Gothic.net News Horror Gothic Lifestyle Fiction Movies Books and Literature Dark TV VIP Horror Professionals Professional Writing Tips Links Gothic Forum




Go Back   Gothic.net Community > Boards > Literature
Register Blogs FAQ Community Calendar Today's Posts Search

Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 09-20-2009, 06:28 AM   #1
Sendo
 
Sendo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In a desert place
Posts: 196
Another poem

The assignment was to make a poem based on the "eclectic" style of the poem "The Forgotten Dialect of the Heart" by Jack Gilbert, which is worth a read.

***

Untitled

Broken hearts understand our words,
They share sorrow with the quiet shadows
Of horses standing in a meadow.
My love is becoming hoarse,
A voice almost non-existent in the halls of me.

Touch is what my body wants from your body,
But touch is not quite enough.
Rough waves crashing against rougher waves is our touch,
Our lack of it, a puddle on the concrete.

You have clover eyes and I wooden hair,
But even in the corset of fear of neglect
Geometric puzzles are formed from our love.
If I scream from the laces becoming too tight,
Cock the ear of a paper crane and listen,
To my love roaring like a starved lion in a cage.

Maybe one day we will once again dance like dragon flies,
Or cry a crocodile’s tears,
For I can only speak through the words I write,
And your written word is useless, but your voice
Holds tight to the cartilage of my ear.
For now we might be lovers of gone and has been,
But Future may hold another story,
A fable pressed against her pregnant gut.
Sendo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2009, 06:48 AM   #2
Lord Soth
 
Lord Soth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: America
Posts: 34
Gripping, nice job
Lord Soth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2009, 10:48 AM   #3
sibyl vane.
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 123
It needs to be more economical. You spell it out for the reader too much imo.
sibyl vane. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2009, 01:31 PM   #4
Lord Soth
 
Lord Soth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: America
Posts: 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by sibyl vane. View Post
It needs to be more economical. You spell it out for the reader too much imo.
One of the reason's I liked it lol
Lord Soth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2009, 02:04 PM   #5
Sendo
 
Sendo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In a desert place
Posts: 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by sibyl vane. View Post
It needs to be more economical. You spell it out for the reader too much imo.
And how would I make it more "economical"?
Sendo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2009, 06:24 AM   #6
creature6
 
creature6's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Hell Hall
Posts: 1,167
Blog Entries: 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by sibyl vane. View Post
It needs to be more economical. You spell it out for the reader too much imo.

i totally disagree ,i think it's good .
There is no need to change anything.
It's perfect as it's.
__________________
"While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die."
-Leonardo Da Vinci
creature6 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2009, 05:58 PM   #7
ricapsad
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 1
Does anyone have the text for a couple of poems that appeared in Weird Tales of the 1930's? I'm looking for Lycanthropus by C Edgar Biden from August/September 1936 and Ballad of the Wolf by Henry Kuttner from June 1936. Also, be interested in Psychopompos by Lovecraft, although I do believe he did have his Collected Poems published in 1963. It's for an anthology of classic poems inspired by the supernatural. Many thanks. Howard


__________________
Articles of incorporation online | How to incorportate a company yourself? | Why incorporating business small services llc
ricapsad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2009, 07:46 PM   #8
HumanePain
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: the concrete and steel beehive of Southern California
Posts: 7,449
Blog Entries: 4
I love the way you make it work on different levels:
horses and hoarse subconsciously reminding the reader of whore,
the phallic penetration of "Cock the ear" and it holding tight, and then its result a Future's pregnant gut, excellent! Well expressed sensuality!
__________________
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKm_wA-WdI4
Charlie Chaplin The Greatest Speech in History


HumanePain is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:54 AM.