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Game of Thrones: The Broken Men (but also women – why be sexist?)

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Aww well ain’t that wholesome. Welcome back to HBO’s Game of Thrones, where THE BAE HAS RETURNED. And by the Bae I mean we open to seeing The Hound is doing good, clean, hard work, building a… well, I’m not sure what it is, but by the seven they sure are building it! Facial hair and hard work seems to be doing him well. Seems he was saved by a Septon of the Seven, and the man seems to think there’s a plan in the works for Sandor. (No shit there is — kill your zombie brother, obviously.)

Next up on religion, Margaery has either chugged that Kool-Aid something ferocious or is gunning for an Oscar. I’ve seen enough of Dormer’s acting to think that she’s acting someone acting. The Sparrow wants Margey to conceive an heir and convert her granny. The second she attempts, under the watchful eye of a Septa. Even under the watch, my girl manages to slip a note into Olenna’s hand. The note is a drawing of a rose, which Olenna seems to understand as a message. Oh the subterfuge of it all!

Jon and Sansa work on building up an army. They go to the Free Folk, and they’ve got Tormund and the giant’s vote, which seems to be enough to convince everyone else.

Cersei comes to see Olenna, and Olenna is not having an ounce of it. She reminds Cersei that the position they’re all in right now is all her fault, which is true. Cersei is feeling some type of way about it.

The Lannister army marches through CG-Ireland. Bronn and Jaime at the head. They’re there to help siege Riverrun with the Freys. The Freys have Edmure on a noose, and are using him to threaten the Blackfish. And the Blackfish calls their bluff. Edmure is rather more embarrassing than beloved, but the Freys don’t kill him anyhow. Jaime points out to the Freys and their silly hats that they didn’t secure their own perimeter, they don’t know what they’re doing, and takes over.

On Bear Island, Sansa and Jon are met by the little girl, Lyanna (yes, named for that Lyanna) who has inherited House Mormont. This little girl is ferocious and I like her. She’s a damn hard sale. Ser Davos to the rescue! He connects with her, much the way he used to connect to Shireen. Oh my poor heart! It wins her over and she pledges her support. Unfortunately, their entire fighting force is sixty-two. This is going to be a toughie.

Jaime heads in to talk to the Blackfish personally. Jaime offers him a surrender, and the Blackfish is like “Nope”.

Back to the diplomacy quest with Jon and Sansa. They’re on to House Glover, while Jon gets a hard no right away, Sansa drives a harder bargain. Glover responds in kind, and informs them that House Stark is dead.

The Ironborn loyal to Yara and Theon are carousing in a brothel. Yara confirmed for queer! Yes! Theon’s got some PTSD-apparent, poor guy. Yara’s pep talk is… lacking. She plans to sail to Meereen and, I’m just saying, my fantasy football Iron Throne lineup is coming true! Yara for Dany’s navy!

Jon and Sansa have amassed roughly three thousand troops. Sansa says they need more, Jon says they move with what they’ve got. So she secretly writes a letter to… ok so at first I thought it was Blackfish but now I’m looking at it and thinking she wrote Littlefinger? I’m confused and worried either way.

Over at wholesome hut builders, the Septon fella is preaching to his followers, including Sandor. Smacks a bit of a cult, I’ve got to say. Apparently he was a soldier who did horrible things, and now wants to help people to atone. The sermon is interrupted by three agents from the Brotherhood — followers of the Red God. Sandor recognizes them and tries to warn the Septon, who wants to respond with nonviolence.

Arya goes to the first Westeros accent she finds in the harbor and tells him she wants passage home. No sooner has she done so than she’s stabbed in the guts by Lob Haircut Gal, wearing the face of an old woman. Arya gets away, but finds that she can’t trust anyone. She never knows what face an enemy could wear. Solid recipe for paranoia.

Sandor is out in the woods when his spidey-senses start tingling. He returns to the builder’s camp to see the aftermath of a massacre. People stabbed to death on the ground and the Septon strung up. Bae picks up an axe like the killer lumberjack he was born to be and swaggers off with determination.

So… does anyone have a good drinking game worked out yet for this season? Asking for a friend. See you next week.

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Posted by on Sunday, June 5th, 2016. Filed under Dark TV, Headline, Images. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

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