is there more to life than

[honeythorn]

Originally Posted by Corpsey

Why such an intimate dislike of having children?

I don't know about GC but some of us really do NOT like them. Why have something you dislike or do not want ? Just because it is apparantly expected ?

Better to be childless than bring a child into the world that is unwanted. There's too much of that going on already.

[Graveyard.Crow]

I don't like kids per say, but if I did, I would still go by my beliefs. If by some off chance I decide that the motherhood gene is kicking in, I will adopt.

[Solumina]

Kids are sticky and I can't handle being constantly touched by someone sticky, it just puts OCD into overdrive and I can only handle the personalities of some kids, plus I have some pretty insanely high risk factors for all sorts of serious pregnancy complications. There are still some kids that I do like and there are many good kids in the foster care system who need and deserve a loving home, which is why I plan to adopt a kid who is around 8 or so.

[Joker_in_the_Pack]

I don't like kids either. They combine all the traits I don't like in adults, but they have an excuse, so I can't even be mad at them...

[Beneath the Shadows]

Originally Posted by Graveyard.Crow

Getting born, going to school, then eventually getting a job or whatever else you want to do with your time, get married/date then procreate so your kids can do basically the same thing
I hope that's not all there is to life but right now I'm emerging from my childhood and the "real world" looks pretty bleak. Sure there are things to do in between all those major points, but is this all there is to life?
I really want to see things differently but I'm going to need some help.
Help people in black help! XD

You forgot urination.

[Anarasha]

Yes, of course there is more to life. Travelling, seeing things, being your own kind of individual, making friends, love, hate, emotions, your first asskicking for being different, partying, having fun, listening to music, playing games, having fun, having fun, having fun and having fun!
Other than that, I have two words for you:
Play some music!

[Serren]

Unfortunately a lot of people want kids without really thinking what it is like to have them, one of my step kids lives with us because her mother thought it would be nice to have a cute baby, but when the kid grew up into a (admittedly) some what difficult teenager it was a different story.

If you ask a lot of people with kids some of the honest ones will tell you (in the strictest of confidence) that they didn't think through having kids and they regret it, at least some of the time. The cute family photographs do not tell all. Although some people do love being parents.

If its not for you though don't ever be bullied into doing it. You don't really have to do anything you don't want to as an adult, you can find ways round most things but a lot of people after their twenties do want to settle down.

I did quite a bit of working abroad when I was younger, and it is a good thing to do for broadening your horizons. I know quite a lot of people who have not taken the usual path of job, marriage, kids, millstone. I personally think its a better life.

I think a lot of people have the sense though of always looking for something.

[Still Jack]

I would be a dangerously shit father...

[Apathy's_Child]

In my (personal) experience, most people who dislike children do so because they don't know how to relate to them. Personally I love kids - whilst I don't subscribe to the view that their natural state is that of innocent little angels and anything else in their character is the fault of their parents, they're hella fun once you lean how to talk to them, and their thought processes are way mopre interesting than most child-haters give them credit for. (And I have nieces, nephews, cousins and second cousins galore, so it's not just a case of being naive about the negative side of how exhausting taking care of them can be.) Some people simply don't care for children, and that's cool, but I've never known someone who's had close contact with a lot of kids and still feels that way regardless of the child in question.

That said, I, like Jack, would be a shitty parent and don't plan on having my own for too many reasons to count. Being a kick-ass uncle is plenty good enough for me.

[Alarica]

I find those who dont have kids and those who dont want them, are better with them than some parents, me included sometimes. My brothers are great with their nieces and nephew, so when I'm exhausted from all the parental duties and family or childless friends come over, they can enjoy the fun side of kids and then leave all the crappy stuff to me (endless washing, feeding, cleaning, nose wiping and homework).

I said I'd never have kids. Having helped raise 3 of my brothers and seeing my mum collapse with exhaustion a lot I never wanted that, and yet I couldnt be without my kids, but that's not to say I dont regret having them so young. I missed out on a lot but the flip side of that is that I can do a lot of those things now, and share that with them, and they are then getting things I never had. Plus, I have an excuse to make models and play with goo, playdough and artroc, which is a bonus and great stress relief!

Life is what you make it.

[Serren]

I don't think you have to be a child hater to not want kids. I actually do voluntary work with kids, I like kids, I relate well to them. I have 2 step kids of my own but they were older when I came along.

I don't think (not entirely sure) that I want a child of my own for the reason that they take too much looking after, and you have to give so much of yourself to them... My priorities are elsewhere. I don't want to be stuck in the house with them all day every day.

What I don't like is kids invading my personal space, particularly with things like screaming their heads off in public.

[Lord Whiskerton]

I suppose this is a "What is the purpose of life?" question. Here are a few answers to that proposed by others:
To reach one's potential as a human being and to complete goals set by one's self.
To pass on one's traits to offspring.
To expand one's mind.
etc.

[Graveyard.Crow]

I understand kids, because I never left that special state of mind kids have. I even still have memories from before I could walk, it's weird I know but it's true. Kids love me (for some reason), I just don't buy the notion that they're a miracle and that being a parent is this noble thing. It's not a miracle to have sex and get pregnant, and it's not noble to give up your life to be a parent UNLESS it's what you wanted out of life.
But being childless is seen as such a bag thing, you're either selfish or "alone" and to me that feels like a trap. Have kids or die alone? eww

[Serren]

Yeah a lot of people are hysterical over being alone. I don't see what the big deal is, I like my own company.

[RaverOfDarkness]

To me, kids or no kids. Doesn't really matter. I would be happy with or without them. Having a girl is a scary thought to me. When she becomes a teenager, shit would get real exhausting. Fighting off guys to protect daddy's little girl which would lead her to tell me, "I HATE YOU". It's funny but it sends chills down my back.

[Ophelia's Snorkel]

As much as I sincerely believe there is no "point" or greater purpose to our lives, anymore than there is a point to the life of a virus, it's rather stupid not to enjoy life anyway. The world is full of interesting people, intriguing stories, awe-inspiring places, and the opportunity to share what you do and have with others. Living is beautiful and terrible, and its basic pointlessness just makes me value it more, as contradictory as that seems.

[Jaye Jang]

Originally Posted by Graveyard.Crow

Well I already know what I want to do, film acting. I do have favourite music, I love to read and dance and sing and...well lots of things
but I don't know, everything feels llike it's spinning in the same circle. Then when I proclaim that I want to be different and never have kids, someone adult tells me "they all say that"
this makes me think that when I hit 30, some big force is going to force me to have kids wether I want to or not. Ugghhh

GC, start with this. Find a few websites like the one below, and consider working as an extra where you are at. It gets your foot in the door, and you can decide FROM EXPERIENCE if that's is what you want to do. In the meantime, good luck.

http://www.moviextras.com/

As for the 'having children' part, if you know you don't want children, either at all or just not yet, then waiting to have kids is the smartest thing you can do -- for yourself and your progeny.

[carakitty]

Originally Posted by Jaye Jang

As for the 'having children' part, if you know you don't want children, either at all or just not yet, then waiting to have kids is the smartest thing you can do -- for yourself and your progeny.

Most excellent advice! My husband and I were married for several years before we had our daughter. In that time we nearly got divorced, then moved from Anchorage Alaska to northwestern Florida in addition to my husband's over seas deployment.

When we got married we were both 20 and needed to learn a few things about life in general. At the time we got married he thought he never wanted kids but I always thought that someday I'd want lots. Time went on. When he got back from his deployment he decided that yes, having a baby would be a good thing for us. In the 5 years that our daughter has been alive I've realized that having a child is HARD WORK mentally and physically and I love our little girl to pieces but think having another child might seriously put me into an institution.

So I can really understand when people say they don't want kids ever and I respect that but seeing the way my daughter is I can't help but wonder if these people just haven't met the 'right' kinds of kids to show them that kids aren't terrible little creatures.

[Ophelia's Snorkel]

It's a difficult thing to resist the push of our culture and their urges to "procreate, procreate, don't you want kids, you'll change your mind, wait until you're older, you'll regret it, when are you going to have a baby" and on and on. I really admire those who follow what is right for them. Perhaps that means never having children - certainly nothing wrong with that. I also respect those who are willing to change their positions as their lives change.

Why should anyone feel obligated to reproduce? Children can be lovely and fill our lives with special experiences we otherwise never would have known - but so can travel, careers, even staying single for life. We can't possibly experience every sort of life that is available to us; it does not seem important, then, what sort of life we end up desiring and taking for ourselves.

[Ben Lahnger]

Wow!

I think it would be a more productive use of your time to spend an hour or two contemplating the lint gathering in your navel.

You could get dishpan hands. You could have molten iron spilled on you in an industrial accident. But so much in between when you are born and when you die is in your control. If you are truly asking questions about whether life has enough to offer you or is fulfulling enough for you, it signifies only one thing to me: that you are a person who is singularly lacking in imagination.

It's like when I had children at home. Every time I would hear them lament, "I'm bored!" I would look them squarely in their eyes and say, "That's your fault and you alone are responsible for rectifying that situation. You need to make better use of your imagination to solve this problem. And laziness is not an acceptable response."

They hated it when I said that. But in recent years, they've acknowledged I was always right.

[Ophelia's Snorkel]

I'm afraid you've misinterpreted my position almost beyond the point of recognition, Ben. On the contrary, I think there is a tremendous amount to enjoy about life, and I'd not give mine up for anything. I believe it is, ultimately, pointless - after all, nothing lasts forever, not lives, nor memories, nor even books or paintings, not even the sun will go on burning for eternity - but that does not have to be a depressing thought at all. We have this one life, this one brief chance to feel and see and hear and experience the world, full of wonderful and terrible things, and people choose to do this in countless, marvellous ways. As for thinking that I advocate sitting and doing nothing in some morose fancy that it is no use and that we have no control over our lives, reread my last phrase: 'life we end up desiring and taking for ourselves.' That is what I advocate: both imagination and, then, action.

[Ben Lahnger]

You assumed I was responding directly to your post. I was responding to the OP, and if you reread my comment I think you will find that clear.

BTW, I find it humorous that while we already have a thread elsewhere that was recently started to ask about the merits of having children, this thread was not about that at all and yet has been thread-jacked almost out of recognition from the OP's query.

[Solumina]

Hey Ben you sound like my mom, cut it out

[Ben Lahnger]

That's probably because I sometimes catch MY mom's voice in my head ... if you know what I mean! :-]

[Ophelia's Snorkel]

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

You assumed I was responding directly to your post. I was responding to the OP, and if you reread my comment I think you will find that clear.

That's a relief, then. I'm sorry I assumed wrongly; I've had rather unpleasant reactions in the past when I've given my "life is pointless but not valueless" opinion. Thanks, Ben.