Offensive jokes.

[disorder]

What do you call a New Zealander with a sheep under one arm, and a goat under the other?







Bisexual

[dark_dragon_of_ice]

Originally Posted by disorder

What do you call a New Zealander with a sheep under one arm, and a goat under the other?







Bisexual

Im going to kill you.

[disorder]

Mwuahahahahhaha!

[Bella Sophia]

why bisexual? *blink*

[Madarame]

Originally Posted by disorder

What do you call a New Zealander with a sheep under one arm, and a goat under the other?







Bisexual

In a somewhat similar vein.

What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in Wales?





A leisure centre.

[Valerius]

I have a few racist jokes, so I'll take the time to clarify I am not racist by any measure.

Q. How was copper wire invented?
A. Two Jews fighting over the same penny.

***

Q. Have you heard about the Jewish sports car?
A. It stops on a dime and then picks it up.

***

Q. How do you get 50 Jews into a Vokswagen?
A. You throw a penny into it.

Q. How do you get them out?
A. Tell them Hitler's driving.

***

Q. Why do Jews have such big noses?
A. Cuz air is free!

***

Q. What's a Jew's biggest dilemma?
A. Free pork!

***

Q. What's faster than a speeding bullet?
A. A Jew with a coupon!

***

Q. Why did the Jews wander around the desert for 40 years?
A. Because someone dropped a penny!


Now on to the black jokes!

Q. Why are black men getting stronger?
A. Because TVs are getting bigger!

***

Q. What was the black kid from down the street's Christmas present?
A. Your lost bicycle

***

Q. What's the difference between Bigfoot and a hard working black man?
A. Bigfoot's been sighted.

***

Q. What do you say when you see a TV floating in the night?
A. Drop it, ******!

***

Q. What do you call a bunch of black kids playing around in a pile of dead leaves.
A. Raisin bran.

***

Q. Why do black people call white people honkies?
A. Because that's the last thing they hear before they get run over.

Here's an Asian joke that I like. xD

Q. How do you know you've been robbed by a Chinese person?
A. You get home, your homework's been done, your computer upgraded and your room tidied up but two hours later the robber's still trying to back out of your driveway.

Q. How do you fit three gay men on a bar stool?
A. You flip it over.

[Romantic Raven]

What did the Jew father say when his son asked him for twenty dollars?

"Fifteen dollars? What do you need ten dollars for?"

[††BlackRose††]

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

''Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''

[AngelikDemonik]

Here are two of mine...these are pretty bad, so I'm sorry if anyone gets hurt...You know I loves you.

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?







The pizza doesn't scream when it's in an oven.









What's the difference between a Black person and a bicycle?







The bicycle doesn't sing when you put a chain it.


I told ya they were mean =X

[JCC]

Meh, if a joke is told right, it isn't offensive.

Here's one that I still find quite offensive, but is still rather funny.

Q. What do you get if you shoot a black guy on a bicycle?

A. Your bike back.

[dark_dragon_of_ice]

Originally Posted by ~Sekhmet~

A jew I know doesn't have balls and he smells hebrew and he has an ugly mother who doesn't bathe and his dog fucks his cat and they had mutant jew animal babies

My boyfriend came up with this...

As being partly Jewish.. The other jokes were funny but I have no idea what the hell im meant to laugh at here..

[dark_dragon_of_ice]

But seriously what was the joke?

[AngelikDemonik]

I like kitties.

[KontanKarite]

I think Sekhmet was saying one of those jokes that just sound blatantly mean. They're more or less meant to be purely offensive.

[Cen0bite]

Originally Posted by Valerius

Q. How do you fit three gay men on a bar stool?
A. You flip it over.

AHAHA! that was great.

[dark_dragon_of_ice]

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

I think Sekhmet was saying one of those jokes that just sound blatantly mean. They're more or less meant to be purely offensive.

Ok.. I was just under the impression that a joke is funny in some way.

[HellforgedX]

I do believe Sekky was trying to be an ass and not tell any joke at all. Like this, for instance:
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Go fuck yourself.

An actual joke (no matter how bad) would have sounded something like this:
Q: What do you call a black guy flying an airplane?
A: A pilot, you racist bastard!

or this:
Q: What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told the bitch twice.

Here's another good one I like:
A guy gets propositioned by a hooker. He asks "How much for a handjob?"
"$100," the hooker says.
"$100?!? Why so expensive?" the guy asks.
The hooker points to a Mercedes parked on the other side of the street. "See that car over there? I'm so good, I bought that with all the money I made on handjobs."
"Ok, so how much for a blowjob?" the guy inquires.
"$500," replies the whore.
"Why so much for a blowjob?!?" askes the john.
The whore points to a fancy restaurant that caters to the mafia. "See that restaurant? I own the whole thing, and I bought it with the money from my blowjob work."
The guy thinks about it, and decides that if he's spending so much for a blowjob, he might as well find out how much a fuck would cost him. He asks the whore and she says "$1500. you gonna pay or what?"
"And just how good are you? I won't drop $1500 on just anything!"
The whore points out across the water to the island of Manhattan. "See that island out there?"
Flabbergasted, the guy's jaw drops. "You mean to tell me that you're SO good at fucking, that people have paid you enough money that you bought the entire Manhattan island?!?"
The hooker gets a sad look on her face. "Well, I would own it...













...if I had a pussy..."

[HumanePain]

Originally Posted by AngelikDemonik

I like kitties.

I do too. With barbecue sauce. Mmmmm, kitties!

Actually I love Siamese and Burmese cats.

"The trouble with a kitten is THAT
eventually it becomes a CAT"

-unknown

[KontanKarite]

Originally Posted by dark_dragon_of_ice

Ok.. I was just under the impression that a joke is funny in some way.

It kinda is, so long as you let it. I mean, it's so dumb it's nearly funny.

[Valerius]

Originally Posted by Cen0bite

AHAHA! that was great.

Like that? I have a couple more.

Three gay men were sitting in a jacuzzi when all of a sudden a condom floats to the surface. Seeing this one of them goes, 'Alright! Who the hell farted???'

***

Q. How do you know you're at a gay picnic?
A. All the hotdogs taste like shit.

***

Q. What does one gay guy say to another gay guy fixing his suitcase?
A. Want me to pack your shit?

***

Q. What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy?
A. The fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

***

Q. How do you know you're at a gay church?
A. Only half the congregation kneels to pray!

[Lapin]

In an effort to promote diversity in the community, the three major religious leaders go fishing; a high priestess of the local pagans, a rabbi, and a Protestant pastor.

The priestess and the rabbi are getting on fine, but the pastor is pissed that he has to share a boat with these heathens.

After a time, the rabbi stands and says "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." He steps out of the boat and walks the twenty meters back to shore. The pastor is in shock, and is still speechless when the rabbi returns, but soon starts to seethe. How could a heathen walk on water?

After another bit of time, the priestess excuses herself to use the bathroom as well, and also walks across the water.

After she returns, the pastor stand abruptly, angry that such heathens could dare imitate such an act and declares he will prove that his religion is best. He steps off the boat, falls into the lake, refuses to be rescued and swims to shore to sulk the rest of the day.

"Do you think he knew about the jetty? It is covered when the water is high." The rabbi expressed his concern to the priestess. The priestess scrunched up her face, looked confused, and said: "What jetty?"

[Madarame]

Theres a Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani on a train, the Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka, drinks a bit and throws the rest off the train and says 'theres plenty more of that where i come from'.
The others are impressed so the Cuban takes out one of the finest havana cigars, takes one puff and throws it off the train and says 'theres plenty more of those where i come from'.
Again everyone is rather impressed so the Englishman stands up and throws the Pakistani off the train.....