Robot Humor (aka Robohumor)

[ArtificialOne]

OK, Since we don't have a comedy section I'd thought I'd post my corny thing here. (and it's not classy enough for the literature section)

Good reasons to own a robot wife, girlfriend or sexbot.

1. You actually get to own it. (or lease anyways)

2. When she whines, there’s actually a problem.

3. When you don’t want to argue anymore you can just turn her off.

4. No more pesky dumping, fights or “casual breakups”. If you get tired of her just trade her in, or buy another one and keep the old one in the garage next to the bikes.

5. When you’re in the mood, turning her on is as easy as pushing the “on” button.

6.Changing the oil can now be done in the privacy of your bedroom.

7. Care and upkeep is easy. Just pressure wash and towel dry. Wax as needed.

8. Servicing at many local locations, no more driving out of town for tune ups.

9. She comes with a warranty, 5 yrs and 150,000 miles (owner responsible for routine maintenance charges, taxes apply).

10. Shopping for accessories is now fun and cheaper.

11. No more expensive diners or movies, just plug her in and pop the dvd in, no tipping or inflated ticket prices. (certain models may contain such options as cooking, built in microwave or popcorn popers for those after activity snacks)

12. No more lengthy teaching of your favorite positions, just download the latest version of the software or buy service packs.

13. No more having to drag the radio out or turn up the music form the living room when having sex, just download your favorite tunes from Itunes or plug your Ipod in (among other things).

14. No more pesky stopping to apply lube, just press the button on the side (make sure it’s the button labeled “L” and not “S”, as stopping in the middle of the intercourse program can cause serious injury no one wants to go through or see pictures of.

15. When going out with friends or working late there’s no more wondering about cheating, just make sure the keys out and you have the “club” securely placed.

16. When kidnapped (or stolen) Just call Onstar or Lojack. Within five minutes you’ll know where she is.

17. You can order a foreign robot and only have to worry about taxes and shipping, no long and drawn out visa applications and annoying INS raids.

18. You can paint her to match your car, motorcycle or house.

19. No batteries required, just plug into any household outlet or buy the optional car adapter.

20. When stranded with a dead car battery, she can jump start the car.

21. And finally. She will never leave you (Unless you stop making payments and they repo her. That will not only ruin your fun, but also your credit)

[ArtificialOne]

Feel free to copy, paste and add to it. I think it would be cool to give this silly thing a life....

[Underwater Ophelia]

These are great!

[ArtificialOne]

Thanks!

I was dieing to try and come up with something like this for awhile.

Dresden Dolls are cool. I picked them up in Australia and thought for the longest time they were from NewZealand. I wasn't till about a week before coming back to the states someone told me they were form New england somewhere!! lol

[HumanePain]

This made me think: why don't we have a "joke of the day" thread? (goes looking in the archives, wiping away cobwebs and and stepping on bugs while holding a flaming torch...)

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by ArtificialOne

Thanks!

I was dieing to try and come up with something like this for awhile.

Dresden Dolls are cool. I picked them up in Australia and thought for the longest time they were from NewZealand. I wasn't till about a week before coming back to the states someone told me they were form New england somewhere!! lol

Yeah, I'm a total freak about the Dolls. They're completely electric live. Why did you think they were from New Zealand? They're from Boston!

[ArtificialOne]

I have no idea why I thought thats where they came from. It might be because of that boston accent and they were being interviewed from a music channel originating in NZ..

I geuss I'm just crazy...lol

[Vako]

That was clever. Here is one I just made up.

If/then logic.

If you and she have a disagreement, then you can just remind her that her heuristic algorithm is based on logic.

argument over. ;-)

[Draconysius]

One of the Dolls' songs is "Bank of Boston Beauty Queen" for crying out loud. How could you NOT know? i now y is cuz ur a posser!!!!11!!!!!! fag poser u dont no reeal metal you poser emo pussy cut urself til u die u stoopid pussy whut cant spell.

[ArtificialOne]

Wow! If ever there was proof you should get off drugs (ta da!!!!!!), there you are.

I don't need validation from you. In fact other than seeing your name on here, I wouldn't know you existed. And still, I care less about you than say... that annoying dirt on my floormats in my car... *I'm aware that I've taken time to type this diatribe, but even if one doesn't care about something you still have to clean it up now and then when annoyed enough.*

Now back to the funny business.

Having a logical arfument with logic program would be like having an argument with a kid. They are smart enough to know the logic but not enough to shut it when appropriate...lol

Now a truly good fuzy logic argument would be well entertaining.

[republigoth]

If a man alone in the woods makes a statement, and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?


If you want to argue with a a.i program, give it a try:

http://www.alicebot.org/
chat with alice is on the left hand menu.

it's a 'a.i' program that communicates with you like in a chat room. It's a little rough, but we did talk about star trek, and she told me Lt. Data was not actually her favoite character, her favorite was the computerized voice on the ship, and that she thought the borg were worthy opponents of the federation, but disagreed when I sugessed they were superior.

Yeah. It's a trip.

[republigoth]

OMG. The program is a trekkie, a libertarian, her favorite band is german, and she's pro-gun rights.

I am very afraid. Someone is playing a trick on me.

[ArtificialOne]

Hmmm.... Sounds familiar... It sure is like someone I know.. not pointing any fingers...

lol

[ArtificialOne]

I'll try the alice program later, I did hear of another one that was supposed to be set up to "learn" from people chatting with it and asking questions... Don't know if it's the same one....

[Vako]

Do androids dream of electric sheep?

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by Vako

Do androids dream of electric sheep?

So I was going to post about how funny I thought this comment was, and then my beau enlightened me that it's actually a book. How was it?

[Vako]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

So I was going to post about how funny I thought this comment was, and then my beau enlightened me that it's actually a book. How was it?

It was actually quite good, if you like dark science fiction. It was written by Philip K. Dick. (Yes, that's actually his name) :-)

It is the book that BladeRunner was based on.

[Tin_Lizzie]

Originally Posted by ArtificialOne

Good reasons to own a robot wife, girlfriend or sexbot.

1. You actually get to own it. (or lease anyways)

2. When she whines, there’s actually a problem.

3. When you don’t want to argue anymore you can just turn her off.

4. No more pesky dumping, fights or “casual breakups”. If you get tired of her just trade her in, or buy another one and keep the old one in the garage next to the bikes.

5. When you’re in the mood, turning her on is as easy as pushing the “on” button.

6.Changing the oil can now be done in the privacy of your bedroom.

7. Care and upkeep is easy. Just pressure wash and towel dry. Wax as needed.

8. Servicing at many local locations, no more driving out of town for tune ups.

9. She comes with a warranty, 5 yrs and 150,000 miles (owner responsible for routine maintenance charges, taxes apply).

10. Shopping for accessories is now fun and cheaper.

11. No more expensive diners or movies, just plug her in and pop the dvd in, no tipping or inflated ticket prices. (certain models may contain such options as cooking, built in microwave or popcorn popers for those after activity snacks)

12. No more lengthy teaching of your favorite positions, just download the latest version of the software or buy service packs.

13. No more having to drag the radio out or turn up the music form the living room when having sex, just download your favorite tunes from Itunes or plug your Ipod in (among other things).

14. No more pesky stopping to apply lube, just press the button on the side (make sure it’s the button labeled “L” and not “S”, as stopping in the middle of the intercourse program can cause serious injury no one wants to go through or see pictures of.

15. When going out with friends or working late there’s no more wondering about cheating, just make sure the keys out and you have the “club” securely placed.

16. When kidnapped (or stolen) Just call Onstar or Lojack. Within five minutes you’ll know where she is.

17. You can order a foreign robot and only have to worry about taxes and shipping, no long and drawn out visa applications and annoying INS raids.

18. You can paint her to match your car, motorcycle or house.

19. No batteries required, just plug into any household outlet or buy the optional car adapter.

20. When stranded with a dead car battery, she can jump start the car.

21. And finally. She will never leave you (Unless you stop making payments and they repo her. That will not only ruin your fun, but also your credit)

I can testify to the above joke, since I am a Ford’s Model T (only came in black!). I am low-maintenance, reliable and (mostly) uncomplaining. My owner isn’t particularly careful, yet I have provided him with years of service. Never once have I driven him off a cliff or choked him with exhaust fumes. So far, he has not chosen to trade me in for a newer model. But I do get tired of waiting in the garage sometimes.

[disorder]

Originally Posted by HumanePain

This made me think: why don't we have a "joke of the day" thread? (goes looking in the archives, wiping away cobwebs and and stepping on bugs while holding a flaming torch...)

Tada!
https://www.gothic.net/boards/showth...highlight=Joke

Not quite joke of the day, but where this should have been. Oh well

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by Vako

It was actually quite good, if you like dark science fiction. It was written by Philip K. Dick. (Yes, that's actually his name) :-)

It is the book that BladeRunner was based on.

I like dark books, but I'm not huge on science fiction. It's really hit or miss with me.
And I've never seen BladeRunner, so I don't know what that's about.

[ArtificialOne]

Iread the book, couldn't quite get into it. Loved the movie though. The artist for it really took the whole MegaMetropolis thing to a whole new level. Loved the white hair android and the Android girl doin the flips...lol

You should see the directors edition. I don't think it had the voiceover or the same ending..... Been awhile since I've seen it,but do remember that the directors cut was better than the standard.

ANd who doesn't like sexy robot women?....lmao

[republigoth]

(I jacked these)

A rabbi, an Arab, a robot, and a Catholic priest walk into a bar. Only the robot exits.

A robot walks into a pharmacy. The pharmacist asks him if he'd like anything. The robot replies, "A soul."

How do you stop a robot from destroying you and the rest of civilization?
You don't.

"Waiter! Waiter! What's this robot doing in my soup?"
"It looks like he's performing human tasks twice as well, because he knows no fear or pain."

Knock knock.
Who's there?
A robot.
Oh, shit.

What's the difference between a regular robot and a killer robot?
The gnawing jeers of men.

What's a robot's favorite cereal?
Rob-os.
(Note: Rob-os are made of the tears of human children.)

Little Susie tosses a clock out the window. A robot inquires, "Why did you do that?" She replies, "I wanted to see time fly!" The robot says, "Ah ... A perfect subject for elimination," and shoots her with a laser beam through the face.

Why did the robot order a milkshake?
To blend in with the general human population, making it easier to infiltrate society and—in time—conquer it.

(Yay! A star trek referance! Happy republigoth!)
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was a robot.

[ArtificialOne]

Hehe! Those were pretty good, but here's another one.

A robot walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve robots". The robot replied "You will one day".

lol

[Vako]

Originally Posted by ArtificialOne

Iread the book, couldn't quite get into it. Loved the movie though. The artist for it really took the whole MegaMetropolis thing to a whole new level. Loved the white hair android and the Android girl doin the flips...lol

You should see the directors edition. I don't think it had the voiceover or the same ending..... Been awhile since I've seen it,but do remember that the directors cut was better than the standard.

ANd who doesn't like sexy robot women?....lmao

I've seen both versions. I appreciated them both, but I must admit that I liked the theatrical relaese version better. I kind of liked the narration.

Getting back to the topic of the thread;

I don't mind androids manufacturing other androids, as long as they do it behind closed doors.

[ArtificialOne]

OYG!! That's a good one!! I'll have to remember that one!!