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Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books. |
08-04-2010, 07:33 AM
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#1
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: In my own world
Posts: 18
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song: Broken
This is a song I wrote myself. I hope it's good.
BROKEN
The love inside is dying
The love inside is trying
To give you a message
Through some sort of passage
That punches a hole
Inside my soul
The strangest of all
When I went to fall
Right then you catched me
Something I didn't see
You dropped me again
To me it's a sin
My heart is broken
From you damn poison
It killed me from inside
No more reason to hide
I'm taking my heart back
From your kind of sh*t that
Has broken me
Someone you can't see
As soon as I died
I woke up and cried
My heart had been shattered
To red crystal pieces
My chest hurt so badly
You gladly kicked it again
This dead angel
Is not going down
Without a fight
For my crown
My heart is broken
From you damn poison
It killed me from inside
No more reason to hide
I'm taking my heart back
From your kind of sh*t that
Has broken me
Someone you can't see
Ohhhh, why?
Why did I cry
For you
You're sleeping like a babe
Now i've got a knife
To plunge into your heart
I've sent you to your grave
Now you now how I felt
My sweet revenge!
My heart was broken
Due to your poison
It killed me inside
No more reason to hide
I took my heart back
Gave it to a boy that
Will never break me
Someone you never saw
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08-04-2010, 07:42 AM
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#2
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Fiddler's Green
Posts: 1,406
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You really should consider publication.
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08-04-2010, 11:29 AM
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#3
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: In my own world
Posts: 18
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What does that mean? Publish it for the world to see?
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08-05-2010, 04:55 PM
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#4
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 98
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I love it! I think that's it's beautiful!
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08-05-2010, 05:38 PM
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#5
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Fiddler's Green
Posts: 1,406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeathlyAngelOfTokioHotel
What does that mean? Publish it for the world to see?
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Yes, exactly. Tell me their input when you get a letter in the mail or email. I'd like to know if they are as enlightened as WE ELITE GOTHS or if they're just nothing special like the rest of SOCIETY...which is boring. Dude.
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08-05-2010, 06:08 PM
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#6
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: victoria british columbia
Posts: 112
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ummmmm.....that will never be published except in perhaps magazines which gear to preteens, the rhyming is so obnoxiously unoriginal, the only good image was the heart shattering into red crystal pieces. that was really the only image that wasn't a huge cliche
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08-05-2010, 06:11 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Fiddler's Green
Posts: 1,406
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Then only we preteens are the elite.
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08-05-2010, 06:14 PM
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#8
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: victoria british columbia
Posts: 112
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my definition of elite:
people who are opaque from the delusion of grandeur, arising from a sense of deficiency and must subjugate all other groups and stereotypes to feel a sense of self-worth
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08-05-2010, 06:15 PM
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#9
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Fiddler's Green
Posts: 1,406
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My definition of elite:
ONLY those who understand the vast brilliance that is goth.
And masterpieces such as this.
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08-05-2010, 06:26 PM
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#10
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: victoria british columbia
Posts: 112
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it seems that , that definition implies that any obese uneducated, violent, crazed,, or otherwise abusive, sloth goth, would be superior to perhaps, albert einstein
universe theorists, or master artists throughout history...unfortunately many ,many brilliant people do not conform to a glorified subcultural stereotype.
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08-05-2010, 06:32 PM
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#11
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Fiddler's Green
Posts: 1,406
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I don't think any brilliant person conforms, though, that label comes from the people. The fans. The media. The spectators.
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08-05-2010, 06:39 PM
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#12
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: victoria british columbia
Posts: 112
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sometimes I feel that goths are cats
they puke in your shoes, then want you to worship them..
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08-06-2010, 06:21 AM
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#13
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: In my own world
Posts: 18
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please! not another fight!
@allyssa: just ignore Sinjob. he's an asswhole.
@Sinjob: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
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08-06-2010, 06:25 AM
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#14
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: In my own world
Posts: 18
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ok, now I can talk about the song. I agree that it may not be very original, but it IS a work in progress. When the song has been finally and completley finished and not so cliche, it will be better and edited.
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08-06-2010, 07:22 AM
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#15
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,721
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darkemostar
I love it! I think that's it's beautiful!
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Yeah, but you're saying that to everyone who's posted a crappy poem over the last few days. Such lightly given regard counts for very little; it's the desperate chasemeplz!! labrador of the critique world.
Sinjob's made the list of people on here I would probably enjoy getting drunk with. Guess I've got a little bit of that same lab in me - a few lulz and I'm anyone's.
__________________
All pleasure is relief from tension. - William S. Burroughs
Witches have no wit, said the magician who was weak.
Hula, hula, said the witches. - Norman Mailer
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08-06-2010, 08:34 AM
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#16
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Fiddler's Green
Posts: 1,406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child
Yeah, but you're saying that to everyone who's posted a crappy poem over the last few days. Such lightly given regard counts for very little; it's the desperate chasemeplz!! labrador of the critique world.
Sinjob's made the list of people on here I would probably enjoy getting drunk with. Guess I've got a little bit of that same lab in me - a few lulz and I'm anyone's.
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Where you live, mate? Considering the quotes and peeps you have on your sig, we're bros in progress.
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08-06-2010, 08:36 AM
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#17
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Fiddler's Green
Posts: 1,406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeathlyAngelOfTokioHotel
please! not another fight!
@allyssa: just ignore Sinjob. he's an asswhole.
@Sinjob: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
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No, really. Post more.
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08-06-2010, 08:44 AM
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#18
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,721
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sinjob
Where you live, mate? Considering the quotes and peeps you have on your sig, we're bros in progress.
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New Jersey. Partially explains why the list is only in my head - no one wants to come here. The Sopranos thing helped for a while, but the shine wore off of that shit pretty damn quick.
__________________
All pleasure is relief from tension. - William S. Burroughs
Witches have no wit, said the magician who was weak.
Hula, hula, said the witches. - Norman Mailer
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08-06-2010, 08:47 AM
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#19
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Fiddler's Green
Posts: 1,406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child
New Jersey. Partially explains why the list is only in my head - no one wants to come here. The Sopranos thing helped for a while, but the shine wore off of that shit pretty damn quick.
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Awh man, not true.
Jersey Shore!
Or you must be in South Jersey, then..
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08-06-2010, 09:07 AM
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#20
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,721
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sinjob
Awh man, not true.
Jersey Shore!
Or you must be in South Jersey, then..
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Unfortunately, yes. I think I can say with utter confidence (and a disturbing lack of arrogance) that I'm the best thing to have come out of there in a long time. Where are you from?
__________________
All pleasure is relief from tension. - William S. Burroughs
Witches have no wit, said the magician who was weak.
Hula, hula, said the witches. - Norman Mailer
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08-06-2010, 09:10 AM
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#21
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Fiddler's Green
Posts: 1,406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child
Unfortunately, yes. I think I can say with utter confidence (and a disturbing lack of arrogance) that I'm the best thing to have come out of there in a long time. Where are you from?
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Originally from Chicago, and I think my hearts still somewhere in the Midwest. But I've been living in south Florida for most of my life with the exception of an eye-opening year and a half at boarding school in the Appalachian Mountains of Georgia.
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08-06-2010, 09:14 AM
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#22
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,721
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sinjob
Originally from Chicago, and I think my hearts still somewhere in the Midwest. But I've been living in south Florida for most of my life with the exception of an eye-opening year and a half at boarding school in the Appalachian Mountains of Georgia.
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Damn, guess that drink'll have to be a cyber affair.
That school sounds sweeeet.
__________________
All pleasure is relief from tension. - William S. Burroughs
Witches have no wit, said the magician who was weak.
Hula, hula, said the witches. - Norman Mailer
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08-06-2010, 09:19 AM
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#23
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Fiddler's Green
Posts: 1,406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child
Damn, guess that drink'll have to be a cyber affair.
That school sounds sweeeet.
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You'd be surprised. Though it was a beautiful surrounding it took so much for me to really realize and appreciate it. It was a reform school I was sent to for having some serious teen angst. And law trouble.
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08-07-2010, 04:53 PM
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#24
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 98
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[quote=Apathy's_Child;630962]Yeah, but you're saying that to everyone who's posted a crappy poem over the last few days.QUOTE]
Well i don't care what you say if i like or love a poem or song that's my opion and i beleve that you have your opion and i can have mine I don't think that we have to argue about it we should just leave it be.
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08-09-2010, 08:04 AM
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#25
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: In my own world
Posts: 18
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Thank you Darkemostar! that is exactly right!
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