Rant Thread II

[Renatus]

Originally Posted by Solumina

Our relationship has pretty much been open since it started, we both figured that while we seemed like a really good match we were at a point in our lives (freshman year in university) where we felt that it was important to explore and experiment and it has worked quite well for us so we have kept the relationship open, there are a few rules but basically what it boils down to is that we are both okay with the other pursuing physical attractions and desires.

Also Odysseus's relationship was only open on the one side, he got to bang lots of chicks out on his adventure while his wife was at home fending off the advances of her suitors.

I was actually referring more to what he did when he got home.

[Fruitbat]

Originally Posted by MissCheyenne

That's awful Sol. I hope you told them where to stick their 'comfort'. Some people are such dicks.

Hope things turn around for you soon Ape and Fruitbat.

Thanks babe.


Back applying for jobs again. I hate it! This time I have to get childcare which is crazy impossible to get places for...

On the upside, I won't have any time to piss around on g.net...

[Solumina]

I cannot go to a bar alone, I attract far too many creepers, even when I'm completely atrocious because I just spent the last 9 hours at work so I look awful and I smell like a mixture of stale air, chlorine, and a bit of sweat. Thankfully after a little bit their bouncer dude kind of took up a spot by the kitchen (I had wisely decided to take the table closest to the kitchen, mainly because that would give me the best view of the room) and gave the stink eye to discourage a couple of sketchy dudes.

I just wanted to drink my drink (pro-tip don't drink half of your long island before your food comes, especially if you haven't eaten in about 10 hours), eat my food, and watch Sports Center, fuck off with your shitty pickup lines about how I'm too pretty to eat alone, mother fucker I WANT to be alone!

[Solumina]

Fuuuuuuuck me I stayed up past 5:00 am again, this is like the 8th time in the past two weeks, I need to cut this shit out.

[Apathy's_Child]

So, having started to emerge out the other end of the “She’s gone and she doesn’t want you back, get over it brah” tunnel, I’ve been propositioned by someone else. This is a girl I’ve known for like five years now, who has become one of my best friends in recent years, and who I fucking love.

We always kind of sparked, but we were never single at the same time (I’d been with the same girl since I was 19, right up until a few months ago, and she’s had various boyfriends going on although she’s not currently attached). You know how sometimes you have friends of whatever sex you’re attracted to, but that shit never really enters your mind ‘cause they’re just your bud - then you have those others where you spark enough to know that if you were single at the same time, something would definitely happen? She would fall hard into the latter camp. There was never a single moment when we were attached to others where we would have done anything, despite the many, many nights we’ve spent alone drunk out of our minds. We were with other people, so it wasn’t like that to the point where we would’ve actually done anything. But we both knew, and always joked about the fact, that if we’d met at a different time in our lives uglies would’ve gotten bumped to SHIT.

I’ve been single for a few months now and am feeling a lot less fragile about it, and I know this friend would be interested in taking that it bedways if I made the move. I’m not just being a hubristic asshole – she basically told me, indicating that we could just go on as friends if I wanted, but essentially, she’d be game if I were. And I kind of think I am – she’s awesome and love her – mostly in a like-I-love-my-buds kind of way as a matter of circumstance up until recently, but like I said, even though we knew nothing would happen, there’s always been that extra dimension of “if” that makes me think it might not be a bad idea. But THEN I start wondering if I’m just complicating a friendship I value, for the sake of the itch. Having witnessed friends not work out, I’m wondering if “don’t shit where you eat” would be the best maxim for both of us.

To actually BE a hubristic asshole for a moment, neither of us are exactly short on offers. Which seems to suggest that if we’re awesome as friends, then maybe it’s stupid to complicate that shit for the sake of scratching itches we could both get scratched elsewhere without any drama. Then I think, but, but, she loves comics and awesome music and John Waters and Gasper Noe and the Modernists and most of the things I love, and we get on and we laugh our heads off at each other and we’re completely at ease in each other’s company, both know each other’s faults inside out and still like each other immeasurably. Which in turn, kind of seems like a stupid reason NOT to fuck someone. That kind of relationship takes work, and years, AND compatibility to establish, so it seems kind of dumb to walk away from... pretty much the exact thing you’d be looking for with someone else.

Then I return to the itch, and the cycle starts all over again.

[Versus]

Stop making me feel like a loser.

[Apathy's_Child]

After that emo post, YOU feel like a loser? I'm practically sprouting a vagina here.

[Solumina]

Stop being such a pussy about it and fucking go for it. You guys are such good friends and you have already admitted to mutual attraction so they only way this would go badly is if one of you does something really awful, even if things don't work out as long as you two are honest as soon as you realize the relationship just isn't a good match (because sometimes the things we love about friends annoy us about a significant other, that's just the way it works) then you can go right back to being friends, or perhaps with a couple of days/weeks off just to kind of move past things.

I know this last girl really did a number on you but it is completely possible to be amazingly close friends with an ex, you just need mutual respect and a modicum of emotional maturity (just enough to realize that if a relationship isn't working that doesn't mean you have to hate the other person), everything you have said about her shows that you two do have the kind of friendship that wouldn't end just because you don't work well as a couple.

If you still aren't convinced think of it this way: If you don't give this a try you are going to be wondering for pretty much the rest of your existence if you missed out on the best girlfriend you could ever hope to have, which will not only leave you regretting your decision but will also color any other relationships that you have as you will be comparing them to what you imagine this relationship would be, you may do this on a conscious level or it may be kind of in the back of your mind but you will do it and it will make you miserable. On the other hand if you do give it a shot all you risk is a very slim chance of you two not being so close for a little while.

So really you would be accepting a very good chance of fucking up all future relationships in exchange for avoiding an extremely small chance of temporary putting one friendship on hold. If somehow you two trying this out does end your friendship I will personally fly out there, buy you a beer, and fuck you til you feel better.

Now man the fuck up and give yourself a shot at a happy, healthy, exceptionally awesome relationship.

[CuckooTuli]

The way I see it, how you proceed depends on why you feel hesitant to begin with. If it’s purely that you’re worried about jeopardizing the friendship, then Solumina is right – just accept that that’s the risk you take, and take it, because the potential gain is worth it. You say yourself that what’s between you and this girl is what you’d be looking for from future partners in general; if you like her enough that she’s setting the bar for what you want, that’s a pretty compelling reason to give it a go.

But if the reason you’re hesitant is because you’re not ready to get involved with someone else after what was, let’s face it, a pretty rough break-up, that’s different. This, unlike the above, is a good reason to put the brakes on until you’re feeling ready to really jump in. If you’re uncertain of how you feel right now, then not wanting to mess her around is a valid concern; rebounding is natural, but rebounding onto a friend could get complicated.

Even if that were the case, though, it wouldn’t have to mean never. It sounds like she likes you enough to wait until you’ve got your shit figured out. And it also sounds like your friendship is solid enough to weather it if it’s a no. So my advice would be just chill, take your time, and decide if this is something you feel up to getting into.

[Saya]

Wait, is this a friends with benefits thing only or is a relationship on the table at all?

With just sex, if one of you feels like it should be more it could be messy. If its a relationship I'd say go for it, although at the same time YOU HAVENT BEEN SINGLE SINCE YOU WERE 19 ENJOY THIS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED AND SPAWN AND LOOK BACK AND REALIZE YOU WASTED YOUR YOUTH.

I mean, feeling absolutely secure with being single I think is vital to going on to having good relationships. It hurts to see people jumping into things just because they don't like to be alone.

[Fruitbat]

Apathy, ask yourself the big questions.... Do you want to get into another relationship and how serious a relationship do you want?

What does your gut tell you? If it's right, you'll feel it. She'll make you feel all kinds of special when you are feeling like shit....and more importantly your dog will love her to pieces :-D

My next question is - if it doesn't work, or you don't get together with her, are you going to regret it.

If I were in your shoes, I'd jump right in... but I'd probably do it a little slowly... nah to hell with it, I'd just jump in boots and all....

All the best dude. Whatever decision you make, it's the right one.

[Versus]

I fucking hate tanks.

[Apathy's_Child]

Cuckoo - the fact that there's been an attraction between us for years makes me 100% certain it wouldn't JUST be a rebound deal, but you've pretty much hit the nail on the head with the whole not wanting to screw her around thing. Although I'm feeling a lot more ready to move on of late, I'd be lying if I said it weren't still pretty raw, which makes me wonder if it's fair to be getting involved with someone else yet. Which, I guess, means I've pretty much answered my own question.

Saya - it was offered as a "Hey, so we're FINALLY both single - let's fuck" deal. But we've lived together in the past as roommates (and were actually talking about doing so again just a couple of weeks ago, since we've both been wanting to move nearer work for a while), we know each other's families pretty well, and already see each other three or four times a week. On that basis, provided things didn't go horribly wrong within the first few weeks I could see us falling into a full-on relationship pretty quickly and naturally. Which, again, could be good or bad, depending which way you slice it.

While I don't really hate being single for the fact of being alone (frankly, getting the place to myself since the break-up has been waaayyy more of a problem than finding company, due to the half-touching & half-annoying collusion of my friends & my roommate in making sure I don't just turn waster again), I'd honestly have to say once you subtract the I-love-her-she-broke-my-soul-waaah element of it, the worst part is the lack of sex. I slept with a girl a few weeks ago but honestly, it was pretty shitty - aside from the fact that I have fetishes coming out my ears & and am easily bored by the whole vanilla thing, I have to like someone quite a lot to want to sleep with them. Which, aside from making me the emoest emo in town, actually really limits the sex opps. In a way I kind of wish I could just go out and fuck around like I see a few of my friends doing, but the truth is that the last time I actually enjoyed doing that was when I was enough of a dumbass kid that sex was still a novelty, and even a bad lay bumped up yr numbers. No longer being a teenage dickweed kind of killed that for me.

Fruitbat: Sax is useless in these situations, being a shameless whore who loves pretty much everyone he meets.

Anyway, I guess I'll give it some time - maybe until I can go a solid 2 weeks without welling up watching Disney movies with my nieces & nephews (fuck you, Evangeline from The Frog-Prince. Fuck you & yr shit). Thanks for the input, guys.

[Solumina]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

Anyway, I guess I'll give it some time - maybe until I can go a solid 2 weeks without welling up watching Disney movies with my nieces & nephews (fuck you, Evangeline from The Frog-Prince. Fuck you & yr shit). Thanks for the input, guys.

Awww AC you really are the emoest emo kid, that is so adorable. If it makes you feel any better Jacob gets a little misty eyed just hearing certain Disney songs.

It looks like you've kind of figured things out for yourself. If the thought of nit being too soon to start another relationship enters your mind then there is a pretty high chance that you need some more time to yourself. Be honest with this girl that you would be interested but that you need to get over your ex first.

[CuckooTuli]

You cried at The Princess and the Frog? Jesus rollerblading Christ, you really are in a bad way. I mean, Up, The Girl in the Fireplace, Wallace from The Wire - those I get. Those just mean you're not like secretly a Terminator or anything. But The Princess and the Frog? That just makes me want to give you hug and make you a sammich.

I think you're doing the right thing. If you guys weren't so close, it wouldn't really matter so much if anything went wrong; but since you're sure that you want her in your life whether as a friend or, potentially, a girlfriend, it's worth holding out until you know for a fact that you're not going to start weeping over your ex in the middle of a date or anything.

[Apathy's_Child]

Thanks, Sol. Both for the advice AND the promise of cumfort if shit goes south. Although, really, promise is kind of a blasé way of viewing it. Really, I see that shit as more of a contract, y'know? As my niece puts it, only poopie-heads break promises. Out of the mouths of babes.

Originally Posted by CuckooTuli

You cried at The Princess and the Frog? Jesus rollerblading Christ, you really are in a bad way. I mean, Up, The Girl in the Fireplace, Wallace from The Wire - those I get. Those just mean you're not like secretly a Terminator or anything. But The Princess and the Frog? That just makes me want to give you hug and make you a sammich.

Pastrami plz. [sniffle]

Seriously. There are few things more demeaning than being comforted by under-7s, in a way that doesn't involve YOU indulging THEM. And I make that assertion as someone who's slept in his own vomit more than once.

[Fruitbat]

Originally Posted by CuckooTuli

I think you're doing the right thing. If you guys weren't so close, it wouldn't really matter so much if anything went wrong; but since you're sure that you want her in your life whether as a friend or, potentially, a girlfriend, it's worth holding out until you know for a fact that you're not going to start weeping over your ex in the middle of a date or anything.

^this... and dogs are such attention sluts...

Yep the lack of sex is difficult dude but you need to find yourself again after your last long term relationship, then you can go into a new relationship having a clear mind and know what you want...

Try to think about something else apart from sex... then when you've mastered it you can tell us all how to do it. Write romance novels or erotica or something - get it out of your system that way maybe?

[Apathy's_Child]

Well, I'm not gonna start seeing mirages of Johnny Knoxville from A Dirty Shame just yet or anything. Just wish I could separate sex from other stuff & envy the friends I see falling into them with easy enthusiasm, is all. They seem to stagger off into one-night stands and come around all buzzing and up the next day, whereas mine just left me underwhelmed & vaguely depressed. And honestly, I don't think it's just a post-break-up thing. I was starting to feel that way about them around the time I first got with my ex.

Edit: And, to complete the cycle of woe, it's now apparent that I have become one of those people who overshares about their sex & personal life online. Neato.

[Cannon]

Desktop has the beep illness.
Three beeps; meaning there's something wrong with my display features. It starts up, but no monitor display whatsoever. I plugged everything out and back in, even checked out my memory sticks and everything.
I didn't turn it back on since I unplugged everything. I really don't want to discover something's wrong with my mobo. Today was already screwed up enough.
Never want a repeat of this day again.

[Fruitbat]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

Well, I'm not gonna start seeing mirages of Johnny Knoxville from A Dirty Shame just yet or anything. Just wish I could separate sex from other stuff & envy the friends I see falling into them with easy enthusiasm, is all. They seem to stagger off into one-night stands and come around all buzzing and up the next day, whereas mine just left me underwhelmed & vaguely depressed. And honestly, I don't think it's just a post-break-up thing. I was starting to feel that way about them around the time I first got with my ex.

Edit: And, to complete the cycle of woe, it's now apparent that I have become one of those people who overshares about their sex & personal life online. Neato.

Maybe your friends are faking the buzz?? Plus I think it's a maturity thing as well - as you get older your focus shifts and your interests change and before you know it what you liked when you were younger, doesn't do it for you when you get older.

Oh and no, you aren't oversharing dude. It's just what is bothering you at the moment, and when you get it off your chest, you'll feel better.

If you want to PM me to just rant a bit, or whatever feel free.

[Solumina]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

it's now apparent that I have become one of those people who overshares about their sex & personal life online. Neato.

There are people who don't? I always kind of figured that people who don't talk about their sex and personal life online are either ashamed or are just really fucking boring and actually have no personal life to share.


Also I never break a promise

[Saya]

I spilled water on my laptop and now my keyboard won't work

[Solumina]

Maybe it will start working again if it dries out. Put it in some rice overnight, that at least seems to work for phones so I would think it would also work with a laptop.

[Saya]

Originally Posted by Solumina

Maybe it will start working again if it dries out. Put it in some rice overnight, that at least seems to work for phones so I would think it would also work with a laptop.

this happened 3 days ago, ain't gonna get much drier.

[Solumina]

Oh...damn, in that case I have no advice to offer, only my sympathy.