAJobtoDoPlacesToGoPeopleToSee.

I will Not Give UP!

I will not give up the Ultimate Exhilaration, the Divine Rapture, the Euphoria that surges through every molecule of my body!

I would sooner choke on the soil from your boots Gothic.net!

I am Snowfl-err Despanan, Every cell in my body burns with white-hot ecstasy!

Cocaine is my God, And I am The Human Instrument of it's Will!

[Godslayer Jillian]

Seriously, you are increasingly defining yourself by being every time more cartoonish and annoying solely due to Sternn's opinions.
How is that not the biggest form of twattery?

[Still Jack]

Originally Posted by Godslayer Jillian

twattery

Cudos for the skilled use of the word twattery.

[HumanePain]

I must admit Despanan's posting on cocaine is more entertaining than me posting on pain killers. Except for that time I posted how to seduce a date by seductively eating fettuccine Alfredo.

[Apathy's_Child]

I take cocaine, I am living the life!

Guys, just admit it - sometimes Helpmann had it right.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

Guys, just admit it - sometimes Helpmann had it right.

Although, at other times, he wasn't. Occasionally he'd make a humorless, boring post just like this one, and Despanan would declare war on him for it.

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

Although, at other times, he wasn't. Occasionally he'd make a humorless, boring post just like this one, and Despanan would declare war on him for it.

Well, Despanan HAS had sex with a woman, something only a few hundred million people do every day. And his post is clearly better than similar ones made by H because he wrote it in his SPARE TIME.

[Despanan]

Obviously Gothic.net has driven me to drugs.

[HavelockV]

Originally Posted by HumanePain

Except for that time I posted how to seduce a date by seductively eating fettuccine Alfredo.

That is assuredly one of the more novel methods of courtship I have heard of, sir.

[Despanan]

Originally Posted by Godslayer Jillian

Seriously, you are increasingly defining yourself by being every time more cartoonish and annoying solely due to Sternn's opinions.

I'm sorry, is this a sentence? Are you on cocaine too Jillian, or are you just dyslexic?

[HumanePain]

Originally Posted by HavelockV

That is assuredly one of the more novel methods of courtship I have heard of, sir.

It happened thus:

Duane was looking for advice on how to have a good date, and various members offered their advice (for free no less! Imagine that!), including yours truly, and as I was under the influence of medication taken for the purpose of controlling my arthritis pain, I happened to post here on Gnet. Never post under the influence, respect for you will nosedive. Anyway, my contribution to the lad's repository of courtship rituals was to provide subconscious, background influence towards arousing his date by taking his time wrapping his lips around a tomato wedge, licking Alfredo sauce from his lips etc. and I went on and on for several (I think) paragraphs. In the end, it instead became amusing to the other members and even creepy to one.

The thread is around somewhere but I cannot recall the title.

[Solumina]

HP you are rather funny on pain killers, just so you know

Oh and yeah it was a rather in depth description of what to do, which I found endlessly entertaining

[Duane]

Mi madre did not like the chick all to well... also, I believe that she was on the rebound, didn't last more than 4 days.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by HumanePain

I must admit Despanan's posting on cocaine is more entertaining than me posting on pain killers. Except for that time I posted how to seduce a date by seductively eating fettuccine Alfredo.

Haha, I remember that.

[HavelockV]

Talking about eating: dining can be an excellent conversation at the subconscious level, by that I mean the way you eat can be...titillating...if done well. Don't dig in and gorge as soon as the plate hits the table. Think of eating as an indicator of latent lovemaking ability. Delicately impale the tomato wedge from the salad, and then sensuously wrap your lips around it and nibble it rather than plopping the whole thing in your mouth at once. If you get dressing on your lips, don't wipe it with a napkin, lick your lips. As the two of you engage in conversation, and you slice a meatball in half, hold up the impaled half and rotate the fork, observing the meatball from all sides, contemplating it before you devour it. Look for the opportunity to use the word "Yum!" and mean it.

Or you could watch Jennifer Beals in Flashdance eat a lobster and get the same idea.

The conveniences of the Gothic.net board search function allowed me to unearth the aforementioned comic gem written by a pharmaceutically-impaired, though well-meaning, HumanePain. Quite entertaining, indeed!

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

Well, Despanan HAS had sex with a woman, something only a few hundred million people do every day. And his post is clearly better than similar ones made by H because he wrote it in his SPARE TIME.

God, Despanan is so fucking cool. I mean, here I am, posting on Gnet during job interviews or my mom's funeral, and he's doing it in his fucking SPARE TIME! While I'm wishing I could remember what peeing was like, what with having given it up to make time for Gnet and all, he's going HIKING! Like, he packed some supplies into a bag, hoisted that bag onto his back, and just walked out into the woods like a bear or something! Who is this guy? He truly is livin' THE life.

[Godslayer Jillian]

Originally Posted by Despanan

I'm sorry, is this a sentence? Are you on cocaine too Jillian, or are you just dyslexic?

Amuse me. What's wrong with the sentence?

[JCC]

This thread started awfully and further nose-dived into the depths of catastrophic failure. Despite all of my better judgment insisting that it's entirely impossible, Despanan's 'changes' appear to be severe regression, leaving him at the mental state of an infantile Rush Limbaugh.

[Despanan]

Originally Posted by Godslayer Jillian

Amuse me. What's wrong with the sentence?

For starters, You seem to have forgotten a question mark. Unless this is supposed to be a declarative statement, but even then, it's bizarre. You've got more superfluous language in here than one of Gothicus's video blogs.

Seriously, you are increasingly defining yourself by being every time more cartoonish and annoying solely due to Sternn's opinions.

There is absolutely no reason for a human being to talk like this Jill. The 'Seriously" is completely unnecessary, as there's absolutely no reason for us to think that your post is a joke. I'm not "increasingly" defining myself as anything, as you are responding to a single post. You MIGHT be trying to say that this is part of an overall "Despanan trend" But that's also ridiculous because I've never made a post like this before. For God's sake man, I made a joke where I compared myself to Snowflame the villain powered by cocaine and you and JCC are trying to debate me over it. You guys are fucking retards.

And while we're on the subject:

"By being every time more annoying"?

Really Jill? REALLY? You really think that sounds like proper English?

You have a tendency to type in "Yoda". I do not know why this is. Do you think that jamming thoughts together like that makes you sound smart? It doesn't. At best it makes you sound like someone with a shaky grasp of English and at worst it makes you sound like a retard.

[Godslayer Jillian]

Funny. You didn't say there was anything wrong with the sentence. You only said there's something weird with the sentence.
How pathetic of you to only have my strange but still acceptable syntax to bitch about. And to ridiculously claim that such a post could only possibly come from either drugs or dyslexia, just makes it all the more pathetic.
Of course, you're going to say you weren't serious, but that's the point. You're not even remotely funny.
You better not make one single English mistake if you're capable of such twattery as finding a problem with a perfectly legible post. Jesus, that puts you in an even lower place than all the stupid grammar nazis that at least complain about legitimate errors.

[Despanan]

Yes, Jillian, of course you're right. Speaking like an ass-backwards ESL Yoda is exactly the same thing as making a typo. Any teacher would have red-penned the shit out of your statement and you know it.

Tell me, do you ever get tired of being a miserable, humorless, pedant, or is it like, a sport to you?

[Godslayer Jillian]

Can you answer a yes or no question when the assumptions are obviously made up as an attempt at sounding witty?

Or should I say

Yes or no question answer can one when made up to sound witty assumptions are?

[Despanan]

The second statement would probably be closer to your usual M.O.

What "yes or no" question are you even asking me? You've only asked two question in this entire thread and both of which weren't anything close to "yes or no".

Are you still forgetting to use question marks or something?

[Godslayer Jillian]

I should have said "either/or" not "yes or no."
Check it out. A legitimate reason to bitch about my post. Don't miss this opportunity! Go wild with it!

[maniacmyke666]

I would like to introduce myself to the Gothic. net community. my name is maniacmyke666 and i am all about witchcraft, hardcore punk, oi, psychobilly and death metal. i am not about silly backbiting or nasty verbal games (see above). so,if you want honesty with no bullshit reply to this or send me a note. that's about it for now.mm666