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| Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books. |
08-10-2009, 06:31 AM
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#1
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Zagreb, Croatia
Posts: 52
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A poetry try...
There, a try of a teenage girl to become a poet. You know what you can expect.
About time:
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Light to darkness
Iron to rust
Cities lay in ruins
Empires fall
Great names will be forgotten by all
About love:
A rose that bleeds
A heart that needs
A little love
To stay above
All of the fears
To stop the tears
To make it feel
That something's real
That tomorrow's worth living
Something to be recieving
When all else is gone
Any advice?
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08-15-2009, 05:48 AM
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#2
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: NY, Sleep...
Posts: 246
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Wow I like your love poem a lot. The beginning of the first one sounded quite familiar but, with a twist xD.
Awesome!
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08-20-2009, 01:22 AM
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#3
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: somewhere, take a guess?
Posts: 14
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hey, i enjoyed them. I thought you were going to say a spell at first but you proved me wrong.
Your poems are just right. Sometimes short is good!
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08-25-2009, 09:14 PM
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#4
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 113
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miserable crap.... u deserve to spend your days alone..
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08-26-2009, 12:33 AM
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#5
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: NY, Sleep...
Posts: 246
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skateboard pro
miserable crap.... u deserve to spend your days alone..
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Wallow in despair.
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08-26-2009, 01:38 AM
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#6
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Thou Viking capital Denmark.
Posts: 1,971
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I utterly love your poem about time. No other words can cover it.
I hope you don't mind me quoting it in my signature?
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08-26-2009, 07:34 AM
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#7
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Earth.
Posts: 8,001
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The first stanza isn't terrible, but there's nothing remarkable about it, and it reads like a child's playground rhyme.
The second stanza is 100% cliche and uninspired.
Remember, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Everyone starts somewhere.
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08-26-2009, 07:42 AM
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#8
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Thou Viking capital Denmark.
Posts: 1,971
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Well, I have actually been pondering the time one all day, and I have a suggestion =) instead of "Great names" I would say "The greatest names"
But that may just be a question of preferances =)
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08-26-2009, 08:11 AM
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#9
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: a small unknown town in West Virginia, US
Posts: 36
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They weren't horrible. The first ones beginning kind of turned me off from it, but the second wasn't bad.
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08-26-2009, 08:22 AM
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#10
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: victoria british columbia
Posts: 112
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I don't like rhyming poetry but for a rhyming poem I really liked it...you have some very beautiful imagery!!! especially the ruins, rust you should definitly try different kinds of poetry!
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10-09-2009, 06:17 AM
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#11
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Zagreb, Croatia
Posts: 52
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anarasha
I utterly love your poem about time. No other words can cover it.
I hope you don't mind me quoting it in my signature?
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Oh... Not here often... I don't mind if you quote it as a signature. Sorry for not responding earlier.
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10-09-2009, 09:50 AM
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#12
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Thou Viking capital Denmark.
Posts: 1,971
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I did actually do so for a short amount of time, but when my signature took up a lot of space that way, I changed it =)
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10-09-2009, 01:16 PM
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#13
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Sugar Hill
Posts: 3,887
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Hey! Skateboard Pro is back! Hi Skateboard Pro!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by KontanKarite
I promote radical change through my actions.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger
I have chugged more than ten epic boners.
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11-07-2009, 09:23 AM
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#14
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: earth i don't know about you
Posts: 59
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here is one I wrote
It was all over with just one THRUST wish is to well as burn is to hell ashes to ashes dust to dust so stab me in the heart if you must
Quote:
Originally Posted by ForestMist
There, a try of a teenage girl to become a poet. You know what you can expect.
About time:
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Light to darkness
Iron to rust
Cities lay in ruins
Empires fall
Great names will be forgotten by all
About love:
A rose that bleeds
A heart that needs
A little love
To stay above
All of the fears
To stop the tears
To make it feel
That something's real
That tomorrow's worth living
Something to be recieving
When all else is gone
Any advice?
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11-09-2009, 06:45 AM
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#15
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Ingary
Posts: 145
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skateboard pro
miserable crap.... u deserve to spend your days alone..
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Hahahahaha nice icon
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