Superior Advice Courtesy of Gothicus Maximus

[JCC]

Dear Gothicus,

People seem to be assuming that to ask for advice, you ask a closed question. How can I rectify this mistake on their part?

[beauismyhorse]

Dear Gothicus,

What is your opinion on Habbo Hotel?

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by JCC

Dear Gothicus,

People seem to be assuming that to ask for advice, you ask a closed question. How can I rectify this mistake on their part?

Dear JCC,

This, sadly, is a hopeless cause. I attempted to make the distinction between 'requests for advice' and 'questions to which the answer is either yes or no' clear on several occasions, at first subtly, and later more forthrightly. I suppose to expect that the teeming masses would comprehend these obviously different concepts as such was an act of excessive generosity on my part, or perhaps the proles of gnet are just so fascinated with me that they would rather hear 'what I think about stuff' than see their personal dilemmas resolved.

Disenchanted,

Gothicus Maximus

Originally Posted by Wednesday Friday Addams

Did KFC pay you for putting it in your avatar?

Dear Wednesday Friday Addams,

On the contrary, that image is my humble attempt to compensate KFC for its seminal role in shaping me into the man I am today.

Running out of ideas for farewells,

Originally Posted by Metabolik

Gothicus Maximus

I got one for ya...of all the people you've insulted...would you honestly say it to their faces? other than your little chair at home where if you get caught out you can snuggle into a tiny ball in the cornor of your room?

Dear Metabolik,

Get caught? Saying mean things to people on the internet? Caught by who? The mean police? As usual, I do not understand what the hell you are talking about, and not solely because you lack any comprehension of spelling and grammar. In light of this, and because I feel as though I'm cheating you by answering your question with a single word (that word being "Yes"), I will offer you some counsel on how to speak. "Cornor" is actually spelled "corner". The 'of' in your first "sentence" is there for no discernible reason. The 'other' at the beginning of your second "sentence" also makes no sense- even if its replaced with 'rather', which I assume you meant to write, you're still suggesting that at present I say mean things to 'my little chair at home' (which FYI, is a big chair) instead of to people's face.

Good luck becoming marginally competent in the practice of vital skills that all functional human beings have mastered,

Gothicus Maximus

Originally Posted by beauismyhorse

Dear Gothicus,

What is your opinion on Habbo Hotel?

Dear beauismyhorse,

I heard the establishment in question had recently experienced some calamity that had caused their swimming hole to be shut down-- something involving a virulent disease of some sort, if I recall.

LOL/B/,

Gothicus Maximus

[DarkenedReveries]

Dear Mr. Gothicus Maximus,

My good sir, when do you believe that the world is going to end? Will it end in fire, or in ice? Also, what exactly is going to happen, if anything, when the thirteenth b'ak'tun cycle is completed?

Thoroughly intruiged,
DarkenedReveries

[GothicChristian]

Gothicus, you're witty, intelligent, and generally awesome; this leads me to my question: are you gay, as in homosexual? I must ask this because every time I find a male as witty as yourself or, even, myself, they turn out to be madly in love with my brother. Please assure me that there is some hope of me finding an intelligent, straight male to, perhaps, date.

With love, hopefulness, and adoration,
GC

[XxBloodyrosexX]

Gothicus, where were you all my life? and where are you now? will I ever see you all great and hot one? `swoon~ btw im a grl

[XxBloodyrosexX]

Originally Posted by DarkenedReveries

Dear Mr. Gothicus Maximus,

My good sir, when do you believe that the world is going to end? Will it end in fire, or in ice? Also, what exactly is going to happen, if anything, when the thirteenth b'ak'tun cycle is completed?

Thoroughly intruiged,
DarkenedReveries

Someone likes Robert Frost. Oh great smart one, do you like poetry? do you write it. if so please grace us with your wonderful prose! and blackdaydreams or whatever, do you feel more desire or hate in this world. find your own answer.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by DarkenedReveries

Dear Mr. Gothicus Maximus,

My good sir, when do you believe that the world is going to end? Will it end in fire, or in ice? Also, what exactly is going to happen, if anything, when the thirteenth b'ak'tun cycle is completed?

Thoroughly intruiged,
DarkenedReveries

Dear DarkenedReveries,

I confess I have not yet come to a decision as to when and by what means I will at last bring this world to its end. As I am at present a mere 30 million years young and am, for the most part, enjoying life, you can rest assured that armageddon is far from imminent, and as not even the Mayans imagined a cataclysm at the end of their cycle, I see no reason why we should do so. When I do unleash the breadth of my fury upon this planet, however, intend to do so through a medium somewhat more innovative than fire or ice. In my casual ruminations on the subject I have managed to narrow the possibilities down to these three:

Milk
Wolverines
Elastic Plastic

Behold a pale horse,

Gothicus Maxmus

Originally Posted by GothicChristian

Gothicus Maximus

Gothicus, you're witty, intelligent, and generally awesome; this leads me to my question: are you gay, as in homosexual? I must ask this because every time I find a male as witty as yourself or, even, myself, they turn out to be madly in love with my brother. Please assure me that there is some hope of me finding an intelligent, straight male to, perhaps, date.

With love, hopefulness, and adoration,
GC

Dear Gothic Christian,

I am 100% pure, fresh squeezed Long Island straight, as in heterosexual. I can assure you, furthermore, that I harbor no extraordinary feelings toward your brother.

With affection and general indifference,

Gothicus Maximus

Originally Posted by XxBloodyrosexX

Gothicus, where were you all my life? and where are you now? will I ever see you all great and hot one? `swoon~ btw im a grl

Dear XxBloodyrosexX,

Around. Right here. Maybe.

Good luck being a grl,

Gothicus Maximus

[honeythorn]

I would like apocalypse by milk if that's ok? ( strawberry flavour would be lovely )

[DarkenedReveries]

Originally Posted by XxBloodyrosexX

Someone likes Robert Frost. Oh great smart one, do you like poetry? do you write it. if so please grace us with your wonderful prose! and blackdaydreams or whatever, do you feel more desire or hate in this world. find your own answer.

Hm... such blatant and laughable hostility. Whatever for? (Just so you know, questions, as I and the rest of the world know them, end in question marks. The first letter in a sentence also requires capitalization for others to even consider taking your words seriously.)

[XxBloodyrosexX]

if i ended my questions w/ ? will i sound betr? no need 2 b hostl here. im using txt speak lol! (dude or dudette I'm a teen, on the webrnet, correct english needed?) btw u sound like a lang. arts teacher.. lol ^^ jk! lovya! & GM! =P personely 9 im a bad spellr 2!) i hold w/ those who favor ice! U?

[Underwater Ophelia]

...what the fuck?
Even if that was typed out properly, it would make NO fucking sense.

[twink]

gothicusmaximus -
What do I need to do to get the promotion at work that I deserve?

[TheBloodEternity]

Originally Posted by XxBloodyrosexX

if i ended my questions w/ ? will i sound betr? no need 2 b hostl here. im using txt speak lol! (dude or dudette I'm a teen, on the webrnet, correct english needed?) btw u sound like a lang. arts teacher.. lol ^^ jk! lovya! & GM! =P personely 9 im a bad spellr 2!) i hold w/ those who favor ice! U?

Well we're all using correct english here, including me whom "dude or dudette" is also a teen. So expect us to get just a little annoyed by your unintelligible 'txt speak.' I had to read through that three times to understand you.
EDIT: Wait....wtf why were you talking like that? Even the way you were talking before that post, still kind of hard to take you seriously.....Especially with the unnecessary hostility.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by TheBloodEternity

Well we're all using correct english here, including me whom "dude or dudette" is also a teen. So expect us to get just a little annoyed by your unintelligible 'txt speak.' I had to read through that three times to understand you.
EDIT: Wait....wtf why were you talking like that? Even the way you were talking before that post, still kind of hard to take you seriously.....Especially with the unnecessary hostility.

Except you, apparently.

[TheBloodEternity]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

Except you, apparently.

Oh...could you correct my mistakes please.
At least I'm trying....and I didn't respond to you with what they wrote.
EDIT: I didn't capitalize the E in English?

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by TheBloodEternity

Oh...could you correct my mistakes please.
At least I'm trying....and I didn't respond to you with what they wrote.
EDIT: I didn't capitalize the E in English?

There was more. Poor syntax, and I think some words misused.

[Godslayer Jillian]

Dear GothicusMaximus.
I have grown slightly bored of the people I know in my city. Can you provide me with a list of ideas of where and how to meet new girls, age ranging from jailbait to twenty two?

[Underwater Ophelia]

Coffeehouses.

[MollyMac]

Church.


*snicker*

[gothicusmaximus]

Fuck, you assholes had to resurrect this thread, didn't you? You're damn lucky my word is, for the most part, my bond.

Originally Posted by twink

gothicusmaximus -
What do I need to do to get the promotion at work that I deserve?

Dear twink,

Climbing the chain of command in the workplace is an easy task for those who are truly efficient in doing whatever they do. First, approach your boss, in a in an expressively non-confrontational fashion, and voice your desire for a higher position. If he or she remains reluctant to grant your request, deliver an ultimatum, declaring that you will quit if you are not accomodated immediately. If your employer still refuses you a bump up the ladder, I guess you weren't as indispensible as you thought you were, huh?

A working class hero is something to be,

Gothicus Maximus

P.S. To secure a promotion you don't deserve, try blackmail!

Dear GothicusMaximus.
I have grown slightly bored of the people I know in my city. Can you provide me with a list of ideas of where and how to meet new girls, age ranging from jailbait to twenty two?

Dear Godslayer Jillian,

I admit I'm a bit inexperienced in this area, as I've never had to actually try to meet women before. Nevertheless, I will attempt to render assistance.
Bars and clubs are of course an old standby, as are loft parties and the student union at your local university. Ride the subway back and forth in the evening, and you're bound to find a single woman whose inhibitions are somewhat suspended. The dojo, and to a far greater extent the gun club, can be a great place to meet recently jilted lovers looking for a hot rebound.

Till Lethe quench life's burning steam,

Gothicus Maximus

[Godslayer Jillian]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

Fuck, you assholes had to resurrect this thread, didn't you?

Come on, this thread is awesome.
You read it and you know exactly where most Gnetters stand:
The smart ones that like you.
And the geeky ones that can't stand you for having a life.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Godslayer Jillian

Come on, this thread is awesome.
You read it and you know exactly where most Gnetters stand:
The smart ones that like you.
And the geeky ones that can't stand you for having a life.

My favorite of all the insults ever leveled against me in the course of my time on these boards remains Chazz' "YOU DON'T POST HERE ENOUGH".

[Lapin]

Dear Gothicus,

When I went on my hiatus, you were pleasant and kind of funny.

Upon my return, I find you waged in one-sided battle with people. Could you please give me a summary of the events that led to this?

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Lapin

Dear Gothicus,

When I went on my hiatus, you were pleasant and kind of funny.

Upon my return, I find you waged in one-sided battle with people. Could you please give me a summary of the events that led to this?

Dear Lapin,

No more than I can provide a summary of the events that lead to the great war between mankind and the mole people, because I can't for the life of me understand what you're talking about. Are you perhaps referring to the panoply of "Who's sexier, Gothicus or (other gnet member)?" threads? I suppose those contests are quite one-sided.

Sexily yours,

Gothicus Maximus