Ways to be goth without really showing it?

[Lounar Wolf]

Is there a way to be goth without really showing it? My dads a church person, and I don't know whats with my mum. I try being goth without them noticing it. Two people have said they think I'm going goth. (yea I'm so proud [not really]) I always where some black wrist band that says in red "Your not special your just stupid" And usualy black red and blue. Crap its kinda hard. Usually when your standing in the sun with your jacket over your head on a freakin' feild trip!!! And another one comin' up too! Crap!!!

[Lounar Wolf]

OK. That helps at least. Yes I'm stupid and I know this is off topic but can you cuss on this site? On all the other ones I'm on you can't.

[rockandrose]

Disregarding the outer shell (such the clothes), if you're really a goth, other people can generally sense it.

If you're a poser, it's obvious!

[Lounar Wolf]

I just started goin goth last month and I'm trying to do more with it.

[Circle V]

You cannot "go goth." You are either a Goth or you are not. That's mostly your decision, though it helps if your personality suits the role. You can begin to *dress* like a Goth, however.

You can be a Goth without ever showing it in any physical way-- I usually wear some black, and wear completly black outfits maybe half of the time. Today, however, I wore khaki corduroy pants, a white t-shirt, a brown overshirt, and a brown greatcoat-- no spikes, no studs, no chains, no black, yet I still consider myself a Goth. If you refer to ways to get away with the customary Goth dress, either by hiding it somehow or crafting a look that isn't very offensive, yet still Gothy, I can probably help.

You should consider exactly why you want to dress like a Goth.

Is it because you genuinely like the style?
Because you want others to know that you are a Goth?
Because you want to prove to yourself that you are?
Because you want to dress like your Gothic friends?
Because you want to dress like your favorite musicians?
Because you want to piss off your parents?
Because you want people to be interested in/scared of you?
Because you want to "keep them at bay?"

Most likely, it's a mix of several reasons.

Anyway, back to the question.

You can wear all black without making it too obvious-- simply choose normal clothes that happen to be black. You can, if you wish, wear jackets or coats over your Gothy clothing when your parents are around. I don't know whether you are a guy or girl-- it's easier for a girl to get away with wearing Gothy makeup, obviously. As a guy, I don't wear it since it is simply too much of a bother to hide it from/justify it to my parents and peers.

It helps to slowly start adding more Gothy elements to your wardrobe. Clothes from thrift stores are a good way do this-- they aren't too obviously Gothic, but can be customized easily into very Gothy clothes.

Also, you should try explaining exactly what being a Goth means to your parents. If you aren't clear on it yourself, Google "goth with a sledgehammer" for quality information. In fact, even if you think you already know, you should research it anyway.

[Midnight_Terror]

Couldn't have said it better myself Circle V...although I probably would have added a sentence along the lines of "Stop starting threads you stupid attention seeking whore...this could have gone somewhere else...maybe in the one of those numerous "how to be goth threads" that are started every two fucking days. Anyway, have a nice day

[DarkWings666]

i accepted that i was a goth for about four years before i started to dress 'gothy'. it really doesn't matter how you dress. honestly................

[Goth Mom]

Originally Posted by Circle V

You cannot "go goth." You are either a Goth or you are not. That's mostly your decision, though it helps if your personality suits the role. You can begin to *dress* like a Goth, however.

You can be a Goth without ever showing it in any physical way-- I usually wear some black, and wear completly black outfits maybe half of the time. Today, however, I wore khaki corduroy pants, a white t-shirt, a brown overshirt, and a brown greatcoat-- no spikes, no studs, no chains, no black, yet I still consider myself a Goth. If you refer to ways to get away with the customary Goth dress, either by hiding it somehow or crafting a look that isn't very offensive, yet still Gothy, I can probably help.

You should consider exactly why you want to dress like a Goth.

Is it because you genuinely like the style?
Because you want others to know that you are a Goth?
Because you want to prove to yourself that you are?
Because you want to dress like your Gothic friends?
Because you want to dress like your favorite musicians?
Because you want to piss off your parents?
Because you want people to be interested in/scared of you?
Because you want to "keep them at bay?"

Most likely, it's a mix of several reasons.

Anyway, back to the question.

You can wear all black without making it too obvious-- simply choose normal clothes that happen to be black. You can, if you wish, wear jackets or coats over your Gothy clothing when your parents are around. I don't know whether you are a guy or girl-- it's easier for a girl to get away with wearing Gothy makeup, obviously. As a guy, I don't wear it since it is simply too much of a bother to hide it from/justify it to my parents and peers.

It helps to slowly start adding more Gothy elements to your wardrobe. Clothes from thrift stores are a good way do this-- they aren't too obviously Gothic, but can be customized easily into very Gothy clothes.

Also, you should try explaining exactly what being a Goth means to your parents. If you aren't clear on it yourself, Google "goth with a sledgehammer" for quality information. In fact, even if you think you already know, you should research it anyway.

My first time on this site. I am researching Goth because I believe my daughter is one. Thank you for the google search information. After reading this site I can see that she is Goth and that it isn't a bad thing. She wants to wear more black than usual and I just didn't understand why. I have a better feeling for what she is trying to express. I'm not into the skull and cross bones stuff but she can wear anything else, fishnets, chains, I don't care. I do care about my daughter and her happiness. If showing on the exterior that she is Goth pleases her I'm all for it. I understand it is difficult to been a teenager and discover who you really are and why you don't really fit in. She has friends that do dress Goth I don't know if they are just skin-Goth or not I don't know them well enough to make that judgement. I didn't realize how educated the Goth community is. I'm impressed really! I'm also not surprised as she is very smart and does a lot of expression through writing. So be different, stand out (or not), and stick to your own convictions. Oh ~ and thank you all for helping me become better educated to Goths.

[Tall One In Black]

Goth Mom,

I think you will find that goths are generally articulate and creative. One thing that makes goths unique is their recognition of the beauty in things that the general public considers ugly - like weathered statues in a cemetery, dead leaves on the lawn, or bats.

You will certainly see the "spooky kids" who dress in black to scare their parents, but they're not really representative of the culture. And while many goths are teenagers, there is a healthy contingent of "elder goths." I'm 30, for example.

It's fantastic that you're keeping an open mind, even taking the time to research your daughter's interests. The world would be a far better place if other parents showed that kind of care and diligence with their children. Your daughter is lucky to have you as a mother.

[Disfunction]

Originally Posted by Xnguela

Sweet! Why can't my mom be more like you?

She's ecstatic that I'm wearing colors again.

Same could be said for my parents regarding me.

[Disfunction]

Originally Posted by Xnguela

Don't get me wrong, my parents love me unconditionally, they would just prefer if I were pretty & blonde like the rest of my cousins.

Actually, I think they're more ok with who I am now... Cuz I'm not wearing spikes & black lipstick. I've toned it down. I wear my darkness in my heart, oh my goth!

Same exact thing with me and mine.

Won't they be disappointed if I go shopping in Montreal... *sighs*

But alas, I cannot as I need to save money for a potential plane ticket.

[IlGato_DiDiablo]

Originally Posted by Xnguela

Sweet! Why can't my mom be more like you?

She's ecstatic that I'm wearing colors again.

I wish my parents would think the way Goth Mom did.

Then my brother and I won't be kicked out of the house that often anymore.

[winged_dreams]

Goth mom is awesome! I think that's great that you took the time to research your daughter's interests. That's very amazing. You must be a great parent. ^^

[winged_dreams]

And I don't dress goth. I wish I could though although I might feel too weird in the clothes. I do sort of, possibly, consider myself goth (just cuz I'm cool like that). I'm not sure if others can tell but...eh, whatever.

[winged_dreams]

It means that I'm awesome! ^^

[katsumy]

There are no "dress codes" for gothics. If your parents don't let you be a goth because the church thing... You can still be a goth in the inside and act like one...not dressing like one... get it?

[Auriane]

I agree with the whole "you don't have to dress goth to be it". Actually, it would be nice to be goth without showing it, kind of going against all the posers who dress goth to get attention.

Here's a link that might be helpfull. It's acutally a website about how to be gothic and have a job, but it has much information about how to dress sensibly.
http://www.waningmoon.com/corpgoth/

[winged_dreams]

Originally Posted by Auriane

I agree with the whole "you don't have to dress goth to be it". Actually, it would be nice to be goth without showing it, kind of going against all the posers who dress goth to get attention.

*ponders and wonders if she could do that* I feel so weirdly insecure about my goth status. Odd, I know.

[Nigredo]

Try living in Tennessee and be goth. I have dOen this for years and years. I still go out and people have to say something bad to me. I have gotten to the poinT in my life where I just not cAre what people think. You just haVe to like what you see or read.

People HaTe what they don't understand and that goes for everybody as welL.

[rockandrose]

Nigredo, you're an idiot!

Look at the way you fucking type.

"Oh I DoNt cArE wHAT PeOpLe sAy! Im sO GoTh tHaTs alL iT MaTtErS!"

[Moonie]

*sigh*

yet another alterna-teen who cant type. this saddens me. once again we have to say that being goth does not mean fuck the world and everyone who critics me.

[rockandrose]

Originally Posted by Moonie

*sigh*

yet another alterna-teen who cant type. this saddens me. once again we have to say that being goth does not mean fuck the world and everyone who critics me.

You're cute. He's age is actually way beyond his teen years!

Unfortunately, he's still stuck in a childish teeny booper world.

[Rosie]

Originally Posted by GeishaGirl

Yes. Goth is not about how you look. It's how you feel. So if you're forced to not dress in all black by your parents, that's okay because inside, deep down, you know who you are. So dont fret. A time will come when you can dress however you want.

... people tell you that, then you end up working, and they tell you "The time when you can dress however you want is over".

I also love how "Church person", which should mean kind and tolerant, equates to "Total dickhead".

[xXambivalenceXx]

*Raises hand and looks at Santarea* Louisiana-native here. I am Goth in a highly conservative Christian town. From my house, which is in the outer edges of town, to the end of town, on my road, a side road, and the highway, there are 13 churchs. My town ONLY just legalized the sell of alcohol, and everyone here ADORES Bush and Jesus, the two best males in their eyes. *Not saying anything is wrong with that*

However, I wear black, I have dark hair, pale skin, the whole make-up thing working for me, yada yada. My point is, I LOOK Goth, and as long as I don't act like a cocky shithead, and respect others, I get respect in return. It's gotten to be rather rare that I get rude remarks or scowls. I help, and respect, my elders, and they respect*or pretend to* in return. The only drama my "social status" has caused lately is a friend of mine's boyfriend's mother had a fit because her son was dating someone in the "wrong crowd".

Where you are has little to do with how people react to you. It's how you present yourself and how you act around others. Act intelligent, articulate, and respectful, and people will see who you are as YOU, not as your clothes.

[Circle V]

Originally Posted by Xnguela

I heart Circle V!!!

I heart Xnguela, too!!!

I certainly missed a lot. The whole Goth Mom affair-- that sort of thing doesn't happen every day.