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Showing results 1 to 199 of 216 Search took 0.01 seconds. Search: Posts Made By: Uncle Smoov

Forum: Introductions 02-16-2008, 11:50 AM

Replies: 20 Hi De Ho Views: 3,252 Posted By Uncle Smoov If you're not scrawny why don't you try to beat... If you're not scrawny why don't you try to beat me up? Is it because you're nothing but a clown?

Forum: Whining 02-16-2008, 11:36 AM

Replies: 49 Rant Views: 3,387 Posted By Uncle Smoov Yeah, probably you. Yeah, probably you.

Forum: Introductions 02-16-2008, 03:11 AM

Replies: 4 Uncle Smoov Gets Hitched Views: 1,850 Posted By Uncle Smoov You're the first to reply on this thread! This... You're the first to reply on this thread! This means that you get a twenty dollar rebate good for any Uncle Smoov thread in both Politics and Fashion!

Forum: Introductions 02-16-2008, 02:55 AM

Replies: 4 Uncle Smoov Gets Hitched Views: 1,850 Posted By Uncle Smoov Uncle Smoov Gets Hitched So it turns out my old lady, Aunt Ruff, broke up with her husband and came along with me. We tied it ourselves in Las Vegas and gambled our dowries away. The streets were awash with fatted calves...

Forum: Introductions 02-16-2008, 02:46 AM

Replies: 19 My Intro Thread Views: 2,092 Posted By Uncle Smoov Don't worry Tha Duckman, being a subject of Smoov... Don't worry Tha Duckman, being a subject of Smoov isn't hard, and doesn't take many brains. Where do you get the most fashionable goth foot-were? At Shiouxsie Shiouxs, of course. That must be...

Forum: Whining 02-15-2008, 04:39 PM

Replies: 24 Tip of the day #2 Views: 1,569 Posted By Uncle Smoov Would you guys keep it down! Some of us are... Would you guys keep it down! Some of us are trying to sleep!

Forum: Whining 02-15-2008, 04:37 PM

Replies: 49 Rant Views: 3,387 Posted By Uncle Smoov I think you should start smoking. Shake things up... I think you should start smoking. Shake things up a little.

Forum: Introductions 02-15-2008, 04:34 PM

Replies: 19 My Intro Thread Views: 2,092 Posted By Uncle Smoov Having Sex: A Retrospective That's funny, I lost my virginity in a cemetery, on a grave of somebody with the same name as the girl there. That's when Uncle Smoov got his name. I never saw the girl again, but I still have her...

Forum: Whining 10-19-2007, 01:30 PM

Replies: 120 How do I tell my friend in a nice way not to dress goth? Views: 8,298 Posted By Uncle Smoov You sick son of a bitch. You take your elliptic... You sick son of a bitch. You take your elliptic trash-mouth out on the street, where it belongs. You run that apostrophic tongue on the sidewalk to clean it off a little bit. You tell her, you bunch...

Forum: Introductions 10-19-2007, 01:12 PM

Replies: 14 Hi all! Views: 2,057 Posted By Uncle Smoov My name is Pleebert Smoov. This 'Peter' of whom... My name is Pleebert Smoov. This 'Peter' of whom you speak is a dolt. I left him to languish, suffer, and die in my prison. You and Spoon. up there may be next if you burn me with your mouth just once...

Forum: Introductions 10-19-2007, 10:22 AM

Replies: 14 Hi all! Views: 2,057 Posted By Uncle Smoov Gothic.net is a drug-free family site, so if... Gothic.net is a drug-free family site, so if you'd be so kind to keep your devil talk of XTC and marijuana, the devil's harvest, to filthydrunkenpornstar.net, that would be just splendid. That is, if...

Forum: General 10-19-2007, 10:17 AM

Replies: 8 For all the Gothic Guys Views: 1,840 Posted By Uncle Smoov For All the Ladies No one likes you because you didn't write an introduction that we can flame. So either do that or GTFORNAH, you fresh slime.

Forum: General 10-17-2007, 09:04 PM

Replies: 45 What do you hate most of all? Views: 4,350 Posted By Uncle Smoov Dude, have you ever, like read Gandhi's Guide to... Dude, have you ever, like read Gandhi's Guide to Grub? Talk about fucked up. The quote's a total toss-up.

Forum: Whining 10-17-2007, 08:58 PM

Replies: 55 My friend Views: 3,996 Posted By Uncle Smoov What the fuck? What the fuck?

Forum: Whining 10-17-2007, 08:56 PM

Replies: 47 Why Doesn't NachtSorcier Think I'm Cool? Views: 3,615 Posted By Uncle Smoov Why don't you do that when I point out all of... Why don't you do that when I point out all of your crappy spelling mistakes. Cover your tracks and that.

Forum: Whining 10-17-2007, 08:49 PM

Replies: 22 Why do people do this? Views: 1,966 Posted By Uncle Smoov It looks like a certain somebody has more friends... It looks like a certain somebody has more friends that a certain somebody else. I'll leave it to you, Nacho Sauce, to figure out who is way more popular and goth than whom. Secret Answer: It's me,...

Forum: General 10-17-2007, 08:42 PM

Replies: 45 What do you hate most of all? Views: 4,350 Posted By Uncle Smoov Totally, man. You know, if we could all just,... Totally, man. You know, if we could all just, like, combine our positive energy and just groove on, like, the love, we would be able to, like, evolve above this thing we call 'hate,' dude. I...

Forum: Whining 10-17-2007, 08:15 PM

Replies: 55 My friend Views: 3,996 Posted By Uncle Smoov As NachtSaucier once said in agreement to a... As NachtSaucier once said in agreement to a general consensus that some antic or other of mine was unfunny, "I third that."

Forum: Whining 10-17-2007, 08:04 PM

Replies: 120 How do I tell my friend in a nice way not to dress goth? Views: 8,298 Posted By Uncle Smoov I agree, badfeccy, what a child! Hah! Hah!... I agree, badfeccy, what a child! Hah! Hah! Children, please!

Forum: Whining 10-17-2007, 01:48 PM

Replies: 19 I've lost my charm Views: 2,262 Posted By Uncle Smoov Boy, I thought when you said 'charm,' you were... Boy, I thought when you said 'charm,' you were referring to your personality. But that wouldn't make sense.

Forum: Shill 10-17-2007, 01:45 PM

Replies: 7 How about a Bottle of V1@groin! Views: 2,332 Posted By Uncle Smoov Just a quick joke to loosen your pockets. What is... Just a quick joke to loosen your pockets. What is the least psychologically healthy river in the world? Give up? DA NILE! Speaking of which, it sounds like somebody might have a case of it, somebody...

Forum: Whining 10-17-2007, 01:40 PM

Replies: 22 Why do people do this? Views: 1,966 Posted By Uncle Smoov Oh yeah, well you've had big dried chunks of... Oh yeah, well you've had big dried chunks of tartar sauce in the corners of your mouth for a few days now. Maybe try to be more careful when you eat and a lot less gluttonous for all things saucy. ...

Forum: Whining 10-17-2007, 01:37 PM

Replies: 47 Why Doesn't NachtSorcier Think I'm Cool? Views: 3,615 Posted By Uncle Smoov Leave me alone! Why are you so mean to me all the... Leave me alone! Why are you so mean to me all the time! Why, I could... I could just... i got in a fite w/ darkhayter today she called me fat and also gay i ran home and stufed mie face in the...

Forum: Whining 10-17-2007, 01:31 PM

Replies: 22 Why do people do this? Views: 1,966 Posted By Uncle Smoov It's probably because once they get to know... It's probably because once they get to know Nacht, they realize what an awful mistake they've made {types happy face w/ tongue emoticon}.

Forum: Whining 10-17-2007, 01:28 PM

Replies: 55 My friend Views: 3,996 Posted By Uncle Smoov Don't listen to her DarkPrayer, she's trying to... Don't listen to her DarkPrayer, she's trying to trick you! Did you know that Graveyard.Crow is actually Goebbels? Yes, that Goebbels! Listen to me! Care what I say! Before it's too late!

Forum: Whining 10-17-2007, 01:25 PM

Replies: 26 sad what do I do? Views: 3,390 Posted By Uncle Smoov I tried my best, you callous monster!!!!!!! ... I tried my best, you callous monster!!!!!!! {sobs and sobs and sobs}

Forum: Shill 10-16-2007, 05:43 PM

Replies: 7 How about a Bottle of V1@groin! Views: 2,332 Posted By Uncle Smoov If you think the post was brilliant, you should... If you think the post was brilliant, you should try the product! V1@groin combines the highest quality snake oil with all the high-fructose corn syrup you can drive into your broke-ass mouth. ...

Forum: Shill 10-16-2007, 04:39 PM

Replies: 7 How about a Bottle of V1@groin! Views: 2,332 Posted By Uncle Smoov I'll tell you what'll be a new low, cuz, your... I'll tell you what'll be a new low, cuz, your groin post-V1@groin! Call today! Or perhaps you're just jealous that I'm going to bilk more bills out of these suckers than you can ever dream of doing...

Forum: Shill 10-16-2007, 04:36 PM

Replies: 36 Whyyy...did the chicken, cross the road? Views: 6,006 Posted By Uncle Smoov It was attempting desperately to prove to me,... It was attempting desperately to prove to me, Uncle Smoov, that it wasn't a wuss. However, dolt that it was, it couldn't manage to cross before a U-haul turned it into a puddle of wuss-soup.

Forum: Shill 10-16-2007, 04:23 PM

Replies: 7 How about a Bottle of V1@groin! Views: 2,332 Posted By Uncle Smoov How about a Bottle of V1@groin! Hello, my name is Pleebert W. Smoov. Does your groin feel inadequate? Can your loved ones not help but laugh at the sight of it? Change your life* by giving me your credit card information and pin...

Forum: Whining 10-16-2007, 04:05 PM

Replies: 47 Why Doesn't NachtSorcier Think I'm Cool? Views: 3,615 Posted By Uncle Smoov Try this on for size: One time Stupidman was a... Try this on for size: One time Stupidman was a huge dick to somebody named 'Svensum Cool'. He thought he was so awesome trolling and hurting somebody's feelings on the internet. What the dweeb didn't...

Forum: General 10-16-2007, 03:52 PM

Replies: 27 I need to correct a mistake I think I made Views: 2,323 Posted By Uncle Smoov You better not if you want to stay my IRL... You better not if you want to stay my IRL girlfriend for very long. That is, unless you're trying to bring extra money into the household.

Forum: Whining 10-16-2007, 03:50 PM

Replies: 55 My friend Views: 3,996 Posted By Uncle Smoov Real mature everybody. All this talk behind my... Real mature everybody. All this talk behind my back makes my shoulder blades sick.

Forum: Whining 10-16-2007, 03:49 PM

Replies: 47 Why Doesn't NachtSorcier Think I'm Cool? Views: 3,615 Posted By Uncle Smoov Stay out of this, You Oaf, this is between #1 and... Stay out of this, You Oaf, this is between #1 and the stup-kid. And for your information, Stuppy, I won the gothic.net b-ball championships back in '81, and no one has ever beaten my record for...

Forum: Whining 10-16-2007, 03:15 PM

Replies: 47 Why Doesn't NachtSorcier Think I'm Cool? Views: 3,615 Posted By Uncle Smoov You can't prove a thing, mightymouse. If you were... You can't prove a thing, mightymouse. If you were Uncle Smoov, you'd stop me from posting before you lost street cred. As DorkPrayer said, "STOP BEING MEAN TO ME."

Forum: Whining 10-16-2007, 02:21 PM

Replies: 47 Why Doesn't NachtSorcier Think I'm Cool? Views: 3,615 Posted By Uncle Smoov Oh, yeah, eighty posts. Clap. Clap. Clap. Let... Oh, yeah, eighty posts. Clap. Clap. Clap. Let me give you a little heads-up. I have more posts than anyone on the site, so that means you listen to me, all right? And in case you forgot, I'm Uncle...

Forum: General 10-16-2007, 02:05 PM

Replies: 36 I'm gonnna be 14 sooooooooN!!!!! YAY! Views: 2,627 Posted By Uncle Smoov Yeah, well Miss Cogs' snappy pessimisms aren't.... Yeah, well Miss Cogs' snappy pessimisms aren't. So hands off. You're right. I'm sorry.

Forum: General 10-16-2007, 02:02 PM

Replies: 45 What is your motto? Views: 6,050 Posted By Uncle Smoov You sick freak, my son and I simply make... You sick freak, my son and I simply make orthopedic shoes out of concrete. We're a legitimate business, and we're just thinking about broadening our business to other objects as well. Freaking weirdo.

Forum: General 10-16-2007, 01:57 PM

Replies: 36 I'm gonnna be 14 sooooooooN!!!!! YAY! Views: 2,627 Posted By Uncle Smoov There's need indeed to get angry at plagiarists.... There's need indeed to get angry at plagiarists. Or should I say: "Call me Ishmael". It's okay, because I ALWAYS say that!!!!!!

Forum: General 10-16-2007, 01:51 PM

Replies: 45 What is your motto? Views: 6,050 Posted By Uncle Smoov "Smoov and Son Concrete Inc.: More than just... "Smoov and Son Concrete Inc.: More than just shoes!" I'll expound on the Shill board.

Forum: General 10-16-2007, 01:47 PM

Replies: 36 I'm gonnna be 14 sooooooooN!!!!! YAY! Views: 2,627 Posted By Uncle Smoov More like 'Just stealing Kiss Frogs' joke,... More like 'Just stealing Kiss Frogs' joke, hahahahaha!1111'

Forum: General 10-16-2007, 01:34 PM

Replies: 24 What is one thing that you cannot live without? Views: 1,703 Posted By Uncle Smoov omg gothic.net i love u guys!!!!!!! omg gothic.net i love u guys!!!!!!!

Forum: General 10-16-2007, 01:34 PM

Replies: 343 The Acronym Game Views: 42,547 Posted By Uncle Smoov ^ Forget idiotic retards, each becomes really... ^ Forget idiotic retards, each becomes really annoying near death. HEARTOFLAMES

Forum: General 10-16-2007, 01:28 PM

Replies: 36 I'm gonnna be 14 sooooooooN!!!!! YAY! Views: 2,627 Posted By Uncle Smoov Oh, sorry, I can't make it, uh... I have to take... Oh, sorry, I can't make it, uh... I have to take a test on the 26th too... and, you know, my roommate and everything.

Forum: Whining 10-16-2007, 10:37 AM

Replies: 47 Why Doesn't NachtSorcier Think I'm Cool? Views: 3,615 Posted By Uncle Smoov Don't interrupt while the grown-ups are talking... Don't interrupt while the grown-ups are talking and sleeping, 79 posts. What, did you do that to pay tribute to your little gothic 1979 track Bela Lugosi's Dead? Yeah, real subtle, perkygoth.

Forum: Whining 10-16-2007, 10:28 AM

Replies: 33 I have a Confession to Make Views: 2,808 Posted By Uncle Smoov Yeah, that's like rule #1. Yeah, that's like rule #1.

Forum: Whining 10-16-2007, 10:23 AM

Replies: 47 Why Doesn't NachtSorcier Think I'm Cool? Views: 3,615 Posted By Uncle Smoov {Wakes up Knocked Saucier} You should be... {Wakes up Knocked Saucier} You should be nice to people you feel sorry for. That is, unless you're the kind of prune-hearted sinner who might tell the Elephant Man that he's a 'cunt' and that he...

Forum: Whining 10-16-2007, 10:18 AM

Replies: 47 Why Doesn't NachtSorcier Think I'm Cool? Views: 3,615 Posted By Uncle Smoov Maybe you should start thinking for yourself... Maybe you should start thinking for yourself instead of getting all hung up on agreement like a conforming and decidedly un-goth sheep. Be the Original #1, like your best pal Smoovy, not Worker...

Forum: Whining 10-16-2007, 10:07 AM

Replies: 26 sad what do I do? Views: 3,390 Posted By Uncle Smoov The blood of our bond runs into the river Acheron... The blood of our bond runs into the river Acheron eternal. If you ask Graveyard.Crow about it, she might act blackly aloof, like she doesn't know what in the name of the Malebolge you're talking...

Forum: Whining 10-16-2007, 09:57 AM

Replies: 26 sad what do I do? Views: 3,390 Posted By Uncle Smoov Pffff... NachtSaucier's been saying that before... Pffff... NachtSaucier's been saying that before it was cool, peauxseur.

Forum: Whining 10-16-2007, 09:56 AM

Replies: 26 sad what do I do? Views: 3,390 Posted By Uncle Smoov I am not some poem-whore Who honors these... I am not some poem-whore Who honors these demands for more. Good BS, the truth be told: It is you whose getting old.

Forum: Whining 10-16-2007, 09:46 AM

Replies: 47 Why Doesn't NachtSorcier Think I'm Cool? Views: 3,615 Posted By Uncle Smoov What ever gave you the idea that you'd need to... What ever gave you the idea that you'd need to dare me? For future reverence, you may all enjoy the Uncle Smoov Promise that my comebacks will be swift, witty, and pownitive. But on to the Smoovism:...

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 01:46 PM

Replies: 55 My friend Views: 3,996 Posted By Uncle Smoov Oh, yeah, well Beneath the Shadows said that... Oh, yeah, well Beneath the Shadows said that Graveyard.Crow called you 'Dorkprayer.' I was so pissed when I heard. Don't tell her I said anything, though. Just trying amend my mean ways by helping...

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 01:07 PM

Replies: 47 Why Doesn't NachtSorcier Think I'm Cool? Views: 3,615 Posted By Uncle Smoov Think this'll work? "Oh, hey Chris... so,... Think this'll work? "Oh, hey Chris... so, ah... how about that coitus? Engage in it recently? Pretty important for propagation, huh?"

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 12:56 PM

Replies: 47 Why Doesn't NachtSorcier Think I'm Cool? Views: 3,615 Posted By Uncle Smoov I've tried everything! Juggling tiger skulls,... I've tried everything! Juggling tiger skulls, breathing fire, apparently making you incontinent, he's just so damned enthralled with his sauces that he can't look up to see me do all of these things....

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 12:49 PM

Replies: 33 I have a Confession to Make Views: 2,808 Posted By Uncle Smoov Answer:Where the hell have you been? Answer:Where the hell have you been?

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 12:46 PM

Replies: 47 Why Doesn't NachtSorcier Think I'm Cool? Views: 3,615 Posted By Uncle Smoov Why Doesn't NachtSorcier Think I'm Cool? Hey guys, I was wondering of you could help me out with a problem. I put so much energy in trying to entertain NachtSorcier but all he ever does is yawn and shit. I really think he's cool and I want...

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 11:28 AM

Replies: 15 I Beeseech The Collective Knowledge Of Gnet Views: 1,716 Posted By Uncle Smoov Gentle Wormboy, thou hast rendered incarnadine my... Gentle Wormboy, thou hast rendered incarnadine my flatter'd cheeks with thine most formal words, but alas, thou dull and muddy-mettled rascal, for I am call'd Smoov. Art thou still a pansy-sniffer?...

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 11:14 AM

Replies: 26 sad what do I do? Views: 3,390 Posted By Uncle Smoov thanx heres one about u! i tried to help u ... thanx heres one about u! i tried to help u u just pushed me away i dont want any help is that it is that all u have 2 say? i grip my nive and hope i dye y is it always so eazy for me to cry?...

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 11:07 AM

Replies: 30 Never do what I did... Views: 2,581 Posted By Uncle Smoov Oh, yeah, well at least I'm not a posey-picking,... Oh, yeah, well at least I'm not a posey-picking, nosegay-sniffing, tussie-mussing pansy.

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 11:03 AM

Replies: 35 Where's Duck gotten to? Views: 3,037 Posted By Uncle Smoov I'm gonna tell on you. I'm gonna tell on you.

Forum: Introductions 10-15-2007, 10:52 AM

Replies: 12 Psycho Views: 1,851 Posted By Uncle Smoov ur the goth king i heard about u lol!!! hey do u... ur the goth king i heard about u lol!!! hey do u like icp? im a gothic 2 and i was wondering if u like real goth music like icp and marylin masson. alot of people i know say staind n nickelback is...

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 10:43 AM

Replies: 33 I have a Confession to Make Views: 2,808 Posted By Uncle Smoov That idea sucks. I have a better one: how about... That idea sucks. I have a better one: how about YOU shut up? What do you have to say about that? {Pauses for a really long time while U-Oaf gulps like a big wuss} That's what I though. {Puts on some...

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 10:35 AM

Replies: 26 sad what do I do? Views: 3,390 Posted By Uncle Smoov I dedicate this next poem to my girlfriend IRL... I dedicate this next poem to my girlfriend IRL Graveyard.Crow: dark romance I lie intwiend in my, lovers bodey With her dark, torterd eyes And her imortal, bitter teers and I ask her, why...

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 10:33 AM

Replies: 15 I Beeseech The Collective Knowledge Of Gnet Views: 1,716 Posted By Uncle Smoov It's a Medieval Latin term that translates... It's a Medieval Latin term that translates roughly to "One who thinks all words in the titles of black metal songs are real," or alternatively, "One who, god willing, believes trolls when they...

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 10:29 AM

Replies: 26 sad what do I do? Views: 3,390 Posted By Uncle Smoov Hey dicks, I have another one for you. i hope u... Hey dicks, I have another one for you. i hope u like it :) Darkness im so deep Just like my, wuonds witch have been cut by the evil of others And by my own blaid......

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 10:25 AM

Replies: 30 Never do what I did... Views: 2,581 Posted By Uncle Smoov I can't believe you. Laughing at my misfortune,... I can't believe you. Laughing at my misfortune, especially at this time in my life, when I got in a fight with my friend bekki b/c she wore the same sandals that I did today and now I'm going to kill...

Forum: Whining 10-15-2007, 09:51 AM

Replies: 35 Where's Duck gotten to? Views: 3,037 Posted By Uncle Smoov Yeah, way to call a freshwater lake briny, you... Yeah, way to call a freshwater lake briny, you quarter-wit. And way to be racist against the green-skinned. {Pukes in disgust} You shove that bloated tongue back into your allergic mouth. Tha...

Forum: Whining 10-14-2007, 06:50 PM

Replies: 30 Never do what I did... Views: 2,581 Posted By Uncle Smoov One time I slammed forty cc's of pure mexican... One time I slammed forty cc's of pure mexican smack into my jugular and had to get my froth-mouth pumped. After that my girlfriend broke up with me so she could go out with my dad, who had way better...

Forum: Whining 10-14-2007, 06:01 PM

Replies: 26 sad what do I do? Views: 3,390 Posted By Uncle Smoov sad what do I do? The other night I was cutting deep gashes into my body, like I do every night, and I was rushed to the hospital and got 666 stitches. All the doctors taunted me and told me to kill myself as they...

Forum: Whining 10-14-2007, 05:52 PM

Replies: 30 Never do what I did... Views: 2,581 Posted By Uncle Smoov Overdosing like that is an easy mistake to make,... Overdosing like that is an easy mistake to make, and it's admittedly difficult to understand why doing that is a bad idea until after you do it. On a related topic, you shouldn't do what I did and...

Forum: Whining 10-14-2007, 05:40 PM

Replies: 35 Where's Duck gotten to? Views: 3,037 Posted By Uncle Smoov I'll have to arrest the lot of you, since you're... I'll have to arrest the lot of you, since you're all so obviously intoxicated. How else could it be that you think of this T. Duckmin with such high regard? If you used your brains to take your...

Forum: Whining 10-14-2007, 04:51 PM

Replies: 55 My friend Views: 3,996 Posted By Uncle Smoov I'm not being mean, you gossipy worm. Why don't... I'm not being mean, you gossipy worm. Why don't you go FOAD somewhere? Or pour your faulty venom onto my face, the better to smash you with my right hook. I'm the nicest son of a bitch this side of...

Forum: Whining 10-11-2007, 08:31 AM

Replies: 55 My friend Views: 3,996 Posted By Uncle Smoov Yeah, and get over me, too. God, if I had a dime... Yeah, and get over me, too. God, if I had a dime for every time some pathetic groupie like you begged to sleep with me, my pockets would rip.

Forum: Whining 10-10-2007, 08:16 PM

Replies: 55 My friend Views: 3,996 Posted By Uncle Smoov And what do you suggest I do about it? Listen to... And what do you suggest I do about it? Listen to potatoes like you and Pee-knees in the Shadows slur shitty advice at me about my 'comedy routine? I'd rather listen to a pomegranate like Saddiction...

Forum: Whining 10-10-2007, 08:10 PM

Replies: 33 I have a Confession to Make Views: 2,808 Posted By Uncle Smoov "And you remember Duckman what's-his-name from... "And you remember Duckman what's-his-name from the bar? He's dead, honey." I think the quote speaks for itself.

Forum: Introductions 10-10-2007, 01:01 PM

Replies: 29 i'm new. Views: 3,235 Posted By Uncle Smoov Why don't we talk about you? I'm sure that's in... Why don't we talk about you? I'm sure that's in your criteria for what's interesting, you stuck-up brat. Perhaps so we can both ease your ego and obey your "worthwhile" commands, why don't we all...

Forum: Introductions 10-10-2007, 12:58 PM

Replies: 7 My Intro Views: 1,716 Posted By Uncle Smoov Yeah, there's nothing more alien to a goth than... Yeah, there's nothing more alien to a goth than goth shit. It looks to me like somebody doesn't know the first thing about goths. My rage with you knows no bounds that I have to waste my precious...

Forum: Whining 10-10-2007, 12:39 PM

Replies: 27 Frustartion. Views: 2,509 Posted By Uncle Smoov Can't argue with that, LOSER. Can't argue with that, LOSER.

Forum: Whining 10-10-2007, 12:31 PM

Replies: 20 I want one... Views: 1,726 Posted By Uncle Smoov Your worthless permission is not necessary,... Your worthless permission is not necessary, Dumbyx. It's pretty arrogant of you to just assume I would bless your measly thread. In fact, your boring, ear-splittingly whiny post about your little...

Forum: Whining 10-10-2007, 12:25 PM

Replies: 55 My friend Views: 3,996 Posted By Uncle Smoov Tell that to Pee-knees in the Shadows and... Tell that to Pee-knees in the Shadows and La-pout, and Goebbels up there. The peauxseurs thinks I'm boring, when in fact it is they who have ordered the construction of a yawn factory.

Forum: Whining 10-10-2007, 12:24 PM

Replies: 33 I have a Confession to Make Views: 2,808 Posted By Uncle Smoov You don't? God, what a useless newb, am I right... You don't? God, what a useless newb, am I right everyone? As though I have to ask. I'm not sure where you gathered the balls to believe I would waste my time complimenting you.

Forum: Whining 10-09-2007, 08:38 PM

Replies: 33 I have a Confession to Make Views: 2,808 Posted By Uncle Smoov Yeah, U-Oph, mass brainwashing and inhuman... Yeah, U-Oph, mass brainwashing and inhuman suffering is great. That is, if you're a psycho.

Forum: Whining 10-09-2007, 08:29 PM

Replies: 33 I have a Confession to Make Views: 2,808 Posted By Uncle Smoov No means no Graveyard Crow Why you be all ... No means no Graveyard Crow Why you be all like a ho? But you digress. Let us discuss your nauseating gluttony for duck.

Forum: Whining 10-09-2007, 08:28 PM

Replies: 55 My friend Views: 3,996 Posted By Uncle Smoov In case you haven't noticed, It IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR... In case you haven't noticed, It IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO BE BORING. The material I use is the material I believe will help my charges to become less shitty. As for wit, it rolls off my tongue like...

Forum: Whining 10-09-2007, 08:16 PM

Replies: 33 I have a Confession to Make Views: 2,808 Posted By Uncle Smoov Perhaps in your warped view of reality 'doll' is... Perhaps in your warped view of reality 'doll' is a compliment, but in mine, we take offense to such aggravated sexual harassment like that. I suppose sexism can be added to your list: racism, Nazism,...

Forum: Whining 10-09-2007, 08:13 PM

Replies: 55 My friend Views: 3,996 Posted By Uncle Smoov Perhaps instead of posting on your pathetic forum... Perhaps instead of posting on your pathetic forum on your way to Doctor E.Z. Wayout, you should be watching the road. That is, unless your irrelevant post about your hideous appearance instead of...

Forum: Whining 10-09-2007, 08:10 PM

Replies: 33 I have a Confession to Make Views: 2,808 Posted By Uncle Smoov This is a night of breakthroughs for you,... This is a night of breakthroughs for you, Goebbels. Too bad your obvious addiction to duck meat is irreversible. If you're asking for my help in recovering from your sickening slavery (and this will...

Forum: Whining 10-09-2007, 08:07 PM

Replies: 55 My friend Views: 3,996 Posted By Uncle Smoov I hope you're rolling your eyes as you enter... I hope you're rolling your eyes as you enter anaphylaxis, because otherwise, you're simply in a state of pathetic denial as to your true, malevolent nature. This is of course unless what I thought...

Forum: Whining 10-09-2007, 08:04 PM

Replies: 33 I have a Confession to Make Views: 2,808 Posted By Uncle Smoov If by 'this' you mean your lust for Tha Duckman,... If by 'this' you mean your lust for Tha Duckman, then no, Goebbels, it is not a joke. In fact, I don't joke. "I'm a serious person."* *-Knocked Saucier

Forum: Whining 10-09-2007, 07:55 PM

Replies: 55 My friend Views: 3,996 Posted By Uncle Smoov I can't believe that you hang out with such... I can't believe that you hang out with such racist scum, Gra-stap-crow. I know you're not very intelligent, or attractive, or interesting, but I never thought you were among supremacist filth. All...

Forum: Whining 10-09-2007, 07:51 PM

Replies: 33 I have a Confession to Make Views: 2,808 Posted By Uncle Smoov I have a Confession to Make Tha Duckman is gone and he's never coming back. In addition, he's trash and is not goth, so in recognition of precedent you should all have spurned him. He actually sucks about nine times more than...

Forum: General 10-09-2007, 07:25 PM

Replies: 56 How do you want to die? Views: 6,542 Posted By Uncle Smoov I would singlehandedly siege the fortress of... I would singlehandedly siege the fortress of Colombia's largest cocaine manufacturer with only a stiletto and a grenade. I'd blast through the doors in broad daylight with my dual auto-loading 20mm...

Forum: Introductions 10-09-2007, 07:14 PM

Replies: 24 New ish. Views: 2,274 Posted By Uncle Smoov Hey gothicusminimus, don't tell me how to do my... Hey gothicusminimus, don't tell me how to do my job, and don't flame poor defenseless invalids. Dorktart's name is just fine how it is. DT, you lush, I'm sorry about that jackanapes, but he's pretty...

Forum: General 10-09-2007, 09:23 AM

Replies: 2 Poll: Strange Encounters Views: 1,059 Posted By Uncle Smoov I had one today. The past few days were sort of a... I had one today. The past few days were sort of a blur and today, there felt like six feet of sheets above me when I woke up, and I had a really hard time getting up. When I went to school, everybody...

Forum: Whining 10-09-2007, 09:05 AM

Replies: 22 I'm feeling ignored.... Views: 2,089 Posted By Uncle Smoov When I was in junior high school I tried to make... When I was in junior high school I tried to make friendly chittery-chat with this new kid who sat in front of me, but he didn't say anything when I remarked to him in several different ways that I...

Forum: General 10-07-2007, 07:25 PM

Replies: 79 will you fuckers climb out of your spooky fucking coffins and talk to me Views: 6,225 Posted By Uncle Smoov I suppose you're as correct as you can be. It... I suppose you're as correct as you can be. It might running the risk that people would think I'm plagiarizing you. That would be utterly humiliating, not only because it would give folks the...

Forum: General 10-07-2007, 03:07 PM

Replies: 51 Celebrate Uncle Smoov’s 100th Post Day With Your Host, Uncle Smoov! Views: 4,436 Posted By Uncle Smoov This site being a literary forum, La-pout, I... This site being a literary forum, La-pout, I think you would agree that gaining a basic four-year-old-equivalent knowledge of Smoovian would have been a prudent move on your part. Maybe use your time...

Forum: General 10-06-2007, 11:28 AM

Replies: 79 will you fuckers climb out of your spooky fucking coffins and talk to me Views: 6,225 Posted By Uncle Smoov The Foetus, you are a disgrace to all the... The Foetus, you are a disgrace to all the self-respecting trolls of gothic.net. You succeed in nothing but evoking a pretentious chuckle out of me and my fello gothix. Beneath a Shadow of...

Forum: General 10-05-2007, 10:35 PM

Replies: 51 Celebrate Uncle Smoov’s 100th Post Day With Your Host, Uncle Smoov! Views: 4,436 Posted By Uncle Smoov Terrible words from a terribler person. It is... Terrible words from a terribler person. It is people like you in particular who I am trying to help. You seem to believe that charity is a less desirable quality than malice. It is also clear that...

Forum: General 10-05-2007, 10:23 PM

Replies: 51 Celebrate Uncle Smoov’s 100th Post Day With Your Host, Uncle Smoov! Views: 4,436 Posted By Uncle Smoov Oh yeah, Smarte E. Pance? Well when you talk, the... Oh yeah, Smarte E. Pance? Well when you talk, the smell coming out of your mouth overpowers the sound coming out, rendering you literally deaf with bad breaf. Hell, I could be you.

Forum: General 10-05-2007, 07:43 PM

Replies: 51 Celebrate Uncle Smoov’s 100th Post Day With Your Host, Uncle Smoov! Views: 4,436 Posted By Uncle Smoov NachtSaucier! I don't know what's gotten into you... NachtSaucier! I don't know what's gotten into you recently, but you've made astonishing progress in this class. I'm simply amazed at your complete 180 from those - how should I put it so as not to...

Forum: Introductions 10-05-2007, 01:11 PM

Replies: 7 I'm not new but I have had a long absence. Views: 1,325 Posted By Uncle Smoov Isn't it obvious? OCD left in prescient fear of... Isn't it obvious? OCD left in prescient fear of my future rule. For a reason unimaginable to those with human, or equivalent, minds, she has returned in a frenzy of reckless courage. If courage is...

Forum: General 10-05-2007, 01:07 PM

Replies: 51 Celebrate Uncle Smoov’s 100th Post Day With Your Host, Uncle Smoov! Views: 4,436 Posted By Uncle Smoov It is a proud day for you, Knocked Saucier. For... It is a proud day for you, Knocked Saucier. For the first time in your life, you have uttered something that can be considered correct. This is a serious issue that those whom I previously considered...

Forum: Literature 10-05-2007, 01:01 PM

Replies: 11 The Guardians Views: 2,289 Posted By Uncle Smoov A story doth hold no lies, goblin, lest it be... A story doth hold no lies, goblin, lest it be suspis'd that it's quiller mentions so afore aught else. You misunderstand me, which is to be expected from the likes of you. As I said, the criticism...

Forum: General 10-05-2007, 11:47 AM

Replies: 10 I just wanted to say before I go to bed... Views: 1,436 Posted By Uncle Smoov Good Necropolis, who am I to pass down so... Good Necropolis, who am I to pass down so hospitable an offer? Why, as humble as I am, I can't resist making myself and my unquestionable magnificence known to another Kingdom. Perhaps, in time, this...

Forum: Whining 10-05-2007, 11:41 AM

Replies: 49 Trolls and Know it alls Views: 4,411 Posted By Uncle Smoov As I explained in my post you were hiding like an... As I explained in my post you were hiding like an soiled infant in the woods to escape from the verbal hurt which I aimed, and succeeded entirely, to put on you. Hah! To think that you mustered the...

Forum: General 10-05-2007, 11:28 AM

Replies: 10 I just wanted to say before I go to bed... Views: 1,436 Posted By Uncle Smoov Aw, KK, you don't mean that! You're just superb.... Aw, KK, you don't mean that! You're just superb. I don't know how I would live without you. I would probably slice open my carotid artery if you left, put it on youtube, and then title it "YOU MADE...

Forum: Introductions 10-05-2007, 11:24 AM

Replies: 20 My name is nocturnal assasin Views: 2,298 Posted By Uncle Smoov Was it taking it a bit too far when the Allies... Was it taking it a bit too far when the Allies invaded Normandy? Was it taking it a bit too far when the martyrs of Christendom got their intestined chomped out by lions instead of giving a quick...

Forum: Literature 10-05-2007, 11:01 AM

Replies: 11 The Guardians Views: 2,289 Posted By Uncle Smoov Here's why the whole thing sucked "[E]xcept there was this little girl of about sic (sic) with blonde hair and the most striking blur (sic) eyes." No one can possibly even know what the story is about at all with the errors quoted....

Forum: Introductions 10-05-2007, 10:55 AM

Replies: 20 My name is nocturnal assasin Views: 2,298 Posted By Uncle Smoov What is your problem? It's obvious that she's... What is your problem? It's obvious that she's already dead. How can you say something like that to a dead person? Are you a necrophiliac too? Do you like to abuse the dead verbally because you're too...

Forum: General 10-05-2007, 10:43 AM

Replies: 51 Celebrate Uncle Smoov’s 100th Post Day With Your Host, Uncle Smoov! Views: 4,436 Posted By Uncle Smoov I know that he's a conniving brigand whose... I know that he's a conniving brigand whose heinous sense of humor exceeds naught but the most primitive archaeon. This is a compliment by all accounts, Stupidman. To comment on Haunted House's own...

Forum: General 10-04-2007, 07:36 PM

Replies: 64 Unfortunate Experiences with Parasites Views: 5,019 Posted By Uncle Smoov Perhaps you're simply not goth enough if my... Perhaps you're simply not goth enough if my avatar is too creepy for you, Lappie. In an unfortunate coincidence, the lake of which you speak is indeed the very lake portrayed in my avatar. Under...

Forum: General 10-04-2007, 07:09 PM

Replies: 51 Celebrate Uncle Smoov’s 100th Post Day With Your Host, Uncle Smoov! Views: 4,436 Posted By Uncle Smoov Your feeble magic tricks don't tickle me in the... Your feeble magic tricks don't tickle me in the least bit. I'll have you know, indeed, that I am not ticklish. Wormboy was correct, for a change, in his worthy observation that your sickening misuse...

Forum: General 10-04-2007, 01:46 PM

Replies: 51 Celebrate Uncle Smoov’s 100th Post Day With Your Host, Uncle Smoov! Views: 4,436 Posted By Uncle Smoov These are all utter lies, my simple students.... These are all utter lies, my simple students. Surely you wouldn't be so easily tricked by somebody calling himself Uncle Smoov who is clearly named "Stuporman?" But perhaps I overestimated your...

Forum: Introductions 10-04-2007, 12:16 PM

Replies: 7 I'm not new but I have had a long absence. Views: 1,325 Posted By Uncle Smoov Perhaps a closer, less dumb look at my title... Perhaps a closer, less dumb look at my title would reveal that I am actually Goth as Fuck, a position I sadly must share with you. Just a friendly suggestion: if you want your burns to be "immense...

Forum: General 10-04-2007, 12:13 PM

Replies: 64 Unfortunate Experiences with Parasites Views: 5,019 Posted By Uncle Smoov I'm an exterminator of flaw. It just takes a long... I'm an exterminator of flaw. It just takes a long time, for the, well, more 'stubborn' types. And what's wrong with servicing the minorities? Are you somehow against entertaining them? Are they not...

Forum: General 10-04-2007, 10:30 AM

Replies: 64 Unfortunate Experiences with Parasites Views: 5,019 Posted By Uncle Smoov This one time I joined a forum of what I thought... This one time I joined a forum of what I thought would be a friendly community site designed to provide a supportive venue for Gothic culture, but found instead only a squirming pit of leeches...

Forum: Introductions 10-03-2007, 08:58 PM

Replies: 7 I'm not new but I have had a long absence. Views: 1,325 Posted By Uncle Smoov Perhaps it was better that you left. This fief... Perhaps it was better that you left. This fief has a new Lord, and his title is Duke Smoov. Prepare to pay either fealty or with your life for intolerable disobedience. As so many in my wake have...

Forum: Introductions 10-03-2007, 08:47 PM

Replies: 34 An intro, before I begin crashing all of your conversations Views: 3,364 Posted By Uncle Smoov By my regal decree you are henceforth given... By my regal decree you are henceforth given allowance to the usage of gothic.net. You've made an adequate first impression, and as Viscous and that other person have made clear to you (if our...

Forum: Introductions 10-02-2007, 02:06 PM

Replies: 10 so I am here Views: 1,679 Posted By Uncle Smoov In Romania they speak Latin. They don't call it... In Romania they speak Latin. They don't call it Romania for laughs, Regnatus. Unless the laughs are directed at people like you who can't figure that out for themselves, in which case my entire...

Forum: Introductions 10-02-2007, 11:45 AM

Replies: 114 My Eulogy Views: 14,118 Posted By Uncle Smoov Flame, weakling, or Ant Ruff might have to make a... Flame, weakling, or Ant Ruff might have to make a visit to your kneecaps. All of you, heed my word. The Time has come that I finally take unquestioned hold over these lands which by God were promised...

Forum: Introductions 10-02-2007, 11:30 AM

Replies: 114 My Eulogy Views: 14,118 Posted By Uncle Smoov FINALLY! RECOGNITION! Hear that, myriad enemies?... FINALLY! RECOGNITION! Hear that, myriad enemies? There is a shred of hope for the rest of you dregs! Touch of Ink being my first apostle (on gothic.net anyway), I do hope you don't all claw too...

Forum: Whining 10-02-2007, 11:15 AM

Replies: 28 Stereoptypes Views: 2,444 Posted By Uncle Smoov This one time I was in morality class with my... This one time I was in morality class with my hands folded unless I raised my right hand to correctly answer a question or add something significant to the discussion. I took a short break from my...

Forum: Introductions 10-02-2007, 08:38 AM

Replies: 44 Tell me who you are. Let me meet the person with an answer to that. Views: 5,113 Posted By Uncle Smoov Think you're pretty tough, huh? Well,... Think you're pretty tough, huh? Well, fantsy-pance, you can be with little effort branded as a reckless (and poor) liar by your assertions that you killed six smugglers with your teeth and that your...

Forum: Introductions 10-01-2007, 12:45 PM

Replies: 14 'Ello all Views: 2,523 Posted By Uncle Smoov You'll learn soon that the gothic.net boards... You'll learn soon that the gothic.net boards don't harbor such scum as trolls, and never did. Our gentle utopia is run with such somber gravity that the trolls are frightened away before they can...

Forum: Whining 09-30-2007, 03:35 PM

Replies: 49 Trolls and Know it alls Views: 4,411 Posted By Uncle Smoov Yeah, NO ENGAGING! Aren't you engaged to JCC,... Yeah, NO ENGAGING! Aren't you engaged to JCC, anyway (I'll give you a gay reference, you vondruke!)? You should listen to your little girlfriend or you're running the risk that he'll give you the old...

Forum: Whining 09-30-2007, 10:55 AM

Replies: 49 Trolls and Know it alls Views: 4,411 Posted By Uncle Smoov O frabjous day! My point having finally been... O frabjous day! My point having finally been absorbed by your notably inflexible brains, I hereby deem this thread an official success in all relevant areas. Day old sugar cookies and orange drink...

Forum: Whining 09-29-2007, 09:10 AM

Replies: 49 Trolls and Know it alls Views: 4,411 Posted By Uncle Smoov What's so gay about holding hands? You know,... What's so gay about holding hands? You know, you’re pretty homophobic. Perhaps it is difficult for a chimp to understand, or a chump to admit, that I truly am devastatingly better than them, but...

Forum: Whining 09-29-2007, 01:07 AM

Replies: 49 Trolls and Know it alls Views: 4,411 Posted By Uncle Smoov On what empirical basis do you establish that bit... On what empirical basis do you establish that bit of crackpottery? If we are to follow guidelines of logic and reason, – instead of sheer lunacy – “when {I} go to such lengths to reiterate the...

Forum: Introductions 09-28-2007, 09:39 AM

Replies: 12 Hey I'm New. Please give me some gothic love. Views: 1,845 Posted By Uncle Smoov We don't take kindly to trolls around here. Nor... We don't take kindly to trolls around here. Nor do we take kindly to newbs, poseurs, or lametards such as yourself. I've been unanimously and cheerfully coronated as the King Troll around these...

Forum: Whining 09-27-2007, 01:23 PM

Replies: 49 Trolls and Know it alls Views: 4,411 Posted By Uncle Smoov Hey man, love who you want, but be honest. I... Hey man, love who you want, but be honest. I won't judge you on your cronehood. I suppose I should have known that interpreting subtlety isn't your most talked-about skill. In fact 'wretch' is...

Forum: Whining 09-27-2007, 11:37 AM

Replies: 20 My mom stepped on my turtle on purpose Views: 2,436 Posted By Uncle Smoov I wouldn't let this Duckman shine my shoes (Hah!... I wouldn't let this Duckman shine my shoes (Hah! As if they need shining), let alone let him be the same person as I am. It's a cogent observation on your part to describe me as sophisticated and...

Forum: Whining 09-27-2007, 11:14 AM

Replies: 49 Trolls and Know it alls Views: 4,411 Posted By Uncle Smoov Being much better versed in our shining language... Being much better versed in our shining language than you are, I can assure you that 'disjointed' is not a more efficient method of saying "too long for JCC's archeozoic brain to follow." Your...

Forum: Whining 09-27-2007, 09:05 AM

Replies: 49 Trolls and Know it alls Views: 4,411 Posted By Uncle Smoov You shouldn't make fun of dog attacks. My niece... You shouldn't make fun of dog attacks. My niece was almost killed when a mad dog approached her and she tricked it into dropping off a cliff in front of the dog's owner, who proceeded to chase her...

Forum: General 09-27-2007, 08:40 AM

Replies: 7 silience Views: 1,623 Posted By Uncle Smoov I'm a lot more interested in silience than... I'm a lot more interested in silience than silence. This is to say, silence in general is less interesting than the mystery of silience, or as it might be more accurately spelled, sillyence. So far,...

Forum: Whining 09-26-2007, 08:54 PM

Replies: 49 Trolls and Know it alls Views: 4,411 Posted By Uncle Smoov I concur with all my beating heart, my brothers... I concur with all my beating heart, my brothers and my sisters. Maybe certain people (they know who they are) should get off of our forums and make their devastatingly witty, quick, but sober and...

Forum: Literature 09-26-2007, 07:58 PM

Replies: 15 Fate. Views: 1,851 Posted By Uncle Smoov I agree wholeheartedly, JCC, Rae Ven Rae can... I agree wholeheartedly, JCC, Rae Ven Rae can really be a jerk sometimes. It's refreshing to know that someone has the courage to defend me once in a while. This isn't to suggest that I need to be...

Forum: Literature 09-26-2007, 01:45 PM

Replies: 15 Fate. Views: 1,851 Posted By Uncle Smoov It's good to know that I'm so loved here as for... It's good to know that I'm so loved here as for my presence to be requested, but I do hope you realize that I cannot tend to all of my fans. Consider yourself lucky. I know I do. How can you fail to...

Forum: Introductions 09-25-2007, 04:18 PM

Replies: 19 Where hath the katterfly flown? Views: 2,181 Posted By Uncle Smoov Get in line, sister. I've got more hoes... Get in line, sister. I've got more hoes pretending to be close relatives than I can count on all my fingers and toes, and that's saying a lot, because my parents visited Chernobyl a few months before...

Forum: Literature 09-25-2007, 04:12 PM

Replies: 15 Fate. Views: 1,851 Posted By Uncle Smoov Oh, you mean the sense that doesn't exist? Way to... Oh, you mean the sense that doesn't exist? Way to lie about our upstanding language. You just made about a billion enemies, pal. As for my internet ego, it never really gets deplenished, but I'm...

Forum: Literature 09-25-2007, 03:38 PM

Replies: 15 Fate. Views: 1,851 Posted By Uncle Smoov I don't suggest you impersonate me, whelp. ... I don't suggest you impersonate me, whelp. signed soberly, the legitimate 'Papa Smoof'

Forum: Literature 09-25-2007, 11:17 AM

Replies: 15 Fate. Views: 1,851 Posted By Uncle Smoov Hey JCC, here's some thoughts spilling: ... Hey JCC, here's some thoughts spilling: thedoll agreed with me when I told her that your poem bloez chunx. It doesn't even rhyme. The Oxford English Dictionary defines poetry thusly: po·et·ry...

Forum: Music 09-25-2007, 10:51 AM

Replies: 50 Taste? Views: 5,461 Posted By Uncle Smoov Everybody's right and great! You, me, even Stupid... Everybody's right and great! You, me, even Stupid up there! Of course, you're all forgetting who calls the shots for refined taste and low taste. You should all be sick to your stomachs for...

Forum: Introductions 09-25-2007, 10:20 AM

Replies: 19 Where hath the katterfly flown? Views: 2,181 Posted By Uncle Smoov Wecome to gothic.net, LOSER. What, was your elbow... Wecome to gothic.net, LOSER. What, was your elbow on the return key? I guess if you're poking around in my dreams I'll have to make the long and certainly unpleasant trek to that shocking...

Forum: Introductions 09-23-2007, 02:25 PM

Replies: 34 Hi there Views: 10,743 Posted By Uncle Smoov Written like a true yokel. What homespun... Written like a true yokel. What homespun backwater wisdom is this? An urbane individual such as myself can open your clearly myopic eyes to the nature of true friendship: alpha-malehood, vast...

Forum: Introductions 09-23-2007, 02:04 PM

Replies: 15 Hello from 'cross the Internet! Views: 1,834 Posted By Uncle Smoov Don't take me seriously? Shut up, for once?... Don't take me seriously? Shut up, for once? Incapable of suppressing dissent? Who am I? I leave for one jaunt and this is the greeting I receive upon my long-awaited return? Who has the power to take...

Forum: Introductions 09-23-2007, 01:29 PM

Replies: 34 Hi there Views: 10,743 Posted By Uncle Smoov Metabootlick is right, don't let some of the... Metabootlick is right, don't let some of the trolls of assholes get to you, only the trolls of my assholes. Most of the trolls here are subpar, especially 3gg, the simpering infant. You should take...

Forum: Whining 09-23-2007, 01:17 PM

Replies: 762 the "whine about boo-boos" thread Views: 100,643 Posted By Uncle Smoov One of my front teeth started to grow out of... One of my front teeth started to grow out of control because of a calcium imbalance in my mouth. Eventually it fell out, but the tooth fairy didn't think it belonged to a human so she refused me...

Forum: Introductions 09-22-2007, 08:14 PM

Replies: 114 My Eulogy Views: 14,118 Posted By Uncle Smoov Well if it isn't just the dweeb parade over here.... Well if it isn't just the dweeb parade over here. Dr. Douche Bag, equally accurately known as Abyssmal, gets the party started by assing off all over the place, and then Goering Grammar infects...

Forum: Literature 09-22-2007, 08:04 PM

Replies: 3 Blank Views: 1,285 Posted By Uncle Smoov Isn't it more fitting for our critiques to be...... Isn't it more fitting for our critiques to be... blank? But just to stop your whining, (by the way, there's a thread for that sort of thing) I'll throw you a grody old bone. If you're so hell bent on...

Forum: Introductions 09-22-2007, 07:51 PM

Replies: 34 Hi there Views: 10,743 Posted By Uncle Smoov hay! my mom is stupid so i tell her im dressing... hay! my mom is stupid so i tell her im dressing up for chrismas and she lets me dress up like a cinder every day of the week, even sunday! ull have a good time at gothicks dot g-net b/c everybody...

Forum: Introductions 09-18-2007, 08:36 PM

Replies: 15 Hello from 'cross the Internet! Views: 1,834 Posted By Uncle Smoov Hey Stuporman, I haven't seen a more apt handle... Hey Stuporman, I haven't seen a more apt handle on this site since thedull. My only beef is that you're not much of a man. More like an embryo, but without the potential. You think you’re on my bad...

Forum: Introductions 09-18-2007, 08:10 PM

Replies: 114 My Eulogy Views: 14,118 Posted By Uncle Smoov Now, now, my brood, there’s plenty of Smoov to go... Now, now, my brood, there’s plenty of Smoov to go around. I was just doing my job on this abysmal soul who taints my town with his tread. He’s too much of a coward to discuss his musical tastes, so...

Forum: Introductions 09-18-2007, 11:18 AM

Replies: 15 Hello from 'cross the Internet! Views: 1,834 Posted By Uncle Smoov Sorry doesn't cut it. It's people like you who... Sorry doesn't cut it. It's people like you who shouldn't own keyboards. I have no patience for people who make a joke of safety. You think it's funny? No way. My divorced and widowed aunt thought she...

Forum: Whining 09-18-2007, 10:55 AM

Replies: 20 My mom stepped on my turtle on purpose Views: 2,436 Posted By Uncle Smoov Yeah, in the next post: It's sort of a... Yeah, in the next post: It's sort of a sensitive issue, but I surfed down to the center of Hell on her back. I didn't want to say anything because... I was af... afraid I'd tear up. It was...

Forum: Whining 09-18-2007, 10:35 AM

Replies: 23 How to get noticed... Views: 2,411 Posted By Uncle Smoov You should tell lies to him, bitter, bitter lies.... You should tell lies to him, bitter, bitter lies. Poison their love with guile and trickery. Let this wicked prostitute dwell in sadness and invite her to watch your undoubtedly successful courtship...

Forum: Introductions 09-18-2007, 10:29 AM

Replies: 6 Hello I'm here! Views: 1,411 Posted By Uncle Smoov Why don't you take your communist bullshit... Why don't you take your communist bullshit somewhere else, pinko?

Forum: Introductions 09-18-2007, 09:23 AM

Replies: 114 My Eulogy Views: 14,118 Posted By Uncle Smoov Then truly, I have failed. Then truly, I have failed.

Forum: Introductions 09-18-2007, 09:04 AM

Replies: 114 My Eulogy Views: 14,118 Posted By Uncle Smoov Perhaps it is a mistake on your part to have such... Perhaps it is a mistake on your part to have such an indifferent attitude towards your face, seeing as how vulnerable it then becomes to the blister-bakers that are my flames. It's too bad about your...

Forum: Literature 09-16-2007, 08:38 PM

Replies: 14 My grammar and spelling are almost impeccable. Views: 1,893 Posted By Uncle Smoov Now now, good subject, don't get testy-tastic. In... Now now, good subject, don't get testy-tastic. In the threadspinner's defense, she did qualify 'almost.' So you both lose!

Forum: General 09-16-2007, 08:28 PM

Replies: 45 I think I like Goths Views: 4,418 Posted By Uncle Smoov Date ****: the act of cutting down date trees,... Date ****: the act of cutting down date trees, and seizing and carrying them off by force.

Forum: General 09-16-2007, 08:24 PM

Replies: 45 I think I like Goths Views: 4,418 Posted By Uncle Smoov Thirded. JAY KAY FUG U Why don't you just go... Thirded. JAY KAY FUG U Why don't you just go date **** the cheerleading team if that's how you feel about the blackness that is our gothic darkness? Go sit over at the jock table and fling spotted...

Forum: Introductions 09-16-2007, 07:56 PM

Replies: 18 Good Evening. Views: 2,275 Posted By Uncle Smoov My uncle had dermatitis on all but the middle... My uncle had dermatitis on all but the middle finger on his right hand. He didn't get it checked out for years. After a night of gin and sin-drenched debauchery they just sort of dropped off in his...

Forum: Whining 09-10-2007, 02:18 PM

Replies: 20 My mom stepped on my turtle on purpose Views: 2,436 Posted By Uncle Smoov You guys are all jerks How come you guys are being big callous oaves? You're almost more oafish that Underwater Oaf. I ask for nothing more than your mercy and your shoulders to help me through my imprisonment, execution, ...

Forum: Whining 09-10-2007, 02:12 AM

Replies: 20 My mom stepped on my turtle on purpose Views: 2,436 Posted By Uncle Smoov My mom stepped on my turtle on purpose I don't really feel fancy posting such personal stuff here, but I really need some guidance on this issue. I hope you guys can understand. Chapter One: In which a certain mother steps onto a...

Forum: General 09-10-2007, 01:33 AM

Replies: 85 Interesting Sex Facts Views: 7,698 Posted By Uncle Smoov Hey BahHellDamnStainsMercury, you wouldn't know... Hey BahHellDamnStainsMercury, you wouldn't know about the flagrant use of monumental and extravagant vocabulary if it closed a thesaurus on your tongue. Nor would you know dependable intelligence if...

Forum: Whining 09-06-2007, 04:00 PM

Replies: 23 Hey ya. Views: 1,950 Posted By Uncle Smoov Yes. I benignly agree with you, Apathy whatever.... Yes. I benignly agree with you, Apathy whatever. I hate asskissery almost as much as I hate ass kissers who hate asskissery. You’re so great when you tell people they’re great. Please be mean to...

Forum: Introductions 09-06-2007, 01:24 PM

Replies: 35 You are defined by your titles Views: 3,765 Posted By Uncle Smoov I live in East Strandsborg, and all the headlines... I live in East Strandsborg, and all the headlines said was, "Local wanderer kicked out of school for not being goth enough." You shouldn't lie about something that newsprint can so quickly refute. I...

Forum: General 09-06-2007, 12:54 PM

Replies: 456 What is "UNgoth" about you? Views: 106,162 Posted By Uncle Smoov You think you're gother than me? Huh? I'm so goth... You think you're gother than me? Huh? I'm so goth that I felled the house of Usher and regularly perform black mass under the ruins. Think again, cheerleader. I'm so goth I'm banned from Italy for...

Forum: Literature 09-06-2007, 11:42 AM

Replies: 12 The Inferno, Dante Alighieri Views: 1,925 Posted By Uncle Smoov Maybe it won't be so mysterious once you find... Maybe it won't be so mysterious once you find your donkey ass following after the carrot of salvation on the netherisland of the psuedodamned for a trillion years. I'll wager that the idea of a...

Forum: Introductions 09-06-2007, 10:51 AM

Replies: 35 You are defined by your titles Views: 3,765 Posted By Uncle Smoov hey validen! i'm a gothic too, and i think... hey validen! i'm a gothic too, and i think there's no better way to say "my black soul and I want to be your friend" than giving you a few titles of my own that i think youd be abel to use. heres mie...

Forum: General 09-05-2007, 02:40 PM

Replies: 85 Interesting Sex Facts Views: 7,698 Posted By Uncle Smoov If I told you that, you scheming assassin, how... If I told you that, you scheming assassin, how would I be capable of protecting myself if you shoved me down them? Shoving is not the answer, you violent, twisted, unrepentant psycho. Return to the...

Forum: General 09-05-2007, 02:29 PM

Replies: 85 Interesting Sex Facts Views: 7,698 Posted By Uncle Smoov Stay? Why would the idea of leaving ever cross my... Stay? Why would the idea of leaving ever cross my mind? More pressingly, why would the idea of my leaving ever cross yours, or any of my people's? No, Emperor Smoov's tenure adheres to his life. His...

Forum: General 09-05-2007, 02:17 PM

Replies: 85 Interesting Sex Facts Views: 7,698 Posted By Uncle Smoov The nightmare has just begun for our dear, though... The nightmare has just begun for our dear, though naive, friend thedull. For what she cannot comprehend is that a life without Uncle Smoov is like a coward without a mommy.

Forum: General 09-05-2007, 02:08 PM

Replies: 85 Interesting Sex Facts Views: 7,698 Posted By Uncle Smoov The better for internet predators to draw you... The better for internet predators to draw you into a situation out of which you can't pull yourself. I'd watch out for creeps around here now that your retardation has blossomed into profundity....

Forum: General 09-05-2007, 12:45 PM

Replies: 85 Interesting Sex Facts Views: 7,698 Posted By Uncle Smoov Come on, man, we're old buds! How's the wife,... Come on, man, we're old buds! How's the wife, anyway? Oh yeah? Wow, that sure sounds like Polly! ::Rolls eyes and smirks in agreement to your news on the wife::! Boy, we really have a lot of catching...

Forum: General 09-05-2007, 12:40 PM

Replies: 85 Interesting Sex Facts Views: 7,698 Posted By Uncle Smoov Dear Dollface, I'm glad you enjoyed my post,... Dear Dollface, I'm glad you enjoyed my post, but the only real jerk here is you. I resent that you used the word 'jerk,' though I know you meant no offense. Honest mistake, but my grandmother was...

Forum: Introductions 09-05-2007, 12:30 AM

Replies: 21 Howdy dowdy Views: 3,110 Posted By Uncle Smoov Good vampiric spider, what cheer I find in your... Good vampiric spider, what cheer I find in your unschooled words! It is but a phantasm that fledglings such as yourself, and perhaps others, should prepare to meet such adverse environs as you have...

Forum: General 09-05-2007, 12:03 AM

Replies: 85 Interesting Sex Facts Views: 7,698 Posted By Uncle Smoov As my collegues implied, what the hell is wrong... As my collegues implied, what the hell is wrong with you? Isn't everything obvious? You worthless landfill. First of all: it's an urban legend that human seed is a tooth whitener, it only whitens...

Forum: General 09-04-2007, 09:13 PM

Replies: 23 Ask Jurgen Views: 2,674 Posted By Uncle Smoov Don't even talk to me about croungage. I do that... Don't even talk to me about croungage. I do that shit for a living.

Forum: Literature 09-04-2007, 08:56 PM

Replies: 22 Oceaneyes/On Self-Realization Views: 2,329 Posted By Uncle Smoov I'm glad to hear that you can tell that anything... I'm glad to hear that you can tell that anything reeks, Smelly, outside of your own dripping pits. As perhaps you learned in fifth grade, if you reached such a peak, hygiene is all-around smell. That...

Forum: Literature 09-04-2007, 08:41 PM

Replies: 22 Oceaneyes/On Self-Realization Views: 2,329 Posted By Uncle Smoov Hey Even Nevan, why don't you come over here and... Hey Even Nevan, why don't you come over here and say that to my face? I can deal with your cadaverous halitosis because I have a strong will. I can deal with your pug-ugly mug because my fists and I...

Forum: General 09-03-2007, 08:32 PM

Replies: 23 Ask Jurgen Views: 2,674 Posted By Uncle Smoov Drear Jurgen, No one can come up with any good... Drear Jurgen, No one can come up with any good pwnage but me. Do you think you'd be able to develop some nice pwnage that could be a match for me? I completely understand if you'd rather writhe in...

Forum: Introductions 09-03-2007, 08:24 PM

Replies: 21 Howdy dowdy Views: 3,110 Posted By Uncle Smoov Yeah, Hen-atus. Some of the more superior members... Yeah, Hen-atus. Some of the more superior members of the human race know when to give credit where credit is due. But I'm sure superiority is a club you'd be uninterested in joining, Renatass. As...

Forum: Literature 09-03-2007, 07:54 PM

Replies: 22 Oceaneyes/On Self-Realization Views: 2,329 Posted By Uncle Smoov Hey Crab-teccy I heard the lulz are terminal. I’d hate for you to live longer than God intended, but I would get it checked out before you mistake genius for the moronic in Hell. Q: How many Badteccy’s does it...

Forum: Literature 09-03-2007, 02:43 PM

Replies: 22 Oceaneyes/On Self-Realization Views: 2,329 Posted By Uncle Smoov You should be ashamed of yourself. Poor U-Oph... You should be ashamed of yourself. Poor U-Oph just wanted to play the "Find Uncle Smoov's Purposely Placed Grammar and Spelling Mistakes" game, but you – a veritable word hog – had to slaver all...

Forum: Introductions 09-03-2007, 02:10 PM

Replies: 21 Howdy dowdy Views: 3,110 Posted By Uncle Smoov Hey, thanks for the tip, Optimus Prime! However,... Hey, thanks for the tip, Optimus Prime! However, That’s a rather strange way to say hello to someone, especially someone who’s as opulent and worshipped on this website as I am. You’ve made a grave...

Forum: Literature 09-03-2007, 01:15 PM

Replies: 22 Oceaneyes/On Self-Realization Views: 2,329 Posted By Uncle Smoov Why would I leave the site and let all these... Why would I leave the site and let all these horrific poets get worse? Especially right now, at such a critical time like this! I would be doing myself a disservice, a disservice to this upstanding...

Forum: Literature 09-03-2007, 10:54 AM

Replies: 22 Oceaneyes/On Self-Realization Views: 2,329 Posted By Uncle Smoov I'd expect as much comprehension from somebody... I'd expect as much comprehension from somebody who's name appears to commemmorate one of their assuredly many weaknesses. I suppose many cordial congratulations are in order for your living up to...

Forum: Literature 09-03-2007, 10:51 AM

Replies: 22 Oceaneyes/On Self-Realization Views: 2,329 Posted By Uncle Smoov Is that where you found that pre-literate... Is that where you found that pre-literate stinkfest? I don't believe I, nor any other self-loving organism, is jealous of stinkaholism.

Forum: Literature 09-02-2007, 12:38 AM

Replies: 22 Oceaneyes/On Self-Realization Views: 2,329 Posted By Uncle Smoov God, I'm sick of all this whiny-ass “Goth”... God, I'm sick of all this whiny-ass “Goth” pooetry. Why don’t you come up with something that isn’t about your and your miserable life? Better yet, why don't you come up with something that hasn't...

Forum: Literature 09-02-2007, 12:35 AM

Replies: 50 poem about me to introduces me Views: 5,565 Posted By Uncle Smoov You think you have problems, RavenWolf420? One... You think you have problems, RavenWolf420? One time I dropped my phone in the sewer because the vibration from someone calling scared me, and my old lady said she'd kick me out if I lost another...

Forum: Introductions 09-01-2007, 09:31 PM

Replies: 21 Howdy dowdy Views: 3,110 Posted By Uncle Smoov 4 SOM1 WHOOZ SO OPINIONATED U SURE DON"T HAVE A... 4 SOM1 WHOOZ SO OPINIONATED U SURE DON"T HAVE A LOT OF OPINIONS IN UR INTRDOUCTION U LIAR

Forum: Music 09-01-2007, 09:13 PM

Replies: 22 Your Favorite Lyrics Views: 5,826 Posted By Uncle Smoov You can all forget about your pseudo-dark and... You can all forget about your pseudo-dark and quasi-introspective static drivel. The Game is the only goth whose rimes I'd do anything more than spit upon and laugh at. "So I walked over, heard...

Forum: Literature 09-01-2007, 08:51 PM

Replies: 34 Edegar alian poo Views: 4,549 Posted By Uncle Smoov Yeah, Egg, you snot jar, listen to Minyaliel and... Yeah, Egg, you snot jar, listen to Minyaliel and go suck a hyena's teat. Twisted psychos like you make me want to puke. However, I curse God himself that I'm not close enough to your piglike face to...

Forum: Literature 09-01-2007, 02:02 AM

Replies: 34 Edegar alian poo Views: 4,549 Posted By Uncle Smoov Just because he sucked at everything and was a... Just because he sucked at everything and was a jerk doesn't mean he wasn't a great man. It takes a great man with a ballooned liver to evade the humiliation often occuring during death in a gutter....

Forum: Literature 09-01-2007, 01:34 AM

Replies: 19 Just a little something... Views: 3,380 Posted By Uncle Smoov I knew a Goth named Fritigern, and he was all of... I knew a Goth named Fritigern, and he was all of those things and tons more. As far as the word itself is concerned, doesn't 'goth' sort of get squashed around in your head until it sounds the way...

Forum: Introductions 08-31-2007, 02:18 AM

Replies: 16 Hello. Views: 2,708 Posted By Uncle Smoov I don't think a discussion, or better yet,... I don't think a discussion, or better yet, mention, of William Shakespeare is appropriate for a site of this nature, due to a quote found in some of his extremist literature: "Give us the proudest...

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